Update & More questions

[Exquizique]

Again assuming facts not in evidence.

Bringing a new partner into your life is an extremely stressful time for all involved. The first time I did, my kids outright refused to see me or communicate for a about a month. Wether or not the ex made the situation worse, I can only guess. She did tell the kids that I had been having an affair with this woman during the marriage, which was a flat out lie, but a lie she managed to convince them of, based on the fact that we were Facebook friends for a few years.

Unless you can get inside everyone's head, you can't really know what happened. It could be the new wife's fault, your ex's fault, your daughter's fault or....some combination of the above.

Agree with DowntroddenDad. It is way too easy (and convenient sometimes) to vilify a third party, especially when they are the ex's new partner.

[DowntroddenDad]

Maybe the more correct phrse woud be "catalyst" to the breakdown in the relationship. Things went to the crapper for my daughter when she arrived.

Again assuming facts not in evidence.

Bringing a new partner into your life is an extremely stressful time for all involved. The first time I did, my kids outright refused to see me or communicate for a about a month. Wether or not the ex made the situation worse, I can only guess. She did tell the kids that I had been having an affair with this woman during the marriage, which was a flat out lie, but a lie she managed to convince them of, based on the fact that we were Facebook friends for a few years.

Unless you can get inside everyone's head, you can't really know what happened. It could be the new wife's fault, your ex's fault, your daughter's fault or....some combination of the above.

[FB_]

So here is what you could do.

Send him an update to to your agreement "offer to settle"

Update the agreement to say that you don't need his signature to obtain a passport. You don't require his signature to travel. Put in that you will notify him of the application and notify him of all travel plans within a certain time and will provide him with an itinerary.

Also update the agreement to say that he will be consulted for all major medical decisions but should he not be available you have the power to have final say.

Ask him to sign it and file it with the courts on consent.

If he refuses then you can file a motion asking for the same thing (or more) with costs.

[MS Mom]

Not seeing his kid is his own fault. There is no new partner that can force you not to see your kids if you're truly motivated to do so.

Obviously, we don't have all the details here...but I always wonder about the kind of person that gets involved with a man or woman that doesn't have regular visitation and/or pay support for their kid.

Maybe the more correct phrse woud be "catalyst" to the breakdown in the relationship. Things went to the crapper for my daughter when she arrived.

[Pursuinghappiness]

The wife is the reason for the breakdown in his relationship with his daughter.

Not seeing his kid is his own fault. There is no new partner that can force you not to see your kids if you're truly motivated to do so.

Obviously, we don't have all the details here...but I always wonder about the kind of person that gets involved with a man or woman that doesn't have regular visitation and/or pay support for their kid.

[MS Mom]

Extremely well said.

Definitely, on the money.

[MS Mom]

You seem to be making this a lot about his new wife... almost all your posts mention her... the reasons he is moving- irrelevant, the reason he is keeping the cat- irrelevant. Everything about her is irrelevant.

You may need to wait until the move actually happens. Right now it has not happened and you are playing on what if's... who knows...once he is gone, will he even bother? If something comes up that is not a medically emergency and requires his consent, you send an email stating what needs to be done and you require an answer by a certain time frame. If he denies consent without valid reasons, than you would have an easy time changing custody, but just because he is far away, doesn't mean he shouldn't get a say. Same goes with travel, you ask permission, if he doesn't provide consent, you can seek an order.

It's not irrelevant at all. The wife is the reason for the breakdown in his relationship with his daughter.

Wife into picture - child out of picture.

Wife can't settle in Canada - father leaves Canada.

And, of course, considering how reasonable he has been, he'll let me know the minute he's gone, provide forwarding phone numbers and addresses. He'll advise FRO his new workplace and he'll let me know his new salary. Of course he will.

And, pink fairies are waking me up tomorrow with coffee - can't wait. LOL

[Pursuinghappiness]

Sadly in many separations/divorces loyalty shifts dramatically to the family who's bed their boots/slippers now rest under.

Sure some people try to come off that they really care about the kids but their actions sometimes belie their true motives.

Just my take on things...

Extremely well said.

[arabian]

Sadly in many separations/divorces loyalty shifts dramatically to the family who's bed their boots/slippers now rest under.

Sure some people try to come off that they really care about the kids but their actions sometimes belie their true motives.

Just my take on things...

[DowntroddenDad]

That's my struggle on this DD.....the why??? He's picking up and leaving his daughter and he wants to get all picky picky over a cat. I'm still flabbergasted that he's so willing to just up and go without even seeing his dautghter in 1.5 years, but, the cat.....nooooo, can't leave the cat behind. Somehow, it just might make the dad leaving thing a little easier for my daughter to take. But, as usual, he doesn't really care much about that.

Unless you are psychic, you don't know what is going on in his head.

You are divorced. I know it hurts your daughter, but you can only do your best.You can't control his behaviour.

You seemed quite fine with leaving the cat with him before, let it go.

[Berner_Faith]

You seem to be making this a lot about his new wife... almost all your posts mention her... the reasons he is moving- irrelevant, the reason he is keeping the cat- irrelevant. Everything about her is irrelevant.

You may need to wait until the move actually happens. Right now it has not happened and you are playing on what if's... who knows...once he is gone, will he even bother? If something comes up that is not a medically emergency and requires his consent, you send an email stating what needs to be done and you require an answer by a certain time frame. If he denies consent without valid reasons, than you would have an easy time changing custody, but just because he is far away, doesn't mean he shouldn't get a say. Same goes with travel, you ask permission, if he doesn't provide consent, you can seek an order.

[MS Mom]

Meow. Joint custody/access for kitty perhaps?

Sure. And, he'll pay the flight from Texas to Canada, right? LOL

[MS Mom]

The only thing that has an impact on his ability to see his child is himself....and maybe his wife. He's 15 mins away by car now, doesn't care to see her. He defintely won't care when he's a 3 hour plane ride (and a significant amount of flight money for him to shell out) away.

He isn't being forced to move, he is choosing to do so because it pleases his wife (they're coincidentally moving to her hometown). Oh, and the Canadian government won't allow her immigration for some reason or another. Maybe the felon relatives, dunno??

[HappyMomma]

PH is right - rescue another cat. End of story.

Shitty people do shitty things sometimes. It sucks. The rest of us have to just 'suck it up'.

[arabian]

Hire a good, REALLY good lawyer. I mean like a $1,000 an hour lawyer, and sue your ex's ass off for the cat.

Meow. Joint custody/access for kitty perhaps?