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  • This worked for me

    I see a lot of people in this forum that have spent a crazy amount on legal fees.

    I was dealing with a high conflict ex. We had some issue to iron out through the courts. I knew I could not afford to pay tens of thousands of dollars on legal fees.

    I self- represented myself but had a lawyer that drew up all my court documents and letters. I met with her a couple of times as well and she advised me on what she felt was the best way to deal with certain situations. I'm sure glad I did!!

    The result was that I was able to quickly come to a resolution and my ex couldn't purposefully drive up my lawyer fees because she was not "representing me", I actually never told him either.

    She had a reasonable hourly rate and I spent about 2k total and got results. I had a great experience doing it this way and I recommend it to others.

  • #2
    Originally posted by nosuchluck View Post
    I see a lot of people in this forum that have spent a crazy amount on legal fees.

    I was dealing with a high conflict ex. We had some issue to iron out through the courts. I knew I could not afford to pay tens of thousands of dollars on legal fees.

    I self- represented myself but had a lawyer that drew up all my court documents and letters. I met with her a couple of times as well and she advised me on what she felt was the best way to deal with certain situations. I'm sure glad I did!!

    The result was that I was able to quickly come to a resolution and my ex couldn't purposefully drive up my lawyer fees because she was not "representing me", I actually never told him either.

    She had a reasonable hourly rate and I spent about 2k total and got results. I had a great experience doing it this way and I recommend it to others.
    If I end up in court (still hoping to avoid it!) This is the route I'm hoping to take to avoid huge costs.

    Good to know it worked well for you!

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    • #3
      I noticed at the court house that many people are unrepresented. Success depends on being prepared, knowledgeable and how to conduct yourself in court.

      You have essentially "hired" yourself, you know the details better than anyone! Once you enter that court house leave your emotions towards your case right there at the front doors.

      If you can go sit in open court a few times. You will get a good idea about procedure and how many judges like to run their court room.

      Thankfully, I did not make it to trial.

      I had a PM conversation with another member and being realistic is key. Pick your battles and evaluate why you are putting more time into certain issues than you are moving on and being happy. High conflict ex's will push bottons and bring stuff up that is ridiculous. Stop acknowledging this. My ex did and I loved when the judge looked at him with an expression of "you're a special kind of f!@ed up".

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      • #4
        I had a PM conversation with another member and being realistic is key.
        Excellent advice and kudos to you for being able to self-represent.

        My ex did and I loved when the judge looked at him with an expression of "you're a special kind of f!@ed up".
        I think its pretty much a rule of thumb that when you're dealing with HCPs that you really don't need to do much in court to help illuminate how difficult they are...they do a very good job of sinking their own boat. My ex's nonsense has come home to roost. I got my final order today for most of our issues and I did better than what I initially asked for because he's made a fool of himself in every court action we've had.

        I definitely wasn't skilled or knowledgeable enough to do what you did and self-rep but I did find a less expensive lawyer and use her as minimally as I could to keep costs down and I recovered a good portion of them since most of the motions we had were unnecessarily caused by my ex's lack of cooperation.

        Again, excellent advice and well done. Congrats.

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        • #5
          i think this whole thread is brilliant. I am self reping and my common law ex is a hcp. in order to keep me from maintain my home she got a protection order against me. I was very flustered when this happened but i let a few days go by digesting the info, and i decided i wasn't going to lay down and die. I filed an affidavit speaking to that order and because of her distortion campaign, i was able to easily with a mountain of evidence disprove every single claim.

          We are heading to a judicial case conference where i believe "the writing will be on the wall" so to speak. the other side is now back pedaling ie suddenly claiming that we were never spouses (we were together ten yrs, come on!) and that i have never owned the house (for which i am on title as a joint tenant) and am asking 50% of, even going as far as saying that i lived "rent free" for many years (how do you rent a house you own?)

          her arguments keep changing. she keeps trying to scare me. reminding me that costs may be ordered against me, and that trial would be very costly, that by accepting their settlement offer i can release myself from a "mutual spousal support claim" and that my income would be monitored for many years (she makes three times as much as me and has for years). thing is, if she somehow tried to go for ss, she would have to change all of her pleadings, and it would cost her thousands to her lawyer.

          I am currently reading alot about hcp's in court and my ex reads like a textbook case. these threats only show me that A) she wants to try and somehow stay in my life, and B) her lawyer after reviewing the evidence i have submitted realizes that my ex would never make a good witness because everything she has said is a lie.

          the only thing i am really wondering is that my stance has never altered. i am by far the more reasonable one, asking for a 50/50 split, and she is asking to keep the whole house, everything in it, the vehicles (2), and is asking for costs. they on the other hand seem to , weekly at this point, be changing what they are asking for, making new claims, and somehow seem to be all over the map. is it a tactic to make me confused and wonder what they are really arguing? or is it that in light of all her fabricated stories, false accusations and outright lies, her lawyer doesn't really know how to argue and they are just throwing random stuff out there hoping ill scare?

          self reping is hard, but in a way im happy to be doing this on my own. as you correctly stated, i know my case better than anyone, and ive read up on alot of case law, and many articles. i know the family court rules well, the only thing im lacking is actually being in a court room which soon i may have to learn. im okay with that. when i first started out i was lost but now im realizing just how much ive learned, and im excited. i know ill never know as much as a lawyer, but im confident that i know more that alot of people who self rep thinking they can "wing it". can anyone offer thoughts on my questions above about there strategy? thanks

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