To Trial or Not ??

[bmw1122]

Hi,
Should I take it to trial?? The issue is that she wants Sole custody and i wont joint.

- there's no history of anything or any documentation of any abuse

its going to OCL , ive' been told its a joke? and just accept what she's giving instead of going to trial and wasting my $$ ??

is there a chance to get 50-50.

Thank you

[arabian]

In reviewing some of your previous posts, I wonder about a few things:

- do you have a permanent residence... address yet?
- are you employed or did you go back to school?

[bmw1122]

In reviewing some of your previous posts, I wonder about a few things:

- do you have a permanent residence... address yet?
- are you employed or did you go back to school?

yes, i have a permanent address, albeit with parents.

- i'm in school at the moment. looking for work but because of an injury its not as easy.

[arabian]

If you are unemployed, going to school, you would likely qualify for Legal Aid would you not? If that is the case then I don't know how you would be "wasting your $$" as the taxpayers essentially pay for your legal representation. Correct?

From what I've read on ODF (here) there are mixed reviews on OCL involvement. OCL or "Office of the Children's Lawyer," by it's own title sounds like a good thing. Perhaps you should do your own research on OCL and care less about what others have to say about the process (which I understand is quite lengthy).

I would think that OCL and Legal Aid might provide you with some useful information going forward - both are free, which would be an important consideration for you.

In the meantime you could start by making a list of the positive aspects of your proceeding for 50/50:

- you have your extended family (parents) as positive back-up.... they would come out as an asset to you?
- you have a concise, well-though-out parenting plan?
- despite your disability you can outline specific supports you have in place to assist you with any and all limitations required to participate in raising your child?
- you have been very involved with upbringing of your child, and provided for needs while in your care, since your separation?

Just some food for thought... others will likely have much better advice.

[trinton]

Go to trial and ask for:

joint custody
shared parenting including equal sharing of the holidays
offset child support
restrict mom from moving outside of region without your consent
right to travel on 30 day notice

Don't sign sole custody to her, if you do then you're essentially admitting you're not a fit parent.

you parents can look after the child when you're not available, or in school. worst to worst, you can use daycare. it's $5 a day for before or after school.

apply for legal aid, if not, borrow money and hire a good lawyer, take out a loan or max out a credit card if you have to. You may be able to recover some , most, or all of your costs if you win. You may not be ordered to pay all her costs if she wins (she likely won't).

You can also get a lawyer on limited scope retainer to help you prepare documents and tell you what to say in court, etc.

if you have to, represent yourself. Keep your cool, be nice, and focus your arguments tailored to the best interests on the child.

Joint custody is the presumption, she will have to prove why you should not have joint custody, the onus is on her.

maximum contact principle is deemed what is best for the child. She will have to prove why the child should not have maximum time with both of you.

Study case law on canlii.org

once again, don't sign off on sole custody to her. Once the order is made, you're stuck with it for life. You'll be kept in the dark as to all decisions effecting your child and no input from you will be required. Your say won't matter. You'll be a visitor, not a parent. She'll control you and jerk you around. She'll feel like she owns you and your child. And she will take advantage of it and abuse her powers. You'll become her b*tch.

Do you want to be just a visitor? or step up to the plate and be the parent that you are?

[Asphenaz]

My experience with OCL was very poor, and I found their recommendation very ridiculous. Again from my experience, the judges / lawyers seem to take OCL recommendations as 'law'.

My advice would be to read the sticked post on how to deal with OCL, very valuable advice that would have helped me.

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...sessors-14200/

[bmw1122]

So far what she's tried to do is tarnish my image.

- saying I'm mentally unfit > there were some work related psychologists examinations which she tried to use and after explaining to the judge he agreed those aren't to be used
- she's not asking for any $$ -- would that change in a Trial??
- she was hiding which school the child goes to , where she lives etc (apparently its her 3rd place , with her brother and sister now)
- she doesn't have a stable job - she refuses to work and works a 'cash' type job .
-my lawyer keeps saying its default 50-50 but should i ask her to try to do anyting? offer anything to the other side?

[trinton]

So far what she's tried to do is tarnish my image.

- saying I'm mentally unfit > there were some work related psychologists examinations which she tried to use and after explaining to the judge he agreed those aren't to be used
- she's not asking for any $$ -- would that change in a Trial??
- she was hiding which school the child goes to , where she lives etc (apparently its her 3rd place , with her brother and sister now)
- she doesn't have a stable job - she refuses to work and works a 'cash' type job .
-my lawyer keeps saying its default 50-50 but should i ask her to try to do anyting? offer anything to the other side?

go with what your lawyer says. forget all the nonsense your ex says.

you could use the fact that she wouldn't even tell you what school she went to against her. that's a nasty move. my ex did it too. she even changed schools without me knowing.

you don't want someone like that having sole custody. trust me. do not sign sole custody to her under any circumstances.



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[bmw1122]

Thank you all for the responses.

I have a follow up Question because of an update.

- The STBX did not file forms for the OBL
- a week before court she says through her lawyer she was in an accident. THere's no proof or anything > Do i have any right to know? especially knowing who took care of the child
- my Lawyer is saying to Adjourn the date b/c they can just get to the OBL and this would save me more $$ - because the Lawyer is saying the judge will most likely just reissue to get the OBL done
- but even adjourning is costing me because STBX keeps messing up, should I listen to my lawyer .. what should i do?

[trinton]

Thank you all for the responses.

I have a follow up Question because of an update.

- The STBX did not file forms for the OBL
- a week before court she says through her lawyer she was in an accident. THere's no proof or anything > Do i have any right to know? especially knowing who took care of the child
- my Lawyer is saying to Adjourn the date b/c they can just get to the OBL and this would save me more $$ - because the Lawyer is saying the judge will most likely just reissue to get the OBL done
- but even adjourning is costing me because STBX keeps messing up, should I listen to my lawyer .. what should i do?

Hey man I've heard it all. "I have been called to a trial, we need to adjourn. "I have to go to the hospital for an infection we need to adjourn, etc.

Did she really get into an accident? In these situations, just assume so even though she may be just making that up. I personally don't believe a word that comes out of my ex's mouth. She's got zero credibility with me. But, you should agree to an adjournment, a judge is likely not going to give you costs for having to adjourn because she got into an accident, and claim that you don't believe it to be true that they got into an accident, that you saw them a couple of days ago, and they seemed perfectly fine. You could try, but you lawyer might look like a fool if they did that.You could ask for proof, etc, but I don't think that is required. They'll take her lawyer's word for it. Just accept the adjournment, but keep your eyes open, the judges and your lawyer will quickly become suspicious if there is a pattern of random unexpected events happening just weeks before your court date.