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Tips on handling the stress of trial

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  • Tips on handling the stress of trial

    Hi community,

    so my matter is slated for November trial sittings. The stress is now really starting to set in. So much so that I am seriously considering having my lawyer on limited retainer represent me fully.

    Here are the pros as I see them of a lawyer at this point:

    1. Rule 18B says if I provide an offer to settle that ends up being better than the result the other party got at trial that I can collect costs on a *FULL* indemnity basis. So hiring a lawyer would mean that I could recoup the legal costs if I "win".

    2. This applies more pressure to settle because they would be on the hook to pay my lawyer.

    3. I would have a lot less pressure on me to do things correctly.

    Here are the con's as I see them:

    1. Lawyer is extremely expensive, and it may be cheaper to pay a generous settlement than to pay the lawyer.

    I'm super stressed right now. but I have my crap together and am on top of things. Its just the stress of work, 4 kids and this trial.

    thoughts or words of support or advice is most welcome

  • #2
    Have you thought about going to talk to someone? It might help you compartmentalize things and think a little more clearly. Plus they will help you see issues clearly and reduce stress.

    Might be worth looking into.

    Also consider this, youve come this far. At the beginning you had no kids, a bitter fight and an ex who refuses to work together. You are now their full time parent and an end to the battle is in sight. You should be very proud of yourself for coming this far. I know I am!

    Depending on how you have handled court before it might be worth having them represent you in court. See if they would be open to that. They would still need to be paid for prep though. But if your ex is being unreasonable and your offer is a good one then you may very well end up with some costs.


    • #3
      On costs, can your ex actually pay a costs award? It doesn't help you to win if you cannot actually collect.


      • #4
        Originally posted by Janus View Post
        On costs, can your ex actually pay a costs award? It doesn't help you to win if you cannot actually collect.
        there are assets I froze at the beginning of the divorce (because I knew she would try and take them) so yes she can.


        • #5
          BTW, I'm running 5-7km just before bed. Seems to do the trick for getting to sleep. My heart goes out to anyone stuck with an unreasonable partner.


          • #6
            lots of red wine and chain smoking at times helped me 'take off the edge'


            • #7
              Originally posted by plainNamedDad44 View Post
              BTW, I'm running 5-7km just before bed. Seems to do the trick for getting to sleep. My heart goes out to anyone stuck with an unreasonable partner.

              My partner still has not mastered the 10 breathing and think through yet. When he gets correspondence from his ex he loses his temper briefly. He did go and talk to someone a few years ago to cope with the crap with his kids and it helped. I am terrified of the weeks leading up to a conference date.

              At least the running will have you in great shape! Plus like I said, look at your kids. Hug them. Let their love and support help you. Your ex has nothing but her spite and anger.


              • #8
                I rediscovered the library and love of reading. This was my "healthy" coping activity.

                Compartmentalizing things is good as well. I allowed myself to work on my case only specific hours and tried not to do things late at night as I found I would have difficulty sleeping. Speaking of sleeping, one trick that helped me was to do a walk-through of my home and visualize a total renovation, room by room... anything to keep my mind off of "the case."

                While running sounds very healthy, you can still focus too much on your situation. I'd recommend finding something that gets your mind off of your situation, even if it is as boring as watching the cooking channel or WWF wrestling.


                • #9
                  If your ex is unreasonable, then don't expect the stress to end after the trial. It's been approx 8 months for me and my ex still stresses me out with her constant attempts at getting her way.

                  I've been in counseling for the last year, and it has helped a great deal. Learning about myself and why and how I react to stress has given me lots of tools to cope.


                  • #10
                    I know exactly what you're going through, I'm in my 2nd litigation since a year and a half now. Last week I had an interim motion, a CC is coming in 2 weeks and a long motion is scheduled in 5 weeks from now when my motion to change final order and a questioning of the OCL clinician will occur in the same time for 90 min. Mom alienated the kids to the point they both refuse to come for access.

                    The long motion is the last step when a change in custody is quite possible. OCL report clearly states that "the children's are impacted by the negativity towards father being conveyed in both the actions and inactions of their mother". Further more OCL report state: "if these continue, serious consideration should also be given to her ability to maintain custody. Mother needs to encourage and foster a positive and healthy relationship between the children and their father despite her feelings about him. Mother should consider counselling support to help her achieve this. If this cannot be achieved, consideration should be given to a change in custody".

                    I'm so stressed that my sleep is also badly affected and the only way to keep my insanity and my thoughts away from my case is when I go running out for about 40-50 min. Anything to keep my mind busy and away of this case is extremely beneficial for me and also for anyone who's going through same hard times.

                    Cheers and good luck at your trial, it's a good idea to have a lawyer representing you at trial, it may be your only chance to do it right for your kids, don't settle for less, down the road you may regret it.


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