15 year old refusing to go back: Kind of diffiuclt situation

[bjjgal]

My divorce was messy but after the court endorsed PP it has been peaceful up to now.

It's been 5 years since we had a PP but my now 15 year old doesn't want to go back to the other parent. Even when I drive her back home she just takes a bus to my house. Between Uber and the bus she keeps getting to my house. I don't mind but we have a clause in our PP (big mistake on my part) that the police can get involved to enforce it. However, she was 10 back then. 15, going on 16 soon, now.

My lawyer who handled the divorce has died (old age) since the PP so I don't even have a lawyer to talk to that won't want a whole new sack of cash to read up on my file.

My question is this: What can the police do to force her back? She is adamant about not going back and said even if I don't allow her at my house she will go to a friend's house. And what can I do to enforce this without the police? I mean if anyone has a 15 year old you know how hard it is to enforce something they don't want. She has said she is willing to get arrested not to go back which I certainly don't want.

My question is: Can the police force a 15 year old back home? What options do I have? Go back for full custody?

Other than this she's a great kid. A student, never gets in trouble, obeys at my house but has set the line in going back. I tried to keep the peace but she is set in her stance.

[SadAndTired]

Why doesn't she want to stay at the other parent's?

[standing on the sidelines]

first off I would talk to the kid and the other parent to see what the issue is.

[bjjgal]

Why doesn't she want to stay at Mom's?

Says she feels like a stranger there. Feels at home with my family.

To be fair to her , her mom does go on vacation when and for how long she feels like leaving her at my house for a example, a whole summer at a time. The last three summers she has spent 100% at my house because her mom vacations. She is literally at my home from school end to when school begins and then we go back on schedule.

The why at this point I think is irrelevant. I can't convince her to stick to the PP. I want to avoid police intervention because I know that won't go well.

[bjjgal]

first off I would talk to the kid and the other parent to see what the issue is.

We don't talk,so that isn't happening.

[rockscan]

You could speak with the police about it. In many instance where a child is a teen, they dont usually get involved.

Or you can simply file your own motion to change custody and remove the police enforcement clause. You get to a judge at the cc and advise the child is 16 and wants to choose.

[bjjgal]

You could speak with the police about it. In many instance where a child is a teen, they dont usually get involved.

Or you can simply file your own motion to change custody and remove the police enforcement clause. You get to a judge at the cc and advise the child is 16 and wants to choose.

I thought at 16 you can't force any child in Ontario to go anywhere. Isn't that the legal age where they can live where they please? Or will the PP still be in effect??? This is what confuses me.

[rockscan]

Thats why I said to talk to the police. Im not sure about enforcement clauses. If your ex is calling the police they may have to go out but if they wont enforce it because of age then its best to know that then they will go there and advise the ex.

[denbigh]

I dont have any first hand knowledge but I think you can safly assure her the police are not going to put her in jail. It isnt a crime to not want to go to parents house. From what I have read, I think the police would come out if the other parent called, but I dont think they force the issue with teens that age, as may just run again. The information I was given in a fmaily law class was children do not have the right to decide where to live until 18 and legally adults (in my province) but it is also highly unlikly police will enforce it if child refuses to go, as they tend to just run away, which is in no ones interest. If the police forced every teenager to be where their parents wanted them to be, that would take a huge amount of resources. They arent committing a crime, so what can the police even do but return them, to just have them leave again anyways, so that maybe why they dont enforce it.

[arabian]

So a 15-year-old wants to make adult decisions. Then perhaps it is time to take the 15-year-old by the hand over to the other parent's home and the three of you have an adult discussion about this. You say you don't talk to the other parent. Well perhaps it is time that you do. Your teenage child should understand that there are outcomes for decisions he/she makes in life.

By doing this you show your child that an agreement was made with the other parent many years ago and if child wants to change that agreement then there are legal steps to be taken. These legal steps require that you hire a lawyer. This will cost money which may or may not affect your home situation.

This is an excellent opportunity to teach child about accountability.

[Janus]

What would you do if your otherwise wonderful 15 year old decided that she was no longer going to go to school?

What would you do if your otherwise wonderful 15 year old decided that she was never again going to take a shower?

What would you do if your otherwise wonderful 15 year old decided that she was going to start using the word "cunt" in every sentence?

What would you do if your otherwise wonderful 15 year old decided that it was time to have a baby?

...my guess is that you would decide to be a parent. But, maybe you're different.

[SadAndTired]

The difference for me is that there is no control over the situation.

If my child was having trouble at school, first I would help them navigate it themselves but if they couldn't, I certainly would step in to advocate and assist to help correct the situation. I wouldn't just say "go to school!" without doing whatever I could to help if it was needed.

Unfortunately there isn't anything you can do about the other parent's home. If she doesn't want to go, what is he really going to do? Force her? Take away her phone?

Obviously his daughter does not want to be there if she is using any means available to get back to Dad's.

I hardly see comparing this to not bathing as useful.

[SadAndTired]

So a 15-year-old wants to make adult decisions. Then perhaps it is time to take the 15-year-old by the hand over to the other parent's home and the three of you have an adult discussion about this. You say you don't talk to the other parent. Well perhaps it is time that you do. Your teenage child should understand that there are outcomes for decisions he/she makes in life.

By doing this you show your child that an agreement was made with the other parent many years ago and if child wants to change that agreement then there are legal steps to be taken. These legal steps require that you hire a lawyer. This will cost money which may or may not affect your home situation.

This is an excellent opportunity to teach child about accountability.

Agreed. You really should sit down and discuss options with your daughter at least. What about reduced times at Mom's?

[Ange71727]

This situation requires you to get over to mom's house for a conversation, in my opinion. I get it - I don't talk to my ex either unless extremely necessary. She obviously needs to talk it out with her mom and perhaps she would feel safer to do so with you present.


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[bjjgal]

What would you do if your otherwise wonderful 15 year old decided that she was no longer going to go to school?

What would you do if your otherwise wonderful 15 year old decided that she was never again going to take a shower?

What would you do if your otherwise wonderful 15 year old decided that she was going to start using the word "cunt" in every sentence?

What would you do if your otherwise wonderful 15 year old decided that it was time to have a baby?

...my guess is that you would decide to be a parent. But, maybe you're different.

You are being unbelievably hostile and antagonistic perhaps coming from your personal turmoil and jaded lifestyle.

Your language is disgusting and my suggestion is please stay off any threads if you have nothing to add.