Temporary change of location for pickup.

[Mom 2 Two]

My kids are invited to dinner tonight at their aunts. She has a pool. So I texted ex asking him to please collect the kids from her house at his normal pickup time instead of mine.

As usual I am met with a long email explaining how he (gf) interprets the SA and how it’s not in the kids best interest to disrupt routine. He picked them up from there all summer last year so they could have swimming lessons.

She doesn’t live out of the way either. It’s actually closer for him to get them their in relation to his trip home.

He told me it’s inconsistent routine for the kids. And not in their best interests. And if I can’t have them at my home then I should deliver them to west Lorne.

Our SA does not state a pickup location. Only that he is to drop them to their home upon return.

Do I just go with the plan? Or do I make the kids miss dinner with family to suit him. ?



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[rockscan]

You say to him that its in the childrens best interest to see and spend time with family and that “we” should allow them every opportunity for activities they enjoy and that encourage physical activity.

Or that there is nothing the agreement stating where they are to be picked up and if they choose not to gather them from there then they can pick them up from your place at x time.

Or ignore.

Someone else may have a different idea. Your ex is being difficult.

[Janus]

Generally, exchanges should be "drop off" rather than "pick up". I think that would avoid almost 90% of the issues we often hear about on this forum.


In this case, why not offer to drop off? Then you can go to the dinner, and ex could be happy, and kids could be happy. Kumbaya all around.

[thh1]

Generally, exchanges should be "drop off" rather than "pick up". I think that would avoid almost 90% of the issues we often hear about on this forum.


In this case, why not offer to drop off? Then you can go to the dinner, and ex could be happy, and kids could be happy. Kumbaya all around.

You are right! But my ex did not allow me to drop off, only she pick up. Plus she always half hour to one hour earlier. How to avoid it?

[Mom 2 Two]

Generally, exchanges should be "drop off" rather than "pick up". I think that would avoid almost 90% of the issues we often hear about on this forum.


In this case, why not offer to drop off? Then you can go to the dinner, and ex could be happy, and kids could be happy. Kumbaya all around.

That would be feasible except he lives 45 mins out of town. Works where the kids an I reside. So I suppose if I could drop them at 7:45 the sure. But not likely would he agree to this. :-(. So kids will
Miss out again I guess. Waiting on my lawyer to chime in. Such a waste of money.


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[kate331]

Sounds like tensions are running high ahead of your court date. How is it not in the kids best interest to go for a swim and dinner at extended family?

I'd ignore it especially since it makes his trip shorter and on his way home.

Thh1 , I'd start doing drop offs/pick up, sorry to say but it sounds like your being"whipped".

[Janus]

That would be feasible except he lives 45 mins out of town. Works where the kids an I reside. So I suppose if I could drop them at 7:45 the sure.

I'm confused. There are three locations:

A: Your house
B: Aunt's house
C: Father's house

Normally he picks up at your house. You want him to pick up at Aunt's house. He is only willing to pick up at your house. You are not willing to drive to father's house. Is that correct?

What time would he pick up from Aunt's house? Why can't the kids leave Aunt's house 45 minutes earlier than the time he would pick them up from your house so you can drop them off at father's house? As an alternative, why can't you drive them back to your house to be picked up?

But not likely would he agree to this.

Why should he? You are the one changing plans, so it is your responsibility to minimize the impact on his parenting time.

So kids will miss out again I guess.

Well, they won't miss out on parenting time with the father. Also, Aunt might learn to schedule things during your time if she wants your kids to attend.

Essentially, the parenting time was scheduled first. This dinner came after. You don't get to decide what he does during his parenting time.

It seems that under your plan they would miss out on parenting time with the father. Perhaps you value aunt-with-pool time more than father time, but the father might value father time more than aunt-with-pool time. On your time, you can choose which one you value more. On his time, he gets to make that decision.

Waiting on my lawyer to chime in. Such a waste of money.

Agreed, why on earth are you discussing a parenting plan issue with your lawyer? Are you that wealthy?

[Asphenaz]

You are the one changing plans, so it is your responsibility to minimize the impact on his parenting time.

