New Here, Separated

[findmydream]

Hello, I'm new to this forum. My husband wanted a separation and had also cheated on me. I moved out Aug 1 from the house that we both own and have a mortgage on. He can't afford the low mortgage payments and related costs for the house, but will not sell. He has actually been staying with a friend pretty much since I moved out because he can't afford the gas to get to and from work. We have two children that I allow him to see as often as he wants, as long as it doesn't get in the way of my plans. I declared bankruptcy in July. The house was not involved as there wasn't enough equity in it. There was a bill for heating oil that I was required to bankrupt for nearly $2000. His name is still on it, so it is still due, but he can't pay it or even pay enough to get a tank of oil to heat the house and water. I don't want the house. It is in the country and is in pretty rough shape, so the low mortgage payments are not worth the travelling and upkeep. I am currently renting in the city where I work and have the kids going to the nearest school. What can I do to make him sell it? He is unwilling to see that it is more of a burden than an asset. We lived there for six years together. He doesn't pay me any child support at this time. I'm not after money or to screw him over and I'd rather not go the court route. I can't afford anything beyond my rent, utilities, food and a bit of gas and items for the kids. He is looking for another job, better paying and more hours than he is getting now, but this has been an issue for him whenever he leaves a job, there is quite a span of time that he either isn't working or bringing in very little. I am also saddled with the childcare costs and hospital bills from when our son broke his leg in the spring (and is still recovering). Where can I get help without spending any money? We do have a FLIC here, but it is only open for 2 hours one afternoon a week, first come, first served and I have to work. I also don't get any child tax benefit or anything else right now because of a screwup (government, but I am the one to suffer the consequences) with my taxes and I have money to pay back, which is coming off of those payments until it is finished being paid back. I am in Stratford, Ontario, if that helps. Thanks in advance.

[takeontheworld]

The only route I know is the court route, if he is refusing to sell you can have a judge order the sale. If both names are on the mortgage, you alone can not have it listed.

[dinkyface]

If there is very little equity in the house, then you would get very little $ from selling - especially after real-estate fees. So you say you don't care about this $.

Get yourself taken off the mortgage so your credit rating is not affected if he defaults.
Get yourself off the title (that's easier).

Then you don't care what he does with the house - it's HIS problem, not yours.

[findmydream]

The thing is to have my name taken off of the mortgage, he would have to refinance and to do that would have to qualify for a mortgage on his own. Taking my name off the title wouldn't do anything unless I could get my name off of the mortgage. My credit rating is already R9 because of my previous financial issues and the bankruptcy (which will stay that way for 6 years), so I don't really care about that at this point, but I would rather it not default if I can help it.

[limer]

The house will go into forclosure if the mortgage is not paid. Sounds like neither of you are living / paying for the house. Get a real estate agent to list. If he refuses to sign the listing agreement, then you might have evidence for an urgent motion to sell the house with the evidence of his refusal to sign.

As for the unpaid utility bills. My ex dumped our Gas Bill on me by changing the billing address to me even though she was still in the house.

If the house goes into foreclosure you both will be liable for any overall financial losses associated with the action.

[HammerDad]

We have two children that I allow him to see as often as he wants, as long as it doesn't get in the way of my plans.

This part jumped out at me.

It is not on you to determine when he parents the children. Until there is a court order or an agreement that says otherwise, you both have defacto joint custody and are both entitled to share in the parenting of the children equally.

So it isn't a matter of whether or not his parenting fits your plans. He is entitled to parent, and you are not entitled to play gatekeeper. Should the children have an activity on his parenting time, you should advise him of such and them it will be on him to arrange for the kids to be there, should he determine that it is appropriate.

How far did you move with the kids? Did you get his consent before relocating the children?

You mention he is unemployed, yet you are not receiving c/s. C/S is based off of income. He cannot have an income of $0.00, as each parent is obligated to support the kids, if he is receiving EI, c/s will be based off of that (or, if requested via motion, an amount equal to what he is capable of making could be imputed by the courts).

