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  • Need advice...

    Hello all,

    Well my ex is back to her bag of tricks...


    -> Separated August 12th, 2005 (House emptied, child gone, she moved away, declared bankruptcy, cleaned out accounts, had our only car).
    -> Interim Joint Shared Custody order Dec. 5, 2005 (Alternating week regime, first time I had seen my child in almost 4 months)
    -> Office of the Children's Lawyer Report March 15, 2006 (Status Quo Recommended)
    -> Final Custody Agreement negotiations began -> March 20th, 2006

    From the beginning the ex has lied, stolen and used deception to get what she wants, and each time I have to defend myself at cost both financially and chronologically.

    Example: October 5th I went into my child's new school to see meet the principal, upon introductions, his was around my throat and he was escorting me off of school property. I explained that if he continued he would be facing assault charges, we went into his office, and he showed me the court documents that he had gotten from my ex that clearly stated that she had custody, he obviously had not read them as it did not say she had custody but rather residency since it was the order stating that she was to return to the city to live with child within 21 days or the father, me would have interim custody. He then handed me a letter from the office of the judge that was faxed to the school stating that I the father was not allowed to see my child without the signed permission of the custodial mother. It was hand written without a signature. My ex had walked in just after she sent the fax and asked the principal if he had gotten the fax from the judge yet. I asked him if he would give me a statement in writing and he stated that he did not want to get involved and that only by an order from a judge would he provide a statement. Sad eh!

    I have been accused of being depressed, violent, abusive, harassing, lazy, etc... All of which I have defended myself against at great cost.


    Here we are about to sign the final custody agreement as has been hammered out by the lawyers over the past year (She stalled a lot, lack of financial disclosure for 9 months, etc. she will have to pay CS.)

    I got a call from my lawyer today telling me that the final agreement will have to be put on hold because my ex has changed her mind and wants to bring in the OCL again for another assessment. There goes another 6 months, 6 months that she will not have to pay CS, 6 months more of legal fees, 6 months more of defending my character, etc...

    Evidently, the OCL social worker the will be involved this time is the same one as last time, and she is a man hating feminist that had told me that she would love nothing more than to take my child away from me, she was just not able to find a valid reason to do so the last time.

    My questions are:

    1. How much longer is she going to be able to drag this out?
    2. Is there anything that I can do or have my lawyer do to get the judge to understand that this is just another stalling tactic?
    3. Do I have grounds to seek a motion for sole custody?
    4. What else can I do with this mess?

    All suggestions and information welcome, the more the better!

    P.S. We are in Ontario Court of Justice



  • #2

    unless a material change of circumstances has occurred, I can't see why the OCL would complete a secondary parenting assessment and usually the court has the jurisdiction to involve same. Ultimately the OCL reserves the right to be involved or not involved in the matter.

    When and if the matters are settled, child support should be paid retro to the date of application.

    Your ex should be paying a tabled child support amount with consideration to the current arrangements.

    Final custody adjudications are to occur withing 6 months of application. However, It seldom works out that way.

    see the CLR on this:

    Section 26(1)


    26. (1) Where an application under this Part in respect of custody of or access to a child has not been heard within six months after the commencement of the proceedings, the clerk or local registrar of the court shall list the application for the court and give notice to the parties of the date and time when and the place where the court will fix a date for the hearing of the application. R.S.O. 1990, c. C.12, s. 26 (1).

    You could bring forth an interim motion for custody and of course child support to resolve the issues pending the outcome of the involvement of the OCL. At this point in time, there is no guarantee that they will be involved for a secondary assessment with consideration that there is no apparent material change of circumstance.



    • #3
      Thanks LV your the best...

      Thanks LV

      There has been no material change, however there are a whole new set of allegations that she is basing her change of mind on.

      She is stating that I let him stay up too late (not true), That I do not feed him right (so not true), etc..

      I have been listening to him vent on Sundays when he gets here and have pieced together that her parents have just moved into town and that this change of mind is an attemp to get sole custody so that her father who only has one grandchild (my son) would get to spend all his time with him. He is the one that tried to convince my son at 5 years old that he was his father and that I was an uncle and told my son that he was going to change his last name to match his. Dispicable. I hate that man. I also think that the thought of parting with several thousand dollars in retro is motivating her to change her mind about sharing custody with me. If nothing else she would not have to part with her money just before her summer vacation. (school teacher) Would suck to spend the summer off without much money.

      Anyway thanks again LV you make this forum a valuble resource.

      Any other advice/options are welcome (fire away).



      • #4
        Originally posted by Duped
        Thanks LV

        She is stating that I let him stay up too late (not true), That I do not feed him right (so not true), etc..
        LV had a case file where the custodial parent tried to implement and control the behaviour of the non-custodial parent during access, but the courts saw it for what it was and allowed the access and without the many restrictions that the custodial parent wanted to impose.

        She's nit picking trying to control your access and frustrate you, don't let her.


        • #5
          More true than you know..

          Since the very beginning when I returned home on August 12th, 2005 to find my front door on my lawn to yesterday when I got a call from my lawyer.

          In the beginning she did everything she could to destroy me and then claimed that I was depressed, had it not been for my family's support at that time, finding my entire life destroyed would have made me depressed. Now she continues and there is essentially nothing that I or the court can do to prevent it.

