How do i approach breach of part of an order

[Rioe]

Something that may help you is to journal the child's behaviour around the visits to Grandma. Does she get anxious before she has to go? Is she unhappy and withdrawn upon her return? If you can show a pattern of behaviour that is linked to Grandma's influence, that might help.

[undersc0re]

So breach of order by grandma telling grand daughter all about the court issue really was no big deal in the fcc today.
The access order was modified, it was reduced to once a month instead of every 3 weeks.
A jfc or something like that was arranged to interview child, grandmother, and myself before March with a views of the child report to be given to us and the court. we can take that report into consideration when we go to next court hearing in mid march and decide with the judge whether to schedule an fcc or a hearing at court, he said depending on the report either party might give up more time and could be surprised by the report.
How do I tell my kid that after this fiasco created more of a relationship between them that she can no longer see grandma, this situation is creating a relationship that may have to be broken now, or be continued so as not to hurt the child....I am so confused with the system. So now we can just go to trial maybe, and then just lie some more....lol. Apparently a hearing is almost free if no lawyers or professionals are involved, the taxpayers foot the bill I guess, he thinks a one day trial with no pre trial conference necessary if it gets that far.

[rockscan]

Its not as bad as you think. You tell kid that her emotional health is the most important thing to you and she is going to speak with someone about what is happening. You want her to tell that person everything she is feeling and what people are saying to her. That means everything mom dad and grandma are saying about the divorce.

Once a month versus every three weeks isnt a big deal. Its just an extra week in between. And if kid is upset about what grandma is saying then this will help.

You know your ex mother in law is going to say shit to her so you need to remind kid that no one should be talking to her about the divorce or her parents or her living arrangements. You can also let her know that she can tell you anything and if she isnt comfortable she should let you know.

[undersc0re]

Its not as bad as you think. You tell kid that her emotional health is the most important thing to you and she is going to speak with someone about what is happening. You want her to tell that person everything she is feeling and what people are saying to her. That means everything mom dad and grandma are saying about the divorce.

Once a month versus every three weeks isnt a big deal. Its just an extra week in between. And if kid is upset about what grandma is saying then this will help.

You know your ex mother in law is going to say shit to her so you need to remind kid that no one should be talking to her about the divorce or her parents or her living arrangements. You can also let her know that she can tell you anything and if she isnt comfortable she should let you know.

The judge suggested a few options, this one with the views of the child we consented on. Judge told me when I asked him if it stresses out children at all that it is not stressful at all. My concern is grandma prepping child for this moment which as I know her she would do, and child might stress about that.
Judge said that child views are not only what is going to win an access order and he told grandma that parental access and access by others is different whatever he meant by that. So child views I guess is most important, but I guess if I prove she is being emotionally harmed etc and it is affecting her now I have to prove that, just stating it as her parent in what I see is not proof. I will log changes in child that are obvious since visits became regular. It would be so much easier if grandma was a great influence or just somewhat normal. If she gets a lawyer at last minute will it help her much in this kind of a situation?

Thanks for the supportive post and I will talk to my child and support her in the best way I can by your suggestions!

I am going to also get a referral from a doctor to someone who can maybe pinpoint if the issues my child has are from stressors associated with what most likely are the visits and if I should brush them off or deal with them asap...whether thats admissable or not I won't know until I try, but it will definetly assure myself of my decision to bump up my urgency or relax a bit about the situation.

[rockscan]

This is an awful situation for your child. Not only do they have to deal with everything changing, they also have to deal with people hating each other and putting her in the middle. I can safely say it is one of the worst things Ive experienced in my life. Youre helpless because youre a child and you dont understand and want to make people happy. As long as you provide her with tools and resources to help, youre doing well. She will need a neutral party to help her.

[Links17]

You need a psychologist or psycho social worker on this.

You can't note the changes etc.... It is a long shot. A psychologist will interview you, the child, the grandmother and maybe the step daughter. They will file a report with the court and then come testify.

Are you getting child support from the mother?

When you go go to court the line needs to be:
I am so hurt that her mother doesn't see her and I would love nothing more than to have at least her grandmother have a good relationship with her but it seems the grandmother cant put animosity of me aside to be a proper caretaker.

Incidentally, I didn't grandparents have rights outside of Quebec? In quebec it is legislated but I don't even think it is legislated in the rest of Canada?

[undersc0re]

You need a psychologist or psycho social worker on this.

You can't note the changes etc.... It is a long shot. A psychologist will interview you, the child, the grandmother and maybe the step daughter. They will file a report with the court and then come testify.

Are you getting child support from the mother?

