Moved cities with children

[Kirk2382]

Hello, hoping I can receive some advice.

I moved from Toronto to Ottawa with my 3 children in Aug, 2013. I had verbal permission from my husband, nothing in writing. I have now been working for 5 months and the children are settled into their new school. I now want to file for divorce. Can my husband force me to move back with my children?

Again everything was agreed to verbally between him and I.

Thank you.

[Rioe]

Hello, hoping I can receive some advice.

I moved from Toronto to Ottawa with my 3 children in Aug, 2013. I had verbal permission from my husband, nothing in writing. I have now been working for 5 months and the children are settled into their new school. I now want to file for divorce. Can my husband force me to move back with my children?

Again everything was agreed to verbally between him and I.

It's possible, especially as you have no written agreement to protect you. But the longer it goes like this, building status quo, the less likely he is to be able to force you back. The more reasonable you are being about him having access with the children when he is able to, the better too.


This might be a weird question, but is your husband aware that you are separated? Do you have finances divided, an access schedule, custody decided, etc? You calling him your husband instead of your ex-husband makes me wonder about the situation. Does he think that this is temporary, or that he'll soon move to join you, etc? Will a divorce request come as a complete shock to him?

[Kirk2382]

Hi and thank you for your reply.

He is my husband and we are not officially separated. I have asked him for a divorce twice but I believe he is in denial. He does believe this is temporary and we will be returning in the summer. He will never move to Ottawa and because of his drinking plus other issues we are not returning, well hopefully not. Amazing after everything that has happened he still thinks I will return. He might need to see actually papers before he realizes reality.

[DowntroddenDad]

Hi and thank you for your reply.

He is my husband and we are not officially separated. I have asked him for a divorce twice but I believe he is in denial. He does believe this is temporary and we will be returning in the summer. He will never move to Ottawa and because of his drinking plus other issues we are not returning, well hopefully not. Amazing after everything that has happened he still thinks I will return. He might need to see actually papers before he realizes reality.

If you are living apart, and you both agreed to it, you are separated. I hope you have some documentation that shows the date of separation, you will need that for a divorce and to figure out the property separation etc.

[Kirk2382]

The story I told him to justify my move to Ottawa was to care for my elderly Mom, which is true. Now I do not want to return. Yes we are living apart but he is under the assumption is only temporary. Bank accts, etc are still in both names.

Thanks.

[Berner_Faith]

Have you separated all your finances? Including bank accounts? If this is not done, it could be argued that you are both just working in different cities. It won't make THAT big of difference since it has only been 5 months, as long as you have not had significant savings since then.

[Berner_Faith]

The story I told him to justify my move to Ottawa was to care for my elderly Mom, which is true. Now I do not want to return. Yes we are living apart but he is under the assumption is only temporary. Bank accts, etc are still in both names.

Thanks.

I really hope this is not true... you basically lied to him... your intentions were always to not return, according to your first post, but used the story of caring for your sick mother. While this may or may not be true, you did not have a clear separation date and your bank accounts are still joint.

Has he seen the kids at all?

[Kirk2382]

Yes it is true that I had no intention of returning. My mother is sick and we are living with her. Our bank account is still joint. He has made the trip to Ottawa twice since we moved.

[DowntroddenDad]

Yes it is true that I had no intention of returning. My mother is sick and we are living with her. Our bank account is still joint. He has made the trip to Ottawa twice since we moved.

I would say then that for all intents and purposes you are not separated.

You aren't making things any easier for anyone by lying about your intentions. You had better come clean, tell him you aren't coming back, separate your financials and start the process.

[Motorizer]

Not cool.
They're his kids too.

[Kirk2382]

Once I start the process what do you think my chances are of being forced to move back with the kids? I am working and the kids will be in school?

[Kirk2382]

Obviously I'm not telling you everything about my husband and why we have left him.

[FB_]

If he was smart he would have you in court the day after you tell him that you are not returning.

You could then be ordered to return the children... You could do as you wish.

[DowntroddenDad]

Obviously I'm not telling you everything about my husband and why we have left him.

Divorce in Canada is no fault. Therefore the courts don't care why, unless there was domestic abuse involved. I'm sure you have your reasons. But you have lied to him, and he could argue in court that you have been denying him access to the kids because of your lies. A judge may take a very dim view of that.

[arabian]

As you have not been forthcoming about your intentions I think that your husband could indeed get an order for you to return the children. While you may think your reasons for moving the children are valid, the court may disagree.

I'm no expert but to move children from their habitual residence, without a written separation, is a serious matter.

I would strongly urge you to seek immediate legal advice.