best way to ask to share the driving?

[trinton]

saw this come up in another thread, and thought I ask.

Basically, the other parent increased my weekend access by one day immediately after a court date a while back, and said that I would have to do all the driving or I wouldn't get the time. My previous lawyer said the access parent has responsibility to do all driving (false), So I accepted, to get the extra time.

We were taking turns before that for almost 2 years. There is no court order that I must do all of the driving. What is the best way to go back to the other parent and suggest we take turns driving? I wouldn't mind just letting her know I'd like to take turns driving. Child will be ready for you for pickup at the end of visits at my residence. I've already got the increased access on status quo so she would be shooting herself in the foot if she decreased the access back down.

Just wanted to check out everyone elses 2 cents.

[Soiled]

Not sure exactly what your schedule is like offhand, but are you able to just base pickup/drop-offs around daycare or school? For example in my own situation, exchanges happen on Mondays, at daycare. When it switches from her week to my week, she drops them off at daycare in the morning, they go about their school day, return to daycare, and then get picked up in the afternoon by me, and for the remainder of the week I pick them up and drop them off at daycare, until the following Monday, when the roles reverse.

Added bonus in that this way you don't have to actually see the other parent, ever, reducing the potential for conflict.

If that doesn't work, then I believe the norm is that whoever's 'turn' it is for time with the children, picks them up. So at the end of your time, she picks them up from your place, at the end of her time you pick them up from her place.

[Tayken]

saw this come up in another thread, and thought I ask.

Basically, the other parent increased my weekend access by one day immediately after a court date a while back, and said that I would have to do all the driving or I wouldn't get the time. My previous lawyer said the access parent has responsibility to do all driving (false), So I accepted, to get the extra time.

We were taking turns before that for almost 2 years. There is no court order that I must do all of the driving. What is the best way to go back to the other parent and suggest we take turns driving? I wouldn't mind just letting her know I'd like to take turns driving. Child will be ready for you for pickup at the end of visits at my residence. I've already got the increased access on status quo so she would be shooting herself in the foot if she decreased the access back down.

Just wanted to check out everyone elses 2 cents.

What is the distance?

>50km
<50km

[trinton]

I do not feel comfortable with current daycare provider. there is unfounded CAS allegations by the babysitter against me. I have redirected those allegations back against daycare babysitter doesn't talk to me and at other times verbally attacked me in front of the child. mom shows up at babysitters for exchanges. I don't think the child is actually at daycares but instead mom just is doing exchanges at babysitters. they are best of friends and crack jokes and insult me at the exchanges. I just ignore them then laugh my ass off after at how much of an important person I am to them that I'm always being talked about by them.

anyway, mom and I live within 5 minutes. the babysitter is laterally 2 minutes from mom. school is also 2 minutes from mom. way less than 50km. I am trying to get pickups to take place at school.

[Ange71727]

saw this come up in another thread, and thought I ask.

Basically, the other parent increased my weekend access by one day immediately after a court date a while back, and said that I would have to do all the driving or I wouldn't get the time. My previous lawyer said the access parent has responsibility to do all driving (false), So I accepted, to get the extra time.

We were taking turns before that for almost 2 years. There is no court order that I must do all of the driving. What is the best way to go back to the other parent and suggest we take turns driving? I wouldn't mind just letting her know I'd like to take turns driving. Child will be ready for you for pickup at the end of visits at my residence. I've already got the increased access on status quo so she would be shooting herself in the foot if she decreased the access back down.

Just wanted to check out everyone elses 2 cents.

If she would be shooting herself in the foot then I would send a polite email explaining that the fair thing to do would be to share the driving responsibilities. Maybe send more than one to show that you've requested several times. I think it's more than fair that one parent picks up at the beginning of the time and the other one at the end. This is what happens in my case. If I decided I wasn't going to drive to pick up my kids though, he certainly wouldn't be driving them to me. You could do the same. Don't drive her home and tell the ex that she will have to come and get her at the end of the weekend. I understand that you will be worried about access denials after that but honestly she would look really terrible if she denied you access because you asked her to share the driving. It was probably not smart to set this as the "status quo" in the first place, especially if you were sharing at one point. But I'm sure you know that. Does your lawyer not have some advice on this?


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[trinton]

If she would be shooting herself in the foot then I would send a polite email explaining that the fair thing to do would be to share the driving responsibilities. Maybe send more than one to show that you've requested several times. I think it's more than fair that one parent picks up at the beginning of the time and the other one at the end. This is what happens in my case. If I decided I wasn't going to drive to pick up my kids though, he certainly wouldn't be driving them to me. You could do the same. Don't drive her home and tell the ex that she will have to come and get her at the end of the weekend. I understand that you will be worried about access denials after that but honestly she would look really terrible if she denied you access because you asked her to share the driving. It was probably not smart to set this as the "status quo" in the first place, especially if you were sharing at one point. But I'm sure you know that. Does your lawyer not have some advice on this?


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I honestly haven't asked him about this. he would agree with me as he's the 5050 equal everything give and take type of person. I try to only reach out to him last resort and higher level legal issues. I try to work on the smaller issues on my own. I'm going to see him soon and will run it by him.

I agree with you thay it was not smart to set it as status quo. god.. dumb mistake. ah well. shit happens.

[Berner_Faith]

anyway, mom and I live within 5 minutes. the babysitter is laterally 2 minutes from mom. school is also 2 minutes from mom. way less than 50km. I am trying to get pickups to take place at school.

In my opinion if you live within 5 min of each other and 7 min from the daycare why rock the boat over something so small? It isn't a great distant to have to take the child home... to me this isn't really shared driving... it is running down the block and not something I would personally rock the boat over


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[trinton]

In my opinion if you live within 5 min of each other and 7 min from the daycare why rock the boat over something so small? It isn't a great distant to have to take the child home... to me this isn't really shared driving... it is running down the block and not something I would personally rock the boat over


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I suppose it would be something worthy of discussion if mom ever moves further than 15 minutes?