When you go go to court the line needs to be:
I am so hurt that her mother doesn't see her and I would love nothing more than to have at least her grandmother have a good relationship with her but it seems the grandmother cant put animosity of me aside to be a proper caretaker.

Incidentally, I didn't grandparents have rights outside of Quebec? In quebec it is legislated but I don't even think it is legislated in the rest of Canada?

It has been a few years but I decided that not going after her for support has not helped visits between child and mom, she complained about gas money. I watched her go on multiple international trips every year and buy a fancy car and still only see kid every 3 to 6 months, and usually only overnight, I even meet her half way even though she moved. So a few months ago I went after her and she was a no show in court so even though I told judge she text me a few times of working anywhere from 15 hrs a day to 90 hours a week he said he found that hard to believe and just imputed min wage full time on her so I would get 181$ a month, and in the order she was to report proper financials by oct 5 of course that never happened. So I immediately went to local maintenance enf agency and am now getting some money from her, not much. I have to decide if it is worth chasing her for financials or bug her for it for 6 months first then push the courts to do something.

Here in BC grand parents have the right to apply for an access order, it doesnt mean they will get one. I think that alone can create stress and everything else on the immediate family unit and that grand parents should not be allowed to impose.

I always have this feeling that as a man and single parent people look at my situation and feel there is more to the story like as if I may be an instigator or the big bad man and probably created the situation and am keeping the kids from mom and grammy etc....I feel a single mom would have an easier time getting support and be supported more in the situation I have with grandma and grand child access.

I know at work the women and their issues as a single parent during my issues as a single parent were well taken care of, I was not taken nearly as serious as they were. Its a crappy feeling and thank gawd I have a full time nanny that I can trust! I live check to check because of the expense, but it is necessary for my job and getting money from ex to help with that would be like squeezing water from a stone. Work was a whole other huge battle for me as during these issues they were forcing me to work 15-19 hours drive away from home! I had to go or be held out of work and the union said it might hit the arbitrator in a couple years and you will have to find work elsewhere until then or else go to where they are forcing you to work...thank gawd thats not happening anymore.

You got me on a rant lol......anyhow ya grandma is a pill popper crazy i'll show you type of lady, no one in her family get along with her well at all, unless she gives her kids things like money when they are in desperate times, which all 3 of her kids seem to be quite often. Grandma is definetly mad at me for letting the house go into foreclosure after she played games trying to weasle more and more money from me to buy her out of the house...a time came when work slowed for almost a year and I was not working for 10 weeks and I am not sure if she thought I was bluffing but she laughed at me and said the house would not go up for sale over her dead body, even after warning her to help with payments or sell the house asap she held out hoping for money i guess or ruin me I can not confirm what goes through her head...she did ruin my credit rating, and now its like she is saying you can run but you cant hide lol, and immediately after forecloser precedings started she put forth the application for an access order but did not persue it until 14 months later, I assume this was so she could let it burn in me for a while.....heh.
I can not afford a specialist right now as my financial situation is not up to snuff yet, so maybe I can use something the medical system will provide for free, a note as well as the report of the views of the child from the courts.
I find it hard not to go on a rant......sry. 🙄

[Links17]

You don't impute come based on full-time minimum wage. You impute it based on standard of living in that "she is receiving other sources of income" which allow her to travel etc...

It is ok, keep it up. It doesn't matter what you look like to the courts. Just be firm in your position but open to reasonable accommodations.

In court, you let the psychologist do the talking and if its like what you say then it will be over after trial.

Its often like this for men, things start off as VERY bad and if you just stick to the script they improve over time.

Happy you claimed bankruptcy.... It's not as bad at all as people say.

[undersc0re]

You don't impute come based on full-time minimum wage. You impute it based on standard of living in that "she is receiving other sources of income" which allow her to travel etc...

It is ok, keep it up. It doesn't matter what you look like to the courts. Just be firm in your position but open to reasonable accommodations.

In court, you let the psychologist do the talking and if its like what you say then it will be over after trial.

Its often like this for men, things start off as VERY bad and if you just stick to the script they improve over time.

Happy you claimed bankruptcy.... It's not as bad at all as people say.

Maybe you have an idea of this situation, We foreclosed on our home and nobody replyed to the foreclosure, we all just let it go through its procedure and now finally I would a year and a half later it has been sold. Now we don't have a seperation agreement yet, and she has not claimed bankruptcy or included it in any insolvency. If we go to court now to finalize finances and do our own seperation agreement etc am I gonna get dinged for part of that debt again, and have to share the houshold debt with her when cmhc/bank decides to sue etc. My trustee said the mortgage was included with my insolvency deal, and that the other on title and mortgage are still liable for all the debt? We seperated before the foreclosure. I am expecting to get some major backlash when garnishment for debt starts to happen to the other 2, they are already hiding from the system, especially the ex mil who won't even give me her actual address of where she lives, just a mailing address of her son's house.

