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  • #16
    Get a lawyer, you will eat him alive.

    He has no idea what is coming. You are going to get sole custody and exclusive possession and I believe he'll be paying for everything since you aren't working. Don't rush to sell the home you benefit by staying in the home with the kids as long as possible. Its all pretty dirty and unethical but it should work.
    My advice, don't listen to this type of high-conflict forum spew from the bitter, misogynist crowd.

    No one wins in a divorce, however, staying reasonable and doing things in a systematic way will help you with the steps.

    The rest of the posters have provided excellent advice, you need immediate legal representation and legal aid might not be likely given that you own a home and thus have a substantial asset. I'd definitely check into it but I wouldn't let it hold up the process. I'd be looking for a lawyer that will work with you on paying once the house is sold.

    As for the gf, ignore what you can and don't answer her phone calls, etc. However, keep records of everything in case you have a custody battle on your hands. If it escalates to anything you consider aggressive, get a restraining order.

    You need to deal with the house situation. Currently, you're in a very gray zone because you haven't even filed yet. He technically can still come into the home...even remove items...and there's not a whole lot you can do about it legally.

    Emergency motions have to meet certain criteria that I'm not sure you have...if you don't meet those criteria (ie, physical abuse, high financial hardship) you will have to file and wait for a CC to file a motion. That is not a quick process so you need to get started right away.

    You're also going to need to start letting people know what's going on because you need a support system. You'll need emotional and maybe financial help to get through the next year or start thinking about that. Nothing about getting through the process is quick or cheap. It a while to get a support order and then get it enforced but you can apply for retro CS once you get started.

    Above all, keep your kids out of the conflict. Do not discuss the divorce with them. Stay positive about their father and visits with him...and do not demean him or his new gf in their presence. Whatever he does, do not descend to his level or involve the kids. You don't need to explain anything b.s. he says to them with your version of the story. Simply tell them that its an adult issue and that you're working on it with their father. Do a lot of reading on how to handle things with the kids during this process. It will help you manage their anxiety and stress through the transition.

    Good luck!


    • #17
      The first order of business in preparation of court will be your sworn financial statement.

      Family Law Rules Forms — Ontario Court Services It will be Form 13.1

      Start accumulating as much information/validation (documents) of what you are entering onto this form (original/annual mortgage documents, title documents, life insurance documents, retirement investment documents, tax documents, current bank statements).

      Insofar as banking stuff you should be locking out any joint credit (credit cards/lines of credit) or other joint monies that are available to both.

      Print out statements of all banking/credit stuff of at least a year or since he started with the new GF (did he deplete family assets prior to separation?).

      Keep all this information in a safe place, and not in the home where he may have access to it.

      It's a lot of work, but that's the process with separation/divorce.


      • #18
        Here is another thread that I found after the fact in my case:

        or just go to "search" on this site: enter "can my ex legally enter my home"

        My house was on by name only and after he left I let him know I changed the code for the house. This was a sore spot for him forever---- He would then let me know he wanted to come over and we would make the arrangements.

        My lawyer (who I let go) said he had a right to come in any time---she was wrong wrong wrong wrong. Read the post I gave you…… there are different terminologies regarding this.

        While you are in the house--go through all the papers and financial stuff you can. If it is in his name only---Photocopy it and keep a file for yourself. My ex has assets not being claimed---and I have the documents. You may not use them directly---but when he prepares the financial you will be able to see if it is on the financial statement.

        Decide on a date of separation. Send it in an email to him and see if he agrees to the date. If yes---start going to every financial institution you have and get the documents of your assets on that date.

        I found the financial form daunting---and I am well educated. THe lawyers throw this form at you, you are in a mess, and don't know where to start.

        Lucky for you you found this site early.

        Also, if you google "exemplars" of financial statements, you will see how to fill some of the information out.


        • #19
          Excuse my lack of political correctness but since he has already moved out and left you de facto custody of the kids and you are unemployed what I have said is accurate.

          The fact you have no income means he will be paying you something like 60% of his income for yourself and the kids. Whatever your work history is.
          Depending on other factors it could be for a limited duration


          • #20
            If he ever stumbles across this site, and cares about his children, the first thing he's going to do is move back in.

            She needs an interim order for exclusive possession and child support, imputing him an income if necessary. Once she has that, they can figure out a proper separation agreement themselves, or go to court for it.


            • #21
              Also, since you still have a communicative relationship with your Ex (for now) I would suggest you ask him to not permit his GF to criticize you in front of the kids. It will just alienate the kids from him and hurt everybody in the long run.


              • #22
                I wouldn't acknowledge the woman AT ALL. People like your ex love to know when they get under your skin.

                Do what you have to do to secure the home for you and your children. The rest will fall into place.


                • #23
                  Originally posted by Rioe View Post
                  If he ever stumbles across this site, and cares about his children, the first thing he's going to do is move back in.

                  She needs an interim order for exclusive possession and child support, imputing him an income if necessary. Once she has that, they can figure out a proper separation agreement themselves, or go to court for it.
                  Just curious... can he also seek to have an income imputed to her? She worked throughout the marriage and was laid off after separation, for things like Section 7, SS and possibly off set child support, could she be faced with an imputed income as well?


                  • #24
                    Yes. Income can be imputed not just to one but to both.


                    • #25
                      When you impute an income on a self-employed person, it's because the money is there, but the person does financial juggling to conceal it, usually to reduce income tax, but also support obligations.

                      To impute a previous income on someone who lost their job seems unfair. The money isn't being hidden; it isn't there at all anymore. Where would the person be expected to get it from?

                      In some situations, it's appropriate to impute, in others it is not.


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