Activities during access

[stressed76]

Since my ex has not been successful with the financial issues she has decided to hit me where it hurts. She has scheduled my son in "Family Tennis" Saturday's from 11:30am to 12:30pm with her, her boyfriend and her boyfriend's son. She has also scheduled him in Archery on Sunday's from 2:00pm to 3:00pm. My schedule is difficult it is 5 days on followed by 4 days off so the access portion of my agreement is as follows:

Due to the nature of the Respondent's employment, specifically that he is a shift worker, the Applicant and the Respondent shall work out a schedule for the Respondent to have access to (child's name) based on his varying schedule. The Respondent shall provide a copy of his work schedule to the Applicant/Mother and they will come to a mutual agreement as to the Respondent's access. If the parties are unable to agree, for whatever reason, on the exact weekend access to (child's name), the Respondent/Father shall be entitled to at least two weekends per month from Friday to Sunday when he is not working.

So - do I have any grounds to stop at least the family tennis lesson? Its too far to drive him down, wait, drive back, drive back on Sunday, wait, drive back here and then drive him back to his home. Its just ridiculous and the archery is definitely available on other nights I checked. I would take him to the archery and drop him off early but this cuts 7 hours from my already limited access. If I have to do the family tennis as well its going to leave no time for me to see him which is what she's counting on. She said well then you can wait until January and see what he takes then. I know its a punishment for refusing to give in on the financial issues but do I have any legal means to stop this?

Thank you.

[Rioe]

Just pick him up as normal when it is your weekend, and return him as normal. If she wants to register him for activities he may miss many of without consulting you first, it's her problem. I wouldn't pay your proportion of any associated expense either, as it was not discussed in advance and is a waste of money due to his inability to attend every session.

[stressed76]

Thanks Rioe that's what my first inclination was - just continue on as normal. I just wasn't sure if that was something that could come back to bite me later. She forwarded me the bill for all 4 people and said since it was my son's idea I had to pay 70% of the bill for the family. I'm not even sure how she puts this stuff in writing - she has to know its insane...right??

[BitHunter]

She forwarded me the bill for all 4 people and said since it was my son's idea I had to pay 70% of the bill for the family.

This should go to the "best of this site" section

[takeontheworld]

I think some of that crazy rubbish is just to get under an ex's skin. Surely she didnt actually think you would pay...right?

[Qrious]

Anyone who knows me, knows I am 100% supportive of activities for kids. I also passionately believe that part of parenting is attending these activities with your children. This is true for BOTH parents, regardless of who thinks they "own" the child's attention at the time of the activity.

I have to say, though, that your situation is a very strange one. Very strange. She actually wants the child to attend an activity with HER on day the child is with you?! That's ludicrous. I could see if the activity is the child's and she wishes to attend as an observer, but.... Whoa.

The tennis - no flipping way. The archery - maybe. If it can't be rescheduled to another day/time when the child is not with you. If not, and the child is really interested in the activity, I say support that one in any way you can.

But "family tennis"!? She's nuts. I won't even comment on her thinking you pay any amount for HER family tennis. Thanks for the laugh.

[stressed76]

I think some of that crazy rubbish is just to get under an ex's skin. Surely she didnt actually think you would pay...right?

I would hope she's just being ridiculous I mean she's obnoxious and a pain in the ass but not stupid. She seriously forwarded me the invoice and said she could provide proof that it was my son's idea if I needed. She then said that I could send my cheque for 70% of the cost when I returned our son or I could send an email transfer if I preferred...

[stressed76]

Anyone who knows me, knows I am 100% supportive of activities for kids. I also passionately believe that part of parenting is attending these activities with your children. This is true for BOTH parents, regardless of who thinks they "own" the child's attention at the time of the activity.

I have to say, though, that your situation is a very strange one. Very strange. She actually wants the child to attend an activity with HER on day the child is with you?! That's ludicrous. I could see if the activity is the child's and she wishes to attend as an observer, but.... Whoa.

The tennis - no flipping way. The archery - maybe. If it can't be rescheduled to another day/time when the child is not with you. If not, and the child is really interested in the activity, I say support that one in any way you can.

