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**DowntroddenDad** · 04-18-2013, 10:03 AM

Clearly her lawyer has no self respect or scruples.

Harassment in a legal sense, not even close. If your emails are action oriented, specific, non threatening, and civil, then there is no issue of harassment. Do yourself a favour and look up the legal definition, then write the laywer back, copy the ex, and tell them that you were simply trying to resolve some financial issues between two parties. Keep it brief. Don't be accusatory. But ask for a response on the original issue, or ask them to suggest an alternative.

Threatening to charge you with harassment is a tactic meant to unsettle you emotionally. Let them know it doesn't work.

**Mess** · 04-18-2013, 10:06 AM

Can't advise you unless the you disclose the section of the separation agreement that restricts communication. Otherwise there is no way to know if any alternatives would be acceptable, or if there is any wiggle room. As well, why was such a restriction put in place to begin with? If the ex has cause, due to excessive and/or aggressive contact, then you may have little recourse.

**DowntroddenDad** · 04-18-2013, 11:07 AM

There are limits in law as to what can be contracted for, and a separation agreement is a contract. Just because two people sign a document that defines harassment in one way does not mean that it is enforecable, if that definition doesn't line up with the accepted legal standards for harassment. If the ex tries to show cause and there hasn't been excessive or agreesive contact, then there is no remedy.

Though personally, I would have no issue sending everything to the ex's lawyer in any event. In fact I did that and copied the ex when negotiating back and forth on the separation agreement.

**Berner_Faith** · 04-18-2013, 12:22 PM

Just because she wants to communicate through lawyers does not mean you have to. You can email her lawyer and instruct her lawyer that all communication is to come to you, not your lawyer.

My partner did this with his ex's lawyer...and then anything that was not important he dealt with himself or ignored and anything he needed help with he forwarded on to his lawyer. There is no reason you can't say you are self-rep

**davidm** · 04-18-2013, 03:28 PM

Originally posted by Mess View Post

Can't advise you unless the you disclose the section of the separation agreement that restricts communication. Otherwise there is no way to know if any alternatives would be acceptable, or if there is any wiggle room. As well, why was such a restriction put in place to begin with? If the ex has cause, due to excessive and/or aggressive contact, then you may have little recourse.

There is nothing in the separation regarding contact. There is no reason for such a restriction other then my ex is very angry and "wants nothing to do with me". I only communicate thru emails and occasionally text if time sensitive.
This all started when I started dating and now have a GF.

I have no problem emailing her lawyer in fact I prefer it, but her lawyer said she will not respond to me....only to my lawyer requests. My ex has said her goal is for me to have big lawyer bills so perhaps this is her way as her lawyer is her friend = no fees for her.

On another note she owes me $500 in unpaid section 7 expenses. Her lawyer or her will not respond to my request for payment. I think they are trying to bait me into subtracting it from SS, but I know not to.....is there any other way I can receive payment?

Thanks

**DowntroddenDad** · 04-18-2013, 03:54 PM

Originally posted by davidