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  • Should I tell OCL about this.

    Hi All,

    Just finished my weekend visit with my children. We as usual had a wonderful time.

    My oldest daughter (13) recently got a cell phone and for a while told me that she had no data plan.

    They eventually confided that their mother does not want them texted me or communicating with me with it.

    This is contrary to the current temporary court order that says the children should be allowed to contact me as they wish.

    I am inclined to report this to the OCL and CAS.


    Thoughts ? and as usual , thanks.

  • #2
    if they have access to a home phone they can use that to contact you like it has always been.

    Maybe offer to pay half the cost of the phone? Mom probably feels she is paying for it all then she should have the say in how it is used.

    Calling CAS is over the top.

    Comment


    • #3
      My question(s) are:

      1) is there a land-line at mom's house that you can reach her or the children at?

      2) who pays for the cells phones?

      If mom purchased on her own and you are not contributing AND there is a land-line that you can contact the kids' on than IMO mom has a valid case.

      And it's CERTAINLY not something I would report to the OCL or CAS.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
        if they have access to a home phone they can use that to contact you like it has always been.

        Maybe offer to pay half the cost of the phone? Mom probably feels she is paying for it all then she should have the say in how it is used.

        Calling CAS is over the top.

        SoS, thanks. CAS is over the top. Doesn't say somewhere in the FLR that the parent most likely to encourage and facilitate a relationship with the other parent should be given primary custody ?

        Is it not worth reporting this to the OCL for this reason ?

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by plainNamedDad44 View Post
          SoS, thanks. CAS is over the top. Doesn't say somewhere in the FLR that the parent most likely to encourage and facilitate a relationship with the other parent should be given primary custody ?

          Is it not worth reporting this to the OCL for this reason ?
          If the OCL was in the middle of interviewing you for a determination, you might make a comment.

          If the OCL isn't currently involved, then it would be way way over the top.

          Does your ex impede you from talking to the kids on the telephone? If you email the kids do they respond?

          There is no right to a data plan on a cell phone, there is no right to a cell phone.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by plainNamedDad44 View Post
            SoS, thanks. CAS is over the top. Doesn't say somewhere in the FLR that the parent most likely to encourage and facilitate a relationship with the other parent should be given primary custody ?

            Is it not worth reporting this to the OCL for this reason ?
            Its a minor issue. If she wasn't letting you call the kids on the landline then you would have more of a case. If you make a big deal of it the mom may just take the cell phone away from the child and solve it that way. Then the child would be upset and maybe blame you for it.

            Comment


            • #7
              This is not going to get you primary custody under the FLR. As other posters have said, it's not a major problem if there's another means for you to contact the kids. If you had *no* contact with the kids whatsoever, then you'd have an issue.

              Bear in mind that you only have your kids's word that their mother has told them not to text you, and kids are not the most reliable sources as to what their mother actually said. I'm not saying your kids are lying, but information passed through kids can be accidentally distorted.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by DunnMom View Post
                My question(s) are:

                1) is there a land-line at mom's house that you can reach her or the children at?

                2) who pays for the cells phones?

                If mom purchased on her own and you are not contributing AND there is a land-line that you can contact the kids' on than IMO mom has a valid case.

                And it's CERTAINLY not something I would report to the OCL or CAS.

                The court order says that I have two 1/2 hr calls a week, but that the children are allowed to contact me when they wish how they wish.

                I would gladly pay for cell phones. Regardless of who pays, restrictions should not be placed on the children.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by DowntroddenDad View Post
                  If the OCL was in the middle of interviewing you for a determination, you might make a comment.

                  If the OCL isn't currently involved, then it would be way way over the top.

                  Does your ex impede you from talking to the kids on the telephone? If you email the kids do they respond?

                  There is no right to a data plan on a cell phone, there is no right to a cell phone.
                  Technically is she not breaching the court order which says that they should be allowed to contact me as they wish ?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    BTW thanks all for the responses. Truly thankful for them all.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by plainNamedDad44 View Post
                      Technically is she not breaching the court order which says that they should be allowed to contact me as they wish ?
                      you daughter didn't want to tell you that she had a data plan. Ever think that maybe its the daughter that doesn't want you to contact her on her cell phone?

                      I would just let it go.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by plainNamedDad44 View Post
                        Hi All,

                        Just finished my weekend visit with my children. We as usual had a wonderful time.

                        My oldest daughter (13) recently got a cell phone and for a while told me that she had no data plan.

                        They eventually confided that their mother does not want them texted me or communicating with me with it.

                        This is contrary to the current temporary court order that says the children should be allowed to contact me as they wish.

                        I am inclined to report this to the OCL and CAS.


                        Thoughts ? and as usual , thanks.
                        Seems to me like you are behaving like a child who wants to tattle on someone because they are not doing what you think they should.

                        CAS is for helping children who are being neglected or abused. It's not appropriate for you to report this to them.

                        OCL is for determining the children's wishes in an ongoing court case. Are you presently going through that process with your ex, and has an OCL report been requested? If so, the appropriate thing to do is to wait and present the issue to the assessor who comes to interview you. If not, it's not appropriate for you to contact them when they are not previously ordered to be involved by a judge.

                        That said, there are good ways to proceed that don't involve CAS or OCL.

                        You have an interim order that says the children are able to contact you as they desire. Do you have any indication that this isn't happening? Do they tell you that their mom won't let them call from the landline? Maybe she doesn't want them texting you because she wants to keep the bill down. Maybe she has told the child that the cell phone is only for emergencies. Maybe the daughter doesn't want to answer questions to her mom later about all her calls to you on the bill. Unless there are previous issues about the mom not letting them contact you via other means, I would not harp on the cell phone issue.

                        However, IF the mom IS violating the interim order by preventing all forms of contact, then you need to document all the instances of this occurring. Every time your child tells you that her mom wouldn't let her call you, keep track of it. You need to be able to present a record of regularly prevented contact, not just tattle to whomever that not letting the child text to you on a cell phone is the same thing as not allowing them to contact you at all.

                        If the child DOES want to text you, contrary to her mother's wishes, then you can suggest that you would help with the cell phone bill so this can be arranged.

                        Frankly, I would be more worried that the mother is telling the children to lie to you, than I would be about the form this particular lie takes. This is something you fight not by addressing it with the mother or the court, but assuring your children, over and over, that they do not need to lie to you, and shouldn't, and that you will always listen to what they have to say and not be mad at them or anyone they want to protect. Nobody should be encouraging a child to lie to a parent (well, except for other children, and that's a whole other issue you would fight the exact same way).

                        And honestly, from what I've read around here, your ex has a lot more wiggle room about violating the interim order before she can possibly be found in contempt and have any consequences for violating it. The best thing you can do now is simply work around it and keep detailed records of every time it happens.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          As an aside, when our kidlet was 13, she did NOT have an unlimited data plan. Her phone had 5 dedicated numbers that could come in and out, with I think about 50 texts a month. Many of my friends had their children on prepaid data plans - again, limiting use.

                          As Rioe said above, I'd be more upset that it would appear the children being are being coached to lie.
                          Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            So buy your children a phone that they can use to text you and pay for it yourself..

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by FB_ View Post
                              So buy your children a phone that they can use to text you and pay for it yourself..
                              best solution

                              Comment

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