X cancelled school bus on me

[lets_be_fair]

My x and I made out an agreement last year via email to have the bus come to my house on my days and to her house on her days. For the year of 2012 of school this has worked.
She is now being so unreasonable and has gone ahead and cancelled my bussing to my house for the children come sept 2013. She is expecting me to drive to her house now every day in the am and pm that I have the children to pick up and drop off. The school is 30 mins from my home and 8 mins from her home.
This will affect my ability to get the kids to school as well as my access with them.
Can an agreement through email stand with a motion in court? She is not willing to discuss and only says "I have last say with everything according to our agreement so this is how it will be".
Any ideas?

[SadAndTired]

I don't understand why she says she has done this? Obviously it is just to be difficult but what is her reasoning?

[lets_be_fair]

Her "reason" is that the girls find it confusing being on two buses. However, they have made it work fine for 9 months with no problem. Many children have two different busing schedules for daycare or parents.
The real reason is her schedule for work has changed and she cannot accommodate the busing as easily which should have nothing to do with my access. She does not want me having even one more hour with the girls. The way the busing is, it helped her out if she could not be home for the girls after school as the girls would come here even on some of her access days. But now she is wanting them in daycare instead afterward.
This all started when I asked for a 50/50 rotation....

[Links17]

You dont ASK for 50/50 - If its happening - you document it and and then when its firmly established you get CS modified. 50/50 is all good but once somebody loses free money its a whole new ballgame....

[Mess]

Do you have joint legal custody, or does she have sole custody? This is regardless to how much time the kids are with each of you.

If it is joint, she cannot unilaterally change anything with the school. You should be making an appointment with the principal - who, as I remember, must sign off on busing? Otherwise the appropriate person - and bring in your legal agreement. You explain in an unemtional way that the ex acted without your agreement, possibly due to some other onging conflicts. You state that you require the bussing and that it should be reinstated.

You MUST be involved, and you must make your own appointments to deal with this. No offence, but this is the first thing you should think of, not going to the courts, and not going to an internet message board.

My apologies if you have already tried to deal with the school, but you didn't say that, and we can't give you advice without a complete picture.

If you are passive and let the other parent have all the contact with the school, they school will take for granted that they have authority. Stay involved, make sure the school knows who you are, even when things are going smoothly.

[lets_be_fair]

I did attempt to speak with the school in June 2013 but they reiterated that "in the event of an impasse, the mother has last word" regarding education, dental, ect as stated in our parenting agreement.

I had sought arbitration in May 2013 to attempt a 50/50 to make life and bussing much easier and have my children more but the mediator says the children are too young still (7 and 10) which I didn't agree but mediator has last word.

Mediator also liked the fact we agreed to our own daycare and bussing over the past year and so found no reason to change anything regarding access as the current access was working.

4 days after his ruling the X cancelled my bus and is forcing me to drop off at her home or neighbours (daycare) every day before school and pick up from her home or daycare everyday after school. Otherwise I have had my commonlaw to provide child care for my children before and after school for the past 4 yrs.

The X lives 22 kms away which is the OTHER direction I need to travel to get to work. This is a great inconvenience to me as well as too much interaction with the X. Much more pick up and drop offs for the children between homes.

Now it is Sept 2013 and the X has her own bus and cancelled mine. I have asked that the girls remain on her bus, driving past her house and into town on my days of access so I can at least have them closer to home for pick up and drop offs. The oldest and then youngest child did this for 5 yrs when they were using the town daycare that the wife had them in. She is refusing to let them do this now because she is stating they do not want to be on a bus any longer than the 8 minute trip to her house.

I am frustrated. Mediation did not work because she was not honest with mediator. Now she will not agree to at least a closer drop off and pick up, which the children did for years before she changed her daycare.

What sort of motion can I start to have this looked at? I cannot afford a lawyer anymore (we have all been there). Even mediation was 100% my cost because she claimed she made no money because she had quit her job and went back to school. She was working at the time of mediation but denied that she was.

