You HAVE to pay...

[Mother]

The other party (out of the blue) advised that the child will be attending some extracurricularactivities for which this party has already paid a half of the full price. Nothing was communicated with regards to these activities before, just this: the child will attend these lessons and you have to pay your half. Period.

Can someone please explain how this should to be done fairly and how it needs to be addressed?

Thank you

[Mess]

You would have to explain what the activity is, what the history of the child's participation in that activity is, the age of the child, the cost of the activity, and the respective incomes of the parents.

[Mother]

Thank you for the quick response, Mess. The activity in questions is some phisical activity lessons (don't really want to be more specific here). Child has never attended anything yet. The child is 3 yo. The cost of activity is $xxx.00.

Both parents have more less the same income however one of the parents is on parental leave at the moment.

Can one parent enroll a child in whatever lessons they want and just notify the other party that they have to pay $$ this much? Actually not notify but demand wouyld be the right word.

[HammerDad]

It depends. Your answer didn't really give us enough detail about the expense.

You say physical activity...well, is it doctor recommended for some medical reason? Or is it simply swimming lessons, gymnastics or dance?

The cost you only put XXX and give no salary details for the parents other than it is similar. Well, if it is $900 and they each earn $30k and it is doctor recommended, it would almost certainly be s7. But if they each earn $75k and it is $150 for swimming lessons, it wouldn't be s7.

Just because it is extra-curricular does not mean it is an extraordinary expense.

Extra-curricular activities should be cleared by both parents prior to enrollment. Failing to get consent runs the risk of the other parent saying they don't agree to the activity and will not contribute.

[Mother]

Thank you Hammer Dad for your response. I didn't give any specifics thinking that this is not very important at this moment (and may be I am wrong).

What I wanted to find out is this: can one party's unilaterally decide/enroll a child into any activity without even asking for the other party's opinion/agreement.

The cost is not that great, around $200; activity is one of what you've mentioned above. It is for pleasure (not sure who's pleasure, as child is too small to really undestand and enjoy).

Thank you muchly for clarifying this to me.

[FB_]

Thank you Hammer Dad for your response. I didn't give any specifics thinking that this is not very important at this moment (and may be I am wrong).

What I wanted to find out is this: can one party's unilaterally decide/enroll a child into any activity without even asking for the other party's opinion/agreement.

The cost is not that great, around $200; activity is one of what you've mentioned above. It is for pleasure (not sure who's pleasure, as child is too small to really undestand and enjoy).

Thank you muchly for clarifying this to me.

I would personally let your ex know that as you agree the activity is useful for your child you are willing to contribute your share of the cost. However make it VERY clear that going forward unless you are consulted on future programs you will not be paying unless you have provided your consent.

That is of course if you think it is a good idea for your child.

[HammerDad]

I would personally let your ex know that as you agree the activity is useful for your child you are willing to contribute your share of the cost. However make it VERY clear that going forward unless you are consulted on future programs you will not be paying unless you have provided your consent.

That is of course if you think it is a good idea for your child.

^^ Agreed

If your spouse feels the child will benefit from the activity and will facilitate the child's involvement, there is no reason not to agree and contribute to the costs.

However, you make it clear that you don't believe it is an extraordinary expense and that the next time they should get your consent prior to registering the child or run the risk of you refusing to participate.

[Mother]

Thank you so very much guys for your responses!

[dinkyface]

What is your current CS arrangement: Is one of you paying full table CS, or is it offset CS? If it is offset, then there is no argument for this being included in CS, and instead you would be expected to share all costs 50-50 (assuming you agree to the activity). For offset, all costs (excluding those that are specific to your own parenting time) are 50-50 - though you have to work out some practical arrangement so that you are not slavishly splitting each and every little bill.

[billm]

What is your current CS arrangement: Is one of you paying full table CS, or is it offset CS? If it is offset, then there is no argument for this being included in CS, and instead you would be expected to share all costs 50-50 (assuming you agree to the activity). For offset, all costs (excluding those that are specific to your own parenting time) are 50-50 - though you have to work out some practical arrangement so that you are not slavishly splitting each and every little bill.

