Consequences of Withholding Access

[ninehundredt]

My ex was arrested and charged several weeks ago. She now has a 'no contact' order, which in effect makes our child exchanges more difficult now because a third party must be involved. I contacted one of the centres which offers these exchange services and initiated the process. My lawyer in turn contacted my ex to pass on the information so we could get the ball rolling and have access restored.

Rather than doing the right thing and cooperating so I can see the kids again, she is taking advantage of the situation in order to keep them from me as long as possible. My lawyer is now in the process of drafting an emergency order and a motion to change. Unfortunately we all know how long the court process takes, so it's unlikely that I will see my kids again for some time.

To add some perspective (back story), while I had pursued a joint custody agreement, the judge determined that it would not make sense as my ex was unwilling to work with me...and so she ended up with sole custody, and I was granted regular access.

In light of these facts I'm wondering if anyone with a similar experience can chime in:

1. What consequences does she face for behaving like this? I have heard stories about parents dodging court orders, and it's unsettling to think that she could potentially continue to withhold access.

2. This is the first incident since we reached a custody agreement several months ago. How much more does she have to screw up before there is a realistic potential for me to make a successful claim for custody?

[Links17]

To add some perspective (back story), while I had pursued a joint custody agreement, the judge determined that it would not make sense as my ex was unwilling to work with me...and so she ended up with sole custody, and I was granted regular access.

Wait, so she didn't want to cooperate with you and so she got custody?
How do you define "regular access"?

[LovingFather32]

Get that emergency order NOW! Dont let your lawyer delay this process. Emergency motion can be heard within a few days.

Your ex sounds like she's making some big mistakes at the moment. Arrested/Charged .. Denying access? Doesn't sound like a responsible custodial parent to me.

Were there other substantial reasons she got sole? Judges dont always buy one parent saying they cant communicate. (i.e - parallel parenting, etc).

Whats her reason for access denial? Has her lawyer reached your lawyer yet?

She is in contempt of the order specifying access at the moment. Charged/arrested too.

I don't know enough about your case to give my opinion of custody change .. but I can say that any judge would not look favorably on her recent actions.

Now .. Get that EM and go get your kids back. First thing next week!

[ninehundredt]

Wait, so she didn't want to cooperate with you and so she got custody?
How do you define "regular access"?

Basically yes. Judges don't like to grant joint custody to parties that refuse to communicate with one another. So by virtue of being stubborn, one party can effectively force sole custody. It also helps that primary custody is often given to mothers to begin with.

I could have stayed the course and gone to trial over it, but it would have been a losing battle...and a very expensive one at that.

By regular access I mean alternating weekends, and an evening or two during the week. Also holidays and vacations...etc. Fairly frequent access.

[ninehundredt]

Get that emergency order NOW! Dont let your lawyer delay this process. Emergency motion can be heard within a few days.

Your ex sounds like she's making some big mistakes at the moment. Arrested/Charged .. Denying access? Doesn't sound like a responsible custodial parent to me.

Were there other substantial reasons she got sole? Judges dont always buy one parent saying they cant communicate. (i.e - parallel parenting, etc).

Whats her reason for access denial? Has her lawyer reached your lawyer yet?

She is in contempt of the order specifying access at the moment. Charged/arrested too.

I don't know enough about your case to give my opinion of custody change .. but I can say that any judge would not look favorably on her recent actions.

Now .. Get that EM and go get your kids back. First thing next week!

Already on top of it my friend, and confident that there will be a resolution in time. She is taking the maximum amount of time she can to respond to communications with the lawyers. I'm certain there will be consequences, but not sure how it will affect the big picture.

[blinkandimgone]

Can you arrange for a third party (friend or family member?) to do the exchanges until exchange centre is in place so you don't miss out on time? Have your lawyer send a letter saying that you will be sending someone to pick up the children for your regular access on XX date and time and that refusal would be considered denial if access and withholding.

[ninehundredt]

Can you arrange for a third party (friend or family member?) to do the exchanges until exchange centre is in place so you don't miss out on time? Have your lawyer send a letter saying that you will be sending someone to pick up the children for your regular access on XX date and time and that refusal would be considered denial if access and withholding.

Already been there and done that. After she refused to allow for a family friend to do the exchanges I initiated the application with an exchange centre. The exchange centre has immediate availability, but they need her to call to continue the application process I started.

This is why I'm curious about the consequences for her, as she is refusing to cooperate unless she is forced by the courts.