[NBDad]

I did attempt to speak with the school in June 2013 but they reiterated that "in the event of an impasse, the mother has last word" regarding education, dental, ect as stated in our parenting agreement.

The school's interpretation of this clause is incorrect. You need to go back to the principal, and if necessary over his head to the district.

That clause allots for things like the child failing a grade, or being placed into french immersion. On YOUR access days it does not allot for her to decide things such as bus schedules.

If necessary, you need to get a lawyer to draft an angry attorney letter to the school and to your ex. Pay the minimal fee to have this done.

[Pursuinghappiness]

The school's interpretation of this clause is incorrect. You need to go back to the principal, and if necessary over his head to the district.

It depends on how his agreement is written. Mine is written that I have final say over major custody decisions...ie, health, religion, school.

I can't remember verbatim the next line in my agreement but it says something like that in the event of an ongoing dispute over a non-major custody decision...ie, minor decision....that it then becomes a major decision which follows the same rules as above...ie, I have authority to make the decision. We have nothing in our agreement which specifies that we have to attend mediation for anything. Technically, I came out with better than sole custody because sole only covers major decisions.

Apparently, these types of agreements are becoming more common...so he'll have to check the wording. If the OP has that type of wording, his ex can make bussing decisions with the school.

Its a good lesson for anyone signing up for these types of agreements. It only works with certain types of ex's. If you have one that is power hungry or doesn't have the best interest of the child at heart...never sign an agreement like this.

I always try to respect my ex's parental input and would never make any changes to make his relationship with his kid more difficult. He's pretty good at screwing his relationship with her up on his own...doesn't need my help. In fact, everything is pretty much the same today as the day we separated and I help him out constantly with schedule changes although its specified in our agreement that there is no makeup time, etc. My situation is rare though...most ex's are vindictive or self-serving so be cautious and don't sign your parental rights away.

[lets_be_fair]

Parenting Responsibilites:
We agree to share with eachother, all information of importance relating to the children and to involve each other in any significant decisions related to the children’s education, medical care, dental care and mental health and religion. In the event of an impasse, this meaning that the parents have attempted to arrive at a joint decision but fail in this attempt then the final decision will be made by the mother. Both parents agree that they will share with one another the necessary information and engage in dialogue about the issue prior to any decision being made (except in the case of an emergency that requires an immediate decision).

Dispute resolution:
We agree that if significant disagreements arise with respect to this agreement, that they will again enter mediation with a professional mediator before pursuing legal action.

With the above being stated in our agreement, the arbitrator stated in his report in April that he was happy we both had our own daycare and bussing and it was working so there was no reason to change anything. Yet, 4 days after his ruling my X cancelled my bus AND this also affects my daycare because I cannot get the children to the daycare/homecare (common law).
Just today, the X called to tell me she would be home after school to collect the girls from the bus and to drop them off in the morning to her house and she will put them on the bus (this is all during my own access). She is interfering in my life more and more. I had my common law pick up the children from school and will drop them off in the a.m. as well (45 km away) and will continue to do so until there is resolution here.
There is far too many interactions going on between us now and the children will begin to find this confusing.
What do you perceive from my agreement above? Do I have a fighting chance?

[Mess]

You can do nothing and you are losing your access, you are enabling and encouraging your ex to work against you, and you will over time further erode your contact with your children, since your ex has learned that her tactics work.

You can file a motion immediately and explain what you have written here. I can't imagine that any judge would be anything but shocked at your ex's tactics. If there are other examples, you could certainly make a strong case for legal custody to be transferred to you.

If this is the only instance, the loss of the school bus is a serious issue that should be addressed.

Your ex will no doubt be slammed at the case conference and shamed into relenting; however, you need clarification of your rights with the school board written into your order, so you would either leave the conference with a consent order signed, or you would continue with your motion.

