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  • New here. A few Questions

    Hello group. I was told this would be a great place to do some research and get feedback regarding my divorce. I hear this group has a lot to offer.

    Here goes:

    I have been married for 17 years. My wife left me 3 months ago for another man. We have a 7 year old daughter together. She does not work and I do. I make approximately $50,000 per year.

    She told me I had to leave my own home and I did hoping that we could work things out with a little distance between us. Now she has filed for divorce and wants everything.

    She doesn't want to work and she says that she is going to go on social assistance. We have a lot of debt. I will likely file for bankruptcy soon.

    She wants spousal support, child support and all household possessions. I have no problem with the child support but I don't know how I am going to support us both on $50,000 per year. She says that until things go through the legal system she will use social assistance.

    I don't care about the household items or the car. She can have it all. But I need to know how I am supposed to support us both on $50,000 per year? I am terrified. After taxes and child support I will only be left with enough to support myself. How can I possibly give her half?

    I have no benefits as my job is not permanent.

    She has never worked and has always felt that I had to take care of her. She is 43 years old and capable of working.

    I would really appreciate any advice on this. I am very confused and I could really use some guidance.

    Thank you
    Robbie

  • #2
    #1 mistake was to leave the house. What are your custody and access expectations?

    Be aware: any acts of genorosity most likely will come back and bite you in the a$$. For example, the car and house items are worth something. Sure, you can give them away, but that is lost $'s. They can though be placed on an equalization sheet when you do you net family property.

    Sounds like you need an "exit plan". Being flippant on the house, access, cash and assets can kill you. Also don't get pushed around. She asked you leave... and you left.... hmmm... what's next?

    Worse case scenario is that she gets your child. So full CS to you. At 50,000 that is $462 per month (plus daycare, medical, dental, day-to-day, extra stuff, etc). She most likely will get spousal... potentially for life. The judge will NOT fix term, especially after 17 years. Since she is with someone, make sure you add the clause "expires when she remarries"... plus you want to add "... cohabitates, starts seriously dating, in a common law relationship of 6 months or more...". Trust me. So you can lose up to 60% of your NET income. So 50,000 is like 39K net, x .6 = 23K. 23K minus 6K child support is 17K divide by 12 months is 1.4K in SS. My guess is that you'll get soaked for about 1K.

    So your monthly: 500 + (daycare, medical, dental, extra expenses, day-to-day) + 1000 + other. I'd ask for the lamp back.

    Now, what do you want?

    Comment


    • #3
      I need time to digest all of this. I am shocked by the numbers you have provided me with.

      To sum up, are you saying that I can expect to pay out at least $1500 per month with both SS and CS? I will be left with about 20k per year to exist on? How can that be? How am I supposed to have any quality of life living on that? Why wouldn't she be expected to get a job? This is devastating. But I thank you for your reply.

      To respond, I have no idea what I want. I just know what I don't want, and that's to be forced to live in poverty while she does nothing.

      Comment


      • #4
        Well, you are seriously behind the 8 ball here. You have a long-term stay at home mom. You abandoned your child.

        Trust me. You wife has an exit plan. You just don't see it yet.

        Comment


        • #5
          Okay, lets begin with the basics. Do you want joint custody and joint access of your daughter?

          Comment


          • #6
            Reply to Decent Dad

            Can this guy not force the sell of the home and have all assests split down the middle? Just because she doesn't work doesn't mean that she is allowed to stay there and he gets nothing. Generally don't couples either sell or buy the other party out if they wish to reamain in the home?

            I agree with the earlier comment big mistake leaving initially but still in the end if she wishes to remain there and if they own the home then she buys him out or they sell and split the assests. There is no way by law that she is allowed to keep everything and not divide a thing and just sit back and collect collect collect.

            Doesn't sound like he abandoned his child she did ask him to leave but I wouldn't defintley get the child access and support sorted out, here's a trip go for sole custody!!!!

            Good luck!
            T












            Originally posted by robbie
            Hello group. I was told this would be a great place to do some research and get feedback regarding my divorce. I hear this group has a lot to offer.

            Here goes:

            I have been married for 17 years. My wife left me 3 months ago for another man. We have a 7 year old daughter together. She does not work and I do. I make approximately $50,000 per year.

            She told me I had to leave my own home and I did hoping that we could work things out with a little distance between us. Now she has filed for divorce and wants everything.

            She doesn't want to work and she says that she is going to go on social assistance. We have a lot of debt. I will likely file for bankruptcy soon.

            She wants spousal support, child support and all household possessions. I have no problem with the child support but I don't know how I am going to support us both on $50,000 per year. She says that until things go through the legal system she will use social assistance.

            I don't care about the household items or the car. She can have it all. But I need to know how I am supposed to support us both on $50,000 per year? I am terrified. After taxes and child support I will only be left with enough to support myself. How can I possibly give her half?