That is one important key.

[Mom 2 Two]

I'm confused. There are three locations:



A: Your house

B: Aunt's house

C: Father's house



Normally he picks up at your house. You want him to pick up at Aunt's house. He is only willing to pick up at your house. You are not willing to drive to father's house. Is that correct?



What time would he pick up from Aunt's house? Why can't the kids leave Aunt's house 45 minutes earlier than the time he would pick them up from your house so you can drop them off at father's house? As an alternative, why can't you drive them back to your house to be picked up?



Then will have to be the alternative I guess which will suck for the kids.



Why should he? You are the one changing plans, so it is your responsibility to minimize the impact on his parenting time.







Well, they won't miss out on parenting time with the father. Also, Aunt might learn to schedule things during your time if she wants your kids to attend.



Essentially, the parenting time was scheduled first. This dinner came after. You don't get to decide what he does during his parenting time.



It seems that under your plan they would miss out on parenting time with the father. Perhaps you value aunt-with-pool time more than father time, but the father might value father time more than aunt-with-pool time. On your time, you can choose which one you value more. On his time, he gets to make that decision.







Agreed, why on earth are you discussing a parenting plan issue with your lawyer? Are you that wealthy?

SA doesn’t specify where pickup is to be. And dad has picked up there before. End of story. He isn’t acting in best interest of the children. He is acting in his own best interests. It’s my time until 7pm. Which he can then have his time once he collects them from where they will be.

No I am not rich but we are in litigation right now and I am sure this will be used against me if they are not brought home. If if they are not at home for 7pm pickup rather will not show up and then say I withheld access.


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[Mom 2 Two]

You say to him that its in the childrens best interest to see and spend time with family and that “we” should allow them every opportunity for activities they enjoy and that encourage physical activity.

Or that there is nothing the agreement stating where they are to be picked up and if they choose not to gather them from there then they can pick them up from your place at x time.

Or ignore.

Someone else may have a different idea. Your ex is being difficult.

I like your input the best. :-). But I suppose I asked so I get all sorts of different opinions.


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[rockscan]

My input may not always be right but if the kids have a chance to go swimming on a hot day and dad can pick them up from there it shouldn’t be a problem. Its no different than saying the kids have a chance to see a movie at the mall on the way to your house, can you pick them up there instead?

People are so unreasonable. You’re not sending them there to be a jerk. Its hot and they can swim vs its hot and they can sit at your place waiting for dad.

[Mom 2 Two]

My input may not always be right but if the kids have a chance to go swimming on a hot day and dad can pick them up from there it shouldn’t be a problem. Its no different than saying the kids have a chance to see a movie at the mall on the way to your house, can you pick them up there instead?

People are so unreasonable. You’re not sending them there to be a jerk. Its hot and they can swim vs its hot and they can sit at your place waiting for dad.

Exactly. Thanks. I sent him this response. I will inbox you.


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[kate331]

Poor kids, its hot out today and instead spending more time in the pool they will sit in a car to back track to Mom's, even though Aunts house is closer to Dad's.

Kids suffer enough in a separation/divorce situation why punish them further. A little cooperation would go a long way. Hopefully tensions are just running high as a court date is approaching, and in time nonsense like this will disappear.

I wonder if it had been any different if the child where at one of their friends house and not a relative of Mom's.

I hope you let us know how it turned out.

[rockscan]

You cant fix stupid.

[Mom 2 Two]

Poor kids, its hot out today and instead spending more time in the pool they will sit in a car to back track to Mom's, even though Aunts house is closer to Dad's.



Kids suffer enough in a separation/divorce situation why punish them further. A little cooperation would go a long way. Hopefully tensions are just running high as a court date is approaching, and in time nonsense like this will disappear.



I wonder if it had been any different if the child where at one of their friends house and not a relative of Mom's.



I hope you let us know how it turned out.

It wouldn’t be any different if it were somewhere else. He is punishing me. He isn’t trying to do what’s best for them.

The kids chose to go home early as I pointed out to them daddy may not come if I ask him to come to aunts house. He ditched them one time before over a similar situation. So I guess we will just concede this time.


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