Help with new Motion to Change

[blendedinsanity]

Hi everyone, for those of you that helped me before, just to give an update after my SO's ex's lawyer sent this crazy list of Section 7 expenses, plus asked for three years of my NOA's, we replied and stated that my NOA's were not relevant and that the majority of the items on the list were not valid Section 7 expenses and therefore he would not be paying for them. We also included three emails where she said that she would not be pursuing section 7 expenses since she feels he pays enough. The next thing we know he gets a call from her lawyer stating that the ex wants to settle and just wants this all to end because this is affecting her health and well-being. She agreed to everything he asked for except for wanting a few small changes that my SO was fine with. Within a day the Addendum was done and signed. I told him several times that this was a ploy that she had some other plan but he said I was just being paranoid.

Tuesday we filed the Addendum with the court asking for an order on consent. Friday we went to pick my step-son up for access and she comes out with a travel consent letter for their family trip and out of the corner of my eye I see her boyfriend walking over with a package in his hand and I said to him here we go. As my step-son is getting into the car, the new BF comes over, reaches into the vehicle and throws a package of papers at my SO and walks away. Had he simply held it out it would have been taken but whatever works for you I guess. He starts to open the envelope and the ex says no no just wait until after the weekend I don't want to ruin your father's day

So sure enough she's now brought a Motion to Change asking for sole custody on the basis that he has made it impossible for her to communicate with him, he has refused to pay for items that would have benefited the child at issue and the most bizarre thing ever. Last year she had asked if my SO would be opposed to her applying for Greek citizenship for their son so he could have dual citizenship. He replied and said that since they require a mandatory military stint, he didn't feel that was a decision they should make for him as a child and that this was something he could decide for himself once he turned 18. In addition he pointed out that certain steps would need to be taken before they could even apply for the citizenship and stated that she may want to start those steps now since they are very lengthy if she believes he will want the dual citizenship when he's 18. We never heard anything more about it. Well the third reason she wants sole custody is because he refused to sign the consent for the dual citizenship which would have allowed their son to travel around the EU. Canadian's have an issue traveling around the EU??

So I have a few questions I'm hoping that I can get some help with. The first is - the clerk issued a new Court File Number. Are we not supposed to maintain the same file number throughout? Yes it is a new city than where the divorce was finalized, but we just finished our Motion to Change under the old file number in that same courthouse.

The second is - there is no court seal or stamp on the paperwork anywhere. Are they not supposed to stamp or seal the first page?

Third - in the expenses for two school trips she added spending money that she had given him - despite the fact that we also gave him spending money, plus my mom gave him spending money and so did my SO's mom and brother. Can her portion of spending money actually be included as a Section 7?

Fourth - she added in that she wants my SO to obtain a life insurance policy in the amount of $100,000 payable to her in the event of his death. This issue had already been raised 2 years ago and it was agreed that since they both have medical issues that would make obtaining additional life insurance either impossible or extremely costly, that they would both leave their work insurance to their estate and appoint the other parent the trustee over the portion for any child that was a minor at the time of their death. Is that not sufficient?

Fifth - if there are things in her affidavit that we can prove she is lying about - how should he approach that in his reply? She provided no proof of anything just made statements, but the majority of them we have written evidence that she's lying. As much as he would love to say "as proof that she is attempting to deliberately deceive the court" I'm trying to convince him to be a little more rational. Any suggestions on how that should be worded?

Thanks again for all of your help!

[stripes]

Just a couple of thoughts:

1. It's not unreasonable for her to ask for three years worth of NOAs. Why not provide them to her? They're an important part of financial disclosure.

2. With respect to insurance - if neither parent can get private insurance because of medical issues, why not check whether you can get additional insurance coverage through your work plan? Typically, getting additional coverage through a group plan is a lot cheaper than getting private insurance (e.g. I pay $8 a month for an additional $100 000 of life insurance through work, on top of what I get as an employment benefit). You ought to carry enough insurance to pay off any mortgage or debt and to provide child support until the kid reaches 18, but the older the kid is (and the lower your debt load is), the less insurance you need.

3. If Mom is not telling the truth on her materials, I would avoid the use of language like "deliberately deceiving". That speaks to Mom's intent, and as you are not inside Mom's head, you can't say what she's thinking. Just stick to the facts which are observable to an outsider: e.g. on [date] you received a message from Mom saying xxxxx. On [date + 1] you respond saying yyyy. Don't psychoanalyze Mom in official documents, as tempting as it might be to do so.

