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Taking liberties with court ordered access

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  • Taking liberties with court ordered access

    Ok so I have a bit of a dilemma.

    The court has ordered specified access on Sundays from 12:30 - 3:30. This is just while the child psychologist does some work to determine a more regular schedule of reintegration.

    So, ex has started dropping our son off a half hour late and then she calls midway through the visit and tells my father that she needs a couple of more hours before my father drops him back to her. I am happy to have the extra time with my son but I am very wary about straying outside of the court ordered time. Due to the high conflict nature of our divorce and the endless BS she keeps pulling, I am terrified to stay any longer than 3:30 for fear that the police will show up at the door! Consdiering the amount of lies and other stuff she has pulled since our separation, I am nervous that she is going to do something like that. What should I do here? I'd love to have more time with him but I can't help but feel as though I'm being set up for something. Not to mention that I am on call with my job and if I don't know in advance of her intentions to leave him longer, then I cannot make the necessary arrangements to take time off outside of the time indicated in the court order.

    Can a consent order be created between my lawyer and her's to make the time on sunday longer and simply have it registered with the court without actually going into the court room? Is this something that can be done in a more informal fashion within a week or so?

    Any input would be greatly appreciated!


  • #2
    I'm no expert but....


    Once bitten twice shy. Simply don't answer the phone during the visit. Meet at the arranged time for drop-off, with a witness. I think maybe a policeman, if she doesn't show up. Show that you are complying with the Order and not the other party and use th4 policeman as a witness. When the time comes for a motion to vary, you have substantiated proof of non-compliance of the Court Order.

    Documentation, evidence, witness. and compliance. You are right and virtuous in your integrity to comply. But games should not be played by either party using the child as a pawn. I think this is a manipulation by the other party to exercise control over you, the child and the situation. Relieve the situation by total compliance with the rules with no variance unless it is in writing and acknowledged by the court.

    I am not sure about the consent Order but a variance could be arranged, between the two parties. Please remember though, assess the peron that you are dealing with. Are they willing, or controlling? If they prefer to control the situation they will make un-arranged changes down the road again, even after a variance. Stick to the Order for now, it is your integrity at stake.

    Again, just my 2 cents


    • #3
      Hey Mcbroke,

      You pretty much summed up what I was feeling about the whole situation. My ex is a total control freak and I am getting tired of her calling the shots constantly and my having to feel as though it's my only option. I take great comfort in having formal orders in place. I never thought I'd say that, but at least I know that when something in ordered, and I follow it to a T, then I am safe.

      I've emailed my lawyer and informed her of the situation. I've asked her to seek a variance or at least something formal and in writing with ex and her lawyer, stating that we have agreed to extend my time on Sunday to last until 5 or 6:00. I've also asked my lawyer to highlight in her letter to ex's lawyer that his client cannot take liberties with the times which have been put in place as it's interferes with my plans on that day with my son and also my employment.

      It's funny how little attention my ex has paid to the court orders since all of this started. It's as though she has no regard for any of them at all! I suppose I shouldn't be surprised as she is continuously non-compliant but the court never does anything about it. What's the point in having court orders if a person can pick and choose when she gets to comply and there is never any punishment for non-compliance!!? It's so frustrating! The courts are pretty much telling her she doesn't have to comply simply by never imposing any punishment for her repeately ignoring the orders! Arg!!!!!!

      Pulling my hair out!



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