Only things covered by CS should be shared 50/50 in an offset situation (such as clothing).

S7 costs should be split regardless of access etc - ie proportion to income.

Most things though are not section 7.

[dinkyface]

Yes, sorry, I was wrong there. The offset payment equalizes the funds available in each household -- but only up to the table amounts. So items covered by table amounts should be 50-50. But S7 expenses are these considered to exceed these table amounts (e.g. high-level training to develop a special talent), or are specially designated as not covered (e.g. daycare, tuition, major medical/dental) and should be proportional (as billm wrote).

[Mother]

What is your current CS arrangement: Is one of you paying full table CS, or is it offset CS? If it is offset, then there is no argument for this being included in CS, and instead you would be expected to share all costs 50-50 (assuming you agree to the activity). For offset, all costs (excluding those that are specific to your own parenting time) are 50-50 - though you have to work out some practical arrangement so that you are not slavishly splitting each and every little bill.

dinkyface, I am very sorry but I din't know what is offset CS. Googled it ant got more confused. CS is paid based on the salary accessing parent has. Sorry, cannot answer your questions clearly. Could you kindly explain?

Thanks

P.S. As I mentoined above, there was no agreement, just a demand to pay a half because the other party already enrolled a child in this activity because they want to.

Btw. Does anybody know what is the best age to enrol a child to sports/gymnastics/dancing lessons? I think at 3 yo it is too early. IMHO child of this age simply will not follow any simplest instructions for any period of time longer than 5 minutes; they often just don't want to and there is nothing a parent can do.

I can be totally wrong so any opinion would be greatly appreciated.

[Mother]

Only things covered by CS should be shared 50/50 in an offset situation (such as clothing).

S7 costs should be split regardless of access etc - ie proportion to income.

Most things though are not section 7.

What is covered by CS (not sure offset or whatever it is though)?

[MS Mom]

dinkyface, I am very sorry but I din't know what is offset CS. Googled it ant got more confused. CS is paid based on the salary accessing parent has. Sorry, cannot answer your questions clearly. Could you kindly explain?

Thanks

P.S. As I mentoined above, there was no agreement, just a demand to pay a half because the other party already enrolled a child in this activity because they want to.

Btw. Does anybody know what is the best age to enrol a child to sports/gymnastics/dancing lessons? I think at 3 yo it is too early. IMHO child of this age simply will not follow any simplest instructions for any period of time longer than 5 minutes; they often just don't want to and there is nothing a parent can do.

I can be totally wrong so any opinion would be greatly appreciated.

Three is an awesome age to start that stuff. My daughter danced at 3 - only did it for a short period, it's something I think most little girls like to try. None of at that age is serious at all....all in good fun and an evening out. Helps to wear the suckers out for bedtime too especially swimming. Luckily it isn't expensive at that age either.

Personally, I'd ask for a receipt, pay the amount needed and insist that all future activities need to be discussed first. JMHO

[Mother]

Three is an awesome age to start that stuff. My daughter danced at 3 - only did it for a short period, it's something I think most little girls like to try. None of at that age is serious at all....all in good fun and an evening out. Helps to wear the suckers out for bedtime too especially swimming. Luckily it isn't expensive at that age either.

Personally, I'd ask for a receipt, pay the amount needed and insist that all future activities need to be discussed first. JMHO

MS Mom, thanks for your post. I am not too sure about three y/olds just thought it's too early. The child is totally adorable but can be stubborn (terrible two's are not over yet I guess So often child just wouldn't do what is asked. We try to be extremely positive, always reinforcing every little succes and stuff. Reading a lot of info on the topic but need more to learn. Anyway, may be you are right. May be if a stranger (a teacher/ trainer) will ask then the child will do it. It's not the same as a parent/grandparent. I am guessing here.

Totally agree with the sweeming though. The activity in question is not sweeming however and what actually ticked the parent off is the fact that the other party just ordered to pay a half without ever consulting with this "ordered to pay a half" parent. Next time the other party will enroll the child to Harward and the "ordered" parent will need to pay...? I don't think so. (I am exagerating here but you know what I mean).