[blendedinsanity]

Just a couple of thoughts:

1. It's not unreasonable for her to ask for three years worth of NOAs. Why not provide them to her? They're an important part of financial disclosure.

Thanks Stripes! With respect to this question they asked for MY NOA's not my fiance's. He's provided his stuff every year as required. My info is not relevant to anything going on.

He increased his work insurance to the maximum ($500k) and it is split 50/50 between their kids. She wants another 100k. They have one child that is over 18 and one that is under 18. The older child does not have a relationship with the mom and did not want her being in charge of his money so a neutral third party they both respect was chosen. He made his ex the trustee over the portion for the under age son to make sure all of his obligations were covered.

[nfc4ever]

I believe the OP is married to a payor of CS. There is no need for her to furnish her NOAS, unless a claim for hardship is being made.

If you make more than your SO's ex, it's just going to upset her.

There is no need for insurance policies to benefit the ex. Any policy to benefit a child should be left to the child with trustee arrangements being set up. She might not like you or a family member of his as the trustee, due to fear of dealing with your SO's family.

[stripes]

Thanks Stripes! With respect to this question they asked for MY NOA's not my fiance's. He's provided his stuff every year as required. My info is not relevant to anything going on.

He increased his work insurance to the maximum ($500k) and it is split 50/50 between their kids. She wants another 100k. They have one child that is over 18 and one that is under 18. The older child does not have a relationship with the mom and did not want her being in charge of his money so a neutral third party they both respect was chosen. He made his ex the trustee over the portion for the under age son to make sure all of his obligations were covered.

You're right, your NOAs aren't relevant.

In the event of Dad's death, what expenses would insurance have to cover? How much is owing on the mortgage (or do you have mortgage insurance?). How well-funded are the kids' RESPs? How many more years of CS is the youngest kid in for? Does Dad have other dependents that would need to be supported by his estate, or would a survivors' pension of some sort kick in? All of these factors would need to be considered to determine whether carrying $500K in life insurance is adequate. It sounds like plenty to me, but I don't know your circumstances.

[blendedinsanity]

That insurance would strictly be for the kids. We have mortgage insurance and aside from that no debt. No other survivors, we had an agreement drawn up before we even moved in together that what's his is his, what's mine is mine and that neither was entitled to any insurance, etc. I pay for my kids, he pays for his and we are very careful to keep it separate financially. We don't know the amount of his RESP mom opened it and has refused to provide any statements. We put money away every month for his son and my two. He will be 18 in a little less than 4 years so 250k should more than cover his education, child support, etc.

[stripes]

You've laid out your situation very clearly, and from what you've said I don't see the need for an extra $100K in life insurance. There's such a thing as being over-insured.

[blendedinsanity]

Thanks Stripes! I have one more question I forgot at the beginning. In his response my SO obviously does not want her to have sole custody it would be a nightmare. Can we state that he wants to keep the status quo with joint custody or do we have to up it to okay then he wants sole custody? I'm wondering if we have to give the judge another "option" in case he/she decides that joint custody is no longer workable.

[stripes]

You can say that your preferred outcome is to continue with joint custody, with sole custody as your second preference if the judge determines that joint custody has become impossible.

I wouldn't begin by asking for sole, as you don't have seem to have good grounds. The bar is pretty high - you would have to show that Mom is an unfit parent and incapable of participating in decisions about the kids. From what you've said Mom is a jerk who wants to get more money out of Dad, but that doesn't mean she should lose all custody of the kids. It sounds like she and Dad have able to negotiate and work things out in the past. If Dad asks for sole as his opening position, he looks as unreasonable as Mom. This is not best-interests-of-children territory.

[blendedinsanity]

Oh he doesn't want sole custody. She is vile and vicious to us but he doesn't doubt that she loves their son and he has a good life with her. He just knows that if she gets sole custody we will be in court over and over and over. She actually called him and bragged that he will no longer be able to say no to her demands once the judge grants her sole custody. She left no alternative in her application and I have read in case law where the judge has pointed out that a parent has given no other options. We just want to make sure that doesn't happen. We thought of a joint custody with a parallel parenting plan as the back up but judges seem to be all over the map on that option.

So does anyone know if there is an issue with this paperwork because there is no seal or stamp anywhere on it? On our reply do we use the new court file number or the previous one?

Thanks again everyone!