            I have no benefits as my job is not permanent.

            She has never worked and has always felt that I had to take care of her. She is 43 years old and capable of working.

            I would really appreciate any advice on this. I am very confused and I could really use some guidance.

            Thank you
            Robbie

            Comment


            • #7
              Unless your wife has won a motion for exclusive possession of the matrimonial home and contents, you need to move back in there because you cannot afford not to. She would have an impossible task in getting thatmotion unless you abused her and have lived elsewhere for an extended period of time.

              The police in my area have tried to discourage men from moving back in but as long as your name is on that deed, you can call a locksmith(if necessary) and move back. Be nice, non-provoking, obliging. Make sure you look into free counselling programs for separating parents. Express your desire to get along until your issues are figured out. Spend as much quality time with your child as possible. Do not ever argue in front of your child. But remember, do not expect her to clean/cook/etc. for you.

              Do not just move out and allow her to continue on in her comfortable life without a care in the world. You are paying the utilities/mortgage to have your wife and her boyfriend there. Is that the status quo you want to have against you when you go to court. If there is one thing I have learned is that judges are reluctant to interrupt status quo.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Taestoy
                Can this guy not force the sell of the home and have all assests split down the middle? Just because she doesn't work doesn't mean that she is allowed to stay there and he gets nothing. Generally don't couples either sell or buy the other party out if they wish to reamain in the home?

                I agree with the earlier comment big mistake leaving initially but still in the end if she wishes to remain there and if they own the home then she buys him out or they sell and split the assests. There is no way by law that she is allowed to keep everything and not divide a thing and just sit back and collect collect collect.

                Doesn't sound like he abandoned his child she did ask him to leave but I wouldn't defintley get the child access and support sorted out, here's a trip go for sole custody!!!!

                Good luck!
                T
                Just to be clear: I never said he can't force the sale of this house. Nor did I say that he is not entitled to half the equity in the house. Or that he can't buy her out. Division of assets is about the closest thing to b/w rules in Family Law as it gets.

                My reference to leaving the house was strictly directed at custody and access. Correct, you, I and he knows he did not abandon the child, but in the courts eyes he did and he can add that as another thing to explain and fight. It is a mark against him (a big mark). He basically gave default custody and access to his stbx. Why give yourself more grief.

                Also, she can sit back and collect, collect, collect. Trust me. Especially if the "other guy" settles in and pays half the bills.

                My points is; if you know what you are up against regarding support, access and custody, you stand a better chance. He might get joint custody and joint access. He might get decent levels of spousal. He might get a break on child support in shared custody. But that's does not come magically. He has to fight like heck. Start now!

                Follow my three rules of divorce:

                1) What does the law say
                2) What do you expect to happen
                3) What most likely will happen

                Knowing all three inside and out is key to survival. Oh, and get it done in 6 months or you're in for years of hell.

                Comment


                • #9
                  My comments were based for him so he understands what he can do as far as the property is concerened i know that you never made that comment. It sounded like he didn't realize his rights and what i meant by her sitting back and collecting was that by law she can't be allowed to keep the house and keep all assests and not split a thing and collect everything. It's sad because so many men fall into the naive trap and don't know what the rules are. I have a friend who left her husband and had 2 kids, at the time she left she didn't have the resources to care for them properly so she left them with the husband, big mistake for sure! because now she is trying to get them back and it's hell so i totally agree that the courts see it that way regarding the child if you leave them behind even if at the time it was better for the child's welfare.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    It's sad that immediately from the "get go" it is such an adversarial system. Any simple gesture of good faith, whether its financial or child-related (e.g. moving out to a friends for a few days to get some perspective and give each other some room), will haunt you when things go sour.

                    I just can't help that think that if the law was default joint custody and access and decent levels of support and good rules for support varitaion, a couple would stand a chance of playing nice. Which in the long run, would be best for everyone. Right now I see two parents on the path for emotional and financial exhaustion with kids right in the middle.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      It is defintiley sad your right, I really feel for men only because in my past experience they don't fight back. They would rather avoid conferntation and stress with the ex so they just continue to give in or try to avoid them all together and of course the kids suffer so much and this hurts them in the end more than helps them. I have seen so many guys put through the ringer thru the system.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Bit Of Info For Robbie

                        I have a friend who's wife refused to go back to work after the kids were born. My friend left the marriage and filed for divorce they have 2 kids. My friend was the only one working in the relationship and in the end his ex wife was forced to go back out to work because the #'s on paper didn't add up for her to also recieve the spousal support. He pays the correct amount of child support for his 2 kids but because on paper the #'s didn't work mathimatically he didn't have to pay the spousal support so every case is different and if it shows you can't aford to pay both you don't because you also have to have the funds to support yourself so it isn't always a guarntee that you also have to pay her spousal and the courts are more concerened with the child support. Just thought I would pass that along.

                        Taestoy

                        Comment

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