[arabian]

here is a recent Ontario case where mother was held in contempt regarding her withholding access:

https://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/do...5onsc5240.html

It looks like "make-up time" was the consequence.

[ninehundredt]

here is a recent Ontario case where mother was held in contempt regarding her withholding access:

https://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/do...5onsc5240.html

It looks like "make-up time" was the consequence.

Interesting read. I'm actually surprised that the dad was even granted 'make-up time' considering how poor his track record is with following the previous court order.

[Links17]

Basically yes. Judges don't like to grant joint custody to parties that refuse to communicate with one another. So by virtue of being stubborn, one party can effectively force sole custody. It also helps that primary custody is often given to mothers to begin with.

I could have stayed the course and gone to trial over it, but it would have been a losing battle...and a very expensive one at that.

By regular access I mean alternating weekends, and an evening or two during the week. Also holidays and vacations...etc. Fairly frequent access.

For other dads reading this, if you fail to go to court for custody and the claim judges will do X, Y or Z. You are not helping yourself, the children or other fathers in the future. The only thing that the record & statistics will show is that you consented to the mom having custody.

When mothers have sole custody, moving away is VERY easy as long as it isn't for a frivolous reason.

Changing the status quo that you consented to also becomes VERY hard.

Also EoW is basically being relegated to a non-father, clown and bank machine.

In your case ninehundredt, I would use this situation as a change in circumstances and file for shared custody.

My ex recently assaulted me too and I didn't file precisely because the cops said it would make exchanges harder.

[blinkandimgone]

Already been there and done that. After she refused to allow for a family friend to do the exchanges I initiated the application with an exchange centre. The exchange centre has immediate availability, but they need her to call to continue the application process I started.

This is why I'm curious about the consequences for her, as she is refusing to cooperate unless she is forced by the courts.

Then attend with and remain in the car or standing outside the vehicle at the end of the driveway. It's your time and you are attempting to exercise it. Document every refusal and withholding as denial of access.

If you won't do that, at the very least show up at the exchange centre every time you are scheduled and have her no shows documented as well.

[YYZDaddy]

For other dads reading this, if you fail to go to court for custody and the claim judges will do X, Y or Z. You are not helping yourself, the children or other fathers in the future. The only thing that the record & statistics will show is that you consented to the mom having custody.

Couldn't agree more with Links17...
FIGHT for all the access time you can, and sole/joint custody if you can. (Sounds like you may have a reasonable case here).

FWIW... I am in the final stages of a custody battle and will get sole custody and primary access, because I didn't accept anything less than equal access. My ex refused to consider anything more than her sole custody and me EOW dad. This did not go well for her. (lots of ugly details omitted)

Many stories I hear of fathers not having custody or equal access are a result of not really trying for it. Yes, it's stressful and expensive.

Fight, man. Fight.

[Dadx5]

I had a very high conflict ex, who broke court orders all the time, each time there was a significant break I went for a motion, eventually the contempts added up and she lost time, we moved from her having sole to shared.

Again she played games and withheld more, so judge moved child into my primary care granting me some extra days.

Ex continued and withheld again, and for now she has no access with our daughter.

Its a long battle but it can be won. Just document, attempt access everytime, and go for motions change will happen it just might be slow.

[FirstTimer]

How many motions did you go through before it was switched.

When you say signficant break, how long was that? She withheld access from you? My situation is slightly different, she breaks the court order by not taking him to school on his days.

She's been doing this for the past 6 months and i was going to take her to court on this but we have a hearing scheduled by the judge Sept 8.

Howver, I just found out yesterday that she as the application didn't book it, so now it could be possible that we will not be in court till next year due to the fact that there are no available spots for special chambers till beginning of next year.

I had a very high conflict ex, who broke court orders all the time, each time there was a significant break I went for a motion, eventually the contempts added up and she lost time, we moved from her having sole to shared.

Again she played games and withheld more, so judge moved child into my primary care granting me some extra days.

Ex continued and withheld again, and for now she has no access with our daughter.

Its a long battle but it can be won. Just document, attempt access everytime, and go for motions change will happen it just might be slow.

[Dadx5]

I am guessing you are a different province then me as I don't know what special chambers is?

In my situation I was not with mom when child born so I had a series of court appearances to get paternity and start access. but over the last few years I had probably about 8 motions (contempts) before I started getting any movement in how I was seen in the courts. The main court issues started in 2011 and are only changing now. During that time I have lost from weekends, to months of access at a time.

Yes I have dealt with mom not taking child to school to block access. I submitted a copy of school record, and judge was very strict with her about this as child needs to be in school.