          The sad thing is that since the beginning when she forced my 6 year old son to conciously choose to live with her, she has not let up, constantly programming his head with even the most stupid of ideas (apparently I don't do dishes - my son helps me do the dishes and yet because his mother says so, he believes that I don't do dishes.) Totally wrong, just wrong. He is 8 now and starting to ignore his mothers phone calls, he is starting to clue in that she is just a bad person and likely, with hope he will when he is old enough, choose to live with me full time.

          Thanks, I hope this just blows over, I don't want to have to do this over and over for the next 10 years.



          • #6
            Originally posted by Duped
            The sad thing is that since the beginning when she forced my 6 year old son to conciously choose to live with her, she has not let up, constantly programming his head with even the most stupid of ideas (apparently I don't do dishes - my son helps me do the dishes and yet because his mother says so, he believes that I don't do dishes.)

            This sounds like P.A.S. Parent Alienation syndrome, a very serious offence but tends to be hard to prove, but you seem to have a handle on it, and if you have documentation as to what she is saying to the child as denigration to you and your character you could possibly prove the same.

            The result for her would not be good, she could loose custody.


            • #7

              Like pieces of a puzzle...

              My ex is pregnant, she wants me out of my childs life because in her opinion, her BF and soon to be second child deserve to be able to spend all their time with my son, If I'm out of the alternating week picture...

              Ex is due in november, counting back 9 months is march, allowing time for her to find out, devise a plan, contact lawyer, letter to my lawyer, and like magic, April 22, 2007 my lawyer recieves a fax from ex's stating that certain issues have come up calling into question the continued viability of our current arrangement.

              No other details though, I figure they needed time to make them up, and they did, the main accusation is based on a concern that the child's teacher had, however when I checked with the teacher, she very clearly stated that she has never stated anything of the sort and that there are no concerns whatsoever.

              What a mess, I have to waste my time, money and energy to sort out this mess and she will without a doubt walk away clean as always. This sucks.



              • #8

                This may sound to simplistic, but why allow her to complicate matters. I think my reply to her lawyers letter would be something along these lines, thank you for your suggestion but we decline yet another assessment, if you feel strongly enough please feel free to proceed to motion or what ever you like, in the mean time I will continue with the current order with the week to week regime, keeping in mind any further false accustions will not be tolerated. Oh yeah and of course if you are entitled to cs demand it at the same time retro and all. In short she can ask for the moon if she wants doesn't mean you have to give it to her, you have an existing situation that appears to be working in the best interest of the child, why make it easy for her to change. I believe a judge will be hard pressed to order any change or another evaluation with out good reason.

                good luck!


                • #9
                  If you want to be a little extreme you could counter with a motion right away for sole custody, child support, spousal support, a restraining order, an psycologist evaluation of her and any other demand you can think of. Two can play this game if you want to go down this road, just do not have any illusion you will win these demands for the most part, but may be enough to get her to back off. I can assure you this would be the road I would travel not that I have a slight understanding of family law. Like I said a little extreme but may buy you some peace.


                  • #10

                    sorry to hear about that.....that really are aware that if her allegations can not be substantiated in court they will not be heard at all.....courts do not have time for bantering back and forth.....the judge will cut through it all......if you read my previous posts you will see that I did my custody battle without a lawyer and won sole custody......there were many accusations coming from my ex but they were thrown out for lack of LV will tell you do not get into a confrontation with her especially in front of your children.....just smile and nod.......soak it all in like a sponge and you will keep her guessing.....then at your day in court she will see what she has done.......if she emails you keep all of them, they will be helpful......I have said this many times......GET IT IN WRITING will help you tremendously........keep us up to date with your trek...and best of luck to you....keep your chin up your kids are more than worth it


                    • #11
                      Sole custody eh! Humm...

                      I like that idea but also stronly believe in equal and fair access. Think a judge would consider an order for sole custody for me with alternating week access for my ex? Would be fair, little impact or change to the child, hummm...

                      Thanks Today and Littleman something to think on...

                      Coments please...



                      • #12
                        sole custody just means that the custodial parent has say in health, education, where they live (county but not province) things like that and doesnt need to confer with other parent.....can make deisions on their own without the others consent.......of course keeping within of course you would consult the other parent.......after I went through it with my ex my child said finally they knew where they belonged and that statement from my child was worth the whole thing (emotional stress and all)........some times kids need to know where they belong however its the childs birthright to see/have access to other not deny them not demean the other parent in front of your child.......that is still their parent and they love them whether you do or not........thats their blood and that cant be changed.....


                        • #13

                          In answer to your question, I was simply trying to show that two can play the game, for example when my ex had her lawyer send a letter demanding child support, spousal support and various carzy accusations, sole custody and on and on and on. I near had a heart attack. Most of us freak when we get a "lawyers" letter with the type of demands you have. Really she can ask for anything she wants and so can you, if in return you decline her request and make your own demands for way much more than you expect to really get you may just allow her to feel the same emotions as you and perhaps she will back off a bit, but then again maybe not. Point being you can both "demand" anything you want. Does not mean either of you will get it.

                          You have a big advantage, you have excisied your access regualrly, you have not reduced yourself to the type of disgraceful tactics as her, in the end this will shine through for you, patience is a virtue and a necessity in family law.


                          • #14
                            Now if only I could learn to spell or use spell check on


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