A motion doesn't have to be expensive. You can begin most of the paperwork yourself. You would send your ex a formal offer to settle, which would include restoring the bus and also amending the agreement/order to include non-interference with your access time, and full joint custody with any disagreement now resulting in forced arbitration (if that is to your likeing.) The clause that gives her final say will be struck out.

You make a similar application for changes in your motion. In your affidavit you attach, you will give the details that you have written here in support of your application.

You should act fast. Doing nothing will indicate you do not have a problem with the incident.

[stripes]

So it's your common-law partner who was looking after them on days when your ex had to work a different schedule, before your ex cancelled the bus? Could that be the root issue?

To be sure, your ex is being difficult, but she might be getting lathered up because she's seeing another woman stepping into the "mom" role. It sounds like cancelling the bus would mean your kids have less contact with your common-law partner and more contact with their mom. Is it possible to address this? I know that for myself, even though I am incredibly reasonable, thoughtful, child-centred and diplomatic (of course! :>), when I see my ex's new partner doing parental things with D8, some little part of me hates it. (I don't act on this because I don't want to be a jerk, and because it's good for D8 to have a positive relationship with her new stepmother, whatever I may think of it).

Going to court over this sounds like overkill. Working through the school is your best bet. If someone told you "the mother has the final say", you need to talk to whoever is over that person in the chain of command, as that is simply not true.

[Mess]

^ The school has already refused to deal with him, quoting the separation agreement that gives the ex final say.

They would not do this unless the ex had already gone to them waving the agreement and insisting they go with her final decision.

His issue is therefore not with the school, it is with the ex. He cannot solve things with the school unless the school changes their interpretation of the clause in the legal agreement, which is hardly likely unless he escalates this to the board level and threatens legal action against them. Doing this would not address the root cause of the problem with ex, or prevent her doing similar things in the future, with medical or dental issues, sports, etc.

He needs to adjust the agreement to assert his custody, which is supposed to be joint. It shouldn't be "joint, with final decision to the ex" if the ex is acting in a hostile manner and taking irrational steps against him.

It is completely common for children to be in the care of a new partner, step parent, etc., and especially if only for a few hours. Yes it is common for a parent to feel uncomfortable if the ex's partner is caring for the children, but who is responsible for being an adult and dealing with this?

[lets_be_fair]

With our first agreement we had "shared custody" but through mediation another parenting agreement was established ... it now is a parenting agreement that states at the beginning.."We _XXXXX__ and __XXXXX_ through the process of mediation have reached an agreement regarding the parenting of our children _XX_ born on __X__ and _XX__ born on__X__. The terms of this agreement are as follows:" (The terms are general considerations for the children and each parent)

There is no actual custody specified in the mediation ruling.

I appreciate everything that you are all sharing. I will be getting the motion started this week. I have many items to be addressed that have built up that I have not even mentioned on here. I am not sure if I should bundle them all up on here as the bussing is just one issue that she has changed and taken away.

There have been much more over the past year. Unilaterally changing the pick up time otherwise specified in our agreement which delayed my ability to get the girls at my regular time during the summer that I have had over the past 3 years. She held them back.

Also denying me my vacation even tho I submitted it well ahead of time. Once she submitted her vacation 1 month after the deadline, she said I could then have my vacation ONLY if I agreed to hers. This took away my seeing my child for her birthday as well as the entire first week of school.

My question would be,, should I pick and choose my battles? Would too much be too much even tho it IS TOO MUCH? MESS: would you be willing to hear some of the issues and let me know what battles would be admissible? The entire parenting agreement has holes all in it.

[Mess]

If you have multiple issues, it will not be heard at motion and you will need to be heard at trial.

If possible, try to categorize each incident under one issue, and then go to motion with one issue that has the factual support of multiple incidents.

It sounds like your main issue is legal custody/decision making, and that you have multiple incidents that provide factual basis for your claim.

[standing on the sidelines]

if the commonlaw partner was looking after the kids before and after school (doesnt she work?) then why cant they do the pick ups and drop offs for you? Instead of taking them to the exs do it directly at the school.