But "family tennis"!? She's nuts. I won't even comment on her thinking you pay any amount for HER family tennis. Thanks for the laugh.

Oh she was very generous though Qrious she said I could play with our son, her boyfriend and her boyfriend's son on my weekends if I preferred LMAO. The archery I'm fine with because I know he wants to take it so even though its offered other nights and its cutting into my time I am fine with taking him to that. The family tennis though is just freaking insane.

[BitHunter]

How about this: I have a small and light, (women/child) Browning compound hunting bow. I will sell it to you, and you can send the invoice to your ex. Hm? If you are interested I'll check out the draw length/weight.

[standing on the sidelines]

Thanks Rioe that's what my first inclination was - just continue on as normal. I just wasn't sure if that was something that could come back to bite me later. She forwarded me the bill for all 4 people and said since it was my son's idea I had to pay 70% of the bill for the family. I'm not even sure how she puts this stuff in writing - she has to know its insane...right??

lol that is way to funny! Everytime I think I have heard it all, along comes posts like this that takes it to a whole different level.

I agree with other posters, keep things normal with pickups and drop offs. If the tennis is something that your child wants to do, are there any public courts or things that you and him can join to play together? LOL then send the ex an email asking for the 30% she owes for both of you because he wants to play and he needed someone to play against?? Makes about as much sense as what she is asking for in regards to payment.

[Tayken]

OP: Follow the advice given in the first response from Rioe as it is bang-on correct. Just to expand on what Rioe is talking about it is the concept of parental autonomy. Basically put, what happens on your access time is your responsibility generally.

lol that is way to funny! Everytime I think I have heard it all, along comes posts like this that takes it to a whole different level.

I am waiting for CashCow4Ex to show up shortly on this thread. This one is good but, CC4Ex's being told that "doggie poop and scoop" services were a Special and Extraordinary (S.7) expense that he had to pay for is still the chart topper for me.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[HammerDad]

I would reply to the ex advising her that prior to registering the child in any activities that would affect your parenting time, that she should seek your consent to such activity prior to registrations. That, while you support the child being active, you are not obligated to interrupt your parenting time for any such activity and that you don't believe you have an obligation to pay for activities you did not consent to.

Agree that you will arrange for the child to attend archery, as it is an activity the two of you can do together. But that the child will not be attending the family archery during your parenting time. That she knows the parenting time schedule and if she wishes for the children to participate in her families activities, that she should arrange for them to be on her parenting time.

Advise her that you will pay for your proportional share of archery, however, as you don't get the benefit of participating in the tennis as it is an activity solely for the benefit of her family, and that she did not obtain your prior consent to such activity, you will not be contributing to its costs.



Man, just when you think you've saw it all......

[Janibel]

This one is good but, CC4Ex's being told that "doggie poop and scoop" services were a Special and Extraordinary (S.7) expense that he had to pay for is still the chart topper for me.

Good Luck!
Tayken[/QUOTE]

Dear God, I'm ready to die now ....(flabbergasted!) to think that some of us appreciate any CC or SP without Special and Extraordinary expenses, this blows me away. My sympathy to OP.

[stripes]

We need a thread for bizarrely extraordinary expenses.

I have a friend whose ex tried to claim the costs of repairing a year-old tear in a screen door inflicted by their cat. She argued that because he wanted to take the cat when they divided the pets, he was retroactively responsible for any "extraordinary" damage the cat had done in the house (which she kept). She theeatened to hold the cat hostage.

My ex tried to argue last year that a vampire costume was S7 ...

I agree though, that the doggie poop and scoop takes the cake, if you'll forgive the disgusting mental image that conjures up.

[me_vs_HCF]

I've had some duzies brought up as section 7s

A soccer ball
3 times a week school lunch (total 12$ a week)
winter jacket
bike helmet..

Oh I pay ~$1,000 a month CS, 1 child.

lol I told her to look up section 7 on the net, and try again.

As a side note, I'll be buying him school lunches, this fall, since mama ain't going to do it, and ultimately he shouldn't be punished for her financial mismanagement.