Extra Curricular Question.

[North of 40]

Morning;

Not sure how many of you have gone through this.

Quick back ground.

Two kids ages 6 and 11.

Both active in sports.

I pay all the s-7. If I didn't pay it, they wouldn't be in anything.

Kids are split 50/50. Cs 650 SS 700 (interm agreement).

Essentially, I inherited some money and am using that for the kids.


Herein lies the question. My oldest plays rep hockey. I pay for everything.

My ex arbitrarily just told me, my 11 year old won't be playing rep every again as it's too much time. The kids loves playing hockey. Probably one of her only outlets.

Is my ex allowed to do this? Is there anything I can do? I'm guessing my situation is odd.

Thanks,

[The Iceberg]

I wonder the same thing. I pay for my kid"s sports alone. Ex always refused.

[Rioe]

If your ex thinks that hockey takes too much of your child's time, I think you need to find out why she has a problem with that. If you pay 100% of it, cost isn't an issue for your ex, but maybe she is concerned that your child's schoolwork is suffering or something. If she's only annoyed that she has to get up at crazy-o'clock in the morning on her days to get the child to the rink, you could offer to have the child on hockey days, or do the driving yourself. I don't think she can refuse to register the child at all, but she can refuse to take her to hockey on her access days.

Your child will see which parent supports her, and which parent couldn't be bothered, and she's getting to the age where she can choose to spend more time with the more supportive parent.

If it is a homework issue, you can talk to the child about how she needs to make sure she puts in enough effort at school so she can continue to have her sports.

[North of 40]

Hi Rioe;

I take her to everything even on 'odd days' . This includes all mornings.

Kid is on the honor roll at school.

I'm willing to file a motion but not sure if your allowed / makes a difference.

I'm at a loss to be honest to explain it.

[rockscan]

Isnt it only an issue if the other party refuses to pay?

[Rioe]

Hi Rioe;

I take her to everything even on 'odd days' . This includes all mornings.

Kid is on the honor roll at school.

I'm willing to file a motion but not sure if your allowed / makes a difference.

I'm at a loss to be honest to explain it.

Talk to your ex and find out WHY she thinks the child should not be in hockey. Why is not being in hockey better for the child than being in hockey, especially when the child loves hockey and it's not interfering with schoolwork?

I don't think you need court for this. Does hockey require both parents' signatures or just one?

IF you register the child for hockey and your ex withdraws her, or if you show up to take her to hockey and the house is empty, THEN maybe court would be necessary because obviously your ex is not acting in the child's best interests.

Your ex's explanation may give you some insight, but I honestly think her underlying fear is that this extra time hockey gives you with the child isn't fair. She may fear that you'll try to make your increased access time official and that CS will stop being offset and she'll have to pay you full table for that child instead.

[childrenand happy]

Your ex's explanation may give you some insight, but I honestly think her underlying fear is that this extra time hockey gives you with the child isn't fair. She may fear that you'll try to make your increased access time official and that CS will stop being offset and she'll have to pay you full table for that child instead.

It's sad when all it comes down to is the mighty dollar.

[stripes]

But the OP said it's not the almighty dollar - he is willing to pay all the costs associated with hockey. (And only the poster himself knows whether this is part of a nefarious plan to get more hours with kid - that's pure speculation).

I agree with other posters, it's important to find out why the mother wants to stop hockey. Maybe the early mornings are too disruptive to her household with other kids. Maybe it leaves no time for anything else. Maybe there's been an incident with the team that you don't know about. You can't force the mother to send the girl to hockey during her parenting time, but there may be something you can do to make it easier for the mother to say yes to continuing hockey.

[mcdreamy]

What your ex does with the children on her time, is her decision. She is under no obligation whatsoever to become a hockey parent.

At the ages of 6 and 11 respectively, your children are no where near being adult enough to choose between parents [particularly on a hockey game, no less], and any assvice given in that regard is irresponsible.

[North of 40]

I kind of think the last paragraph by Rioe is more accurate.....sadly. Which frankly, I would just continue paying her regardless.

To be enrolled in hockey you need one signature. She's fairly known in her org. so they would work with me on any issues.

I can't see her physically trying to stop her but who knows.

Moreover, I agree, my daughter will begin to see who has more of an interest in her activities or best interests. As she closes in on 12, I guess it will be a bit of a decision.

[Serene]

Consider enrolling the child yourself (providing this is what the child wants). Make no commitment to what will happen on mom's time. Advise mom you have enrolled child and you have zero expectation but that you believe this represents child's best interests/wishes.

[Serene]

All that to say - never ask permission where no permission is required.

[stripes]

Are you referring to the urban myth that once kids are 12, they can choose which parent to live with? It ain't so - there is no "decision" on the clock. Unless Mom is neglectful or abusive to the child, your role is to support your daughter's relationship with both parents, you and Mom. This includes not angling for extra hours that could support an attempt to get primary custody through hockey.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but that's the way your last couple of posts have come off - like this isn't about the hockey, it's about the struggles between Mom and Dad.

[rockscan]

If its about the cs then advise her you have no intention of modifying the time arrangement for cs purposes, this is just something the child enjoys and you are taking on the costs for it and travel yourself. She probably wont admit the cs stuff but maybe voicing the response to her concerns may help. Plus, hockey ends in April so youll be back to a regular schedule of 50/50 no question.

[North of 40]

I hope it's not coming across that I want sole custody. I truly believe that having two parents involved in a child's life is beneficial.

I'm just amazed one parent can make arbitrary decisions.

I'm pretty flexible...i.e. allowing her to take the kids in the middle of the year to Jamaica etc.. even when it's 'my time'.