I was hoping this bankruptcy and foreclosure would free me from any debt so I can provide for my children and start fresh.

[Links17]

You have to properly time the bankruptcy so it's done after you become responsible for all your debts. If you claim it to early then a party can still come after you later for a debt because it didn't exist before the bankruptcy...

Also you cannot make any sort of agreement and then claim bankruptcy. The agreement will need to be followed. On the other hand if the judge orders you to do crazy things and you claim bankruptcy (as long as they are not called "Support payments") then you are free.

[undersc0re]

Back to the breach of an order.....

So my accusation to the ex mil of breaching an order by making me look bad to my 9yr old daughter telling her all about the access order and court, because of daddy. Judge took ex mil response that she had to explain to the poor kid somehow about the situation and sluffed off the breach with a very minor warning that she is not to do that.

So the kid communicates via imsg on ipod with grammy every day or could be every few days....we switched internet, been busy etc...just put new internet pass in ipod and a bunch of msgs pop up, last one saying its funny how you have not responded since your father and I went back to court, and another saying she will be recording all of this non responses etc...all in the kids imsgs!

So obviously grammy knows she won't get in trouble for messing around and trying to make my parenting a little more difficult dealing with a kid that thinks her dad is big jerk....so now I feel like no communication between grammy and kid should happen if the head games are going to happen, kid is a 9yr old impressionable sensitive girl.

Is there an option I have now with another obvious breach of a kangaroo court order? Obviously on the next visit with grammy the kid is gonna be told how much grammy hates dad for keeping kid from her....and how mean I am etc.

My first instincts and responsibility as a parent who wants the best for their kid would be to cease and desist all communication, and visits if I could. Too bad I can't make grammy and kid hang out with a responsible adult who could intervene with headgames with poor innocent kid, and promote only positive time.

Could I apply for emergency motion to remove access until next court date, or alternative access conditions? I doubt that would fall under an emeregency motion...but maybe just a motion, next court date is not until mid march. I have a feeling courts do not want to deal with petty crap like this, but there must be some sort of option for best interest of the kid.

[rockscan]

You should keep all those messages. Im not sure how to do it on an ipod but try. Theyre good proof.

Also tell kid that she is allowed to tell grammy she doesnt want to be involved and please stop discussing it with her. You can also send another written reminder that she is to not discuss these issues with kid.

Have you looked into therapy? Having a therapist help her provides two things: first the ability to work through her feelings about what her grandmother says and second so you have a witness that can testify that kid is telling them this is happening.

[undersc0re]

You should keep all those messages. Im not sure how to do it on an ipod but try. Theyre good proof.

Also tell kid that she is allowed to tell grammy she doesnt want to be involved and please stop discussing it with her. You can also send another written reminder that she is to not discuss these issues with kid.

Have you looked into therapy? Having a therapist help her provides two things: first the ability to work through her feelings about what her grandmother says and second so you have a witness that can testify that kid is telling them this is happening.

I am in a financially difficult situation for probably another year, hard to pay for things like lawyers and therapists, but I will be looking into the costs and alternatives.

The kid seems to be trying her best to not let me know grammy told her about court, I think its because grammy is telling her to keep it quiet if she wants some things...the sister let me know she heard grammy telling young kid all about the court issues and convincing her to ask for overnights.

I have never believed in therapy, always considered it a cash grab lol, I am looking at it a little differently last while...I assumed it would convince a child to think that they have a problem.

[rockscan]

Some therapists are paid through provincial benefits. And if your workplace has an EAP then you could get it that way. Try the school too!

Even if she doesnt tell you, you can still tell her she doesnt have to listen to it especially if it makes her uncomfortable.

[undersc0re]

You should keep all those messages. Im not sure how to do it on an ipod but try. Theyre good proof.

Also tell kid that she is allowed to tell grammy she doesnt want to be involved and please stop discussing it with her. You can also send another written reminder that she is to not discuss these issues with kid.

Have you looked into therapy? Having a therapist help her provides two things: first the ability to work through her feelings about what her grandmother says and second so you have a witness that can testify that kid is telling them this is happening.

The written reminder got me a response of "whats wrong? Truth hurt?" Etc... I should have gotten a clause in the order that said if she disparages the parent and talks about the court order then the order is null and void! Wish I could break the order like she does....the psycho took my email and starting egging me on even though I suggested other ways of discussing the access times with her granddaughter...
I guess grandmother got upset granddaughter did not reply on ipod within 6 days and made me look like a bad guy.