[arabian]

Findmydream: sounds like your husband is going through a very difficult time. Are you paying him any money to help him get on his feet? You went bankrupt and wiped out your debts so perhaps you can help him out.

I would be inclined to do whatever you can do to help him get on his feet. Perhaps then he would be able to help with providing for his kids?

[takeontheworld]

Findmydream: sounds like your husband is going through a very difficult time. Are you paying him any money to help him get on his feet? You went bankrupt and wiped out your debts so perhaps you can help him out.

I would be inclined to do whatever you can do to help him get on his feet. Perhaps then he would be able to help with providing for his kids?

You would help a man that cheated on you???

[stripes]

Have you talked to your bank about taking your name off the mortgage? If your ex can't refinance it and qualify for a mortgage on his own, that's his problem, not yours. It sounds like there's very little equity in the house and not a lot would be realized by selling it, so it may not be a bad idea to just let your ex have it. He can sell it, default on it, whatever.

If you have the kids full-time, he *should* be paying you child support. At the very least, you should establish the expectation that he will pay child support, so that if/when his financial situation improves, he will spport his children. You aren't "screwing him over" by establishing his obligation to support his kids.

If you're looking at a divorce, you've got a lot of work ahead of you. Have you contacted Legal Aid? A short consultation could help you lay out the road map for what you need to do. If you have specific questions, the members of this forum are a great source of information.

The thing is to have my name taken off of the mortgage, he would have to refinance and to do that would have to qualify for a mortgage on his own. Taking my name off the title wouldn't do anything unless I could get my name off of the mortgage. My credit rating is already R9 because of my previous financial issues and the bankruptcy (which will stay that way for 6 years), so I don't really care about that at this point, but I would rather it not default if I can help it.

[plainNamedDad44]

Do you qualify for legal aid ? If you've already declared bankruptcy and there is no equity in the house, does it matter that the bank forecloses ? Neither you or he are living there.

He should be paying you support I think. You can bring a motion forward on an urgent basis to have this taken care of I think.

If you make too much for Legal Aid then consider JusticeNet.ca

[arabian]

I may not want to but it seems to be the logical and decent thing to do.

I HAVE helped a man who cheated on me (my ex) by promptly divorcing him.

You should look at this as the man who cheated on you is the father of your children. He may be a prick but he will always be the father of your children.

You may also be ordered by a judge to help the father of your children - spousal support.

[HammerDad]

You would help a man that cheated on you???

Not willingly I bet. However, there are many instances where people are ordered to assist the cheater.....spousal support in a no-fault jurisdictions do it all the time.

[arabian]

HD - a good lawyer would caution the client of this.

[takeontheworld]

Until I was ordered to do so, I in no shape or form would be helping someone who cheated on me. Any money I had would be used to help children, people that genuinely need it. As an adult, any man or woman is fully capable of supporting themselves. SS is the biggest waste of time since our senate. It baffles my mind.

[DowntroddenDad]

I may not want to but it seems to be the logical and decent thing to do.

I HAVE helped a man who cheated on me (my ex) by promptly divorcing him.

You should look at this as the man who cheated on you is the father of your children. He may be a prick but he will always be the father of your children.

You may also be ordered by a judge to help the father of your children - spousal support.

All the more reason to establish the Child support up front. Even if he can't afford it right now, and even if you are willing to forgive any obligations to pay it while he is not working. It would be best to impute him a minimum wage income and establish the child support at that table rate.

Cheating has no impact on child or spousal support obligations. The only thing it has an impact on (if he admits it) is doing away with the one year separation period.

My ex is mentally ill, didn't work, threw me out, and had me continue to support her until our formal separation agreement was worked out. Luckily though she resisted she eventually did agree to sell the house. Sadly I can't claim almost a year of support payments because the CRA only recognizes support paid from a court order or separation agreement, but it was still the right thing to do morally, and I'm sure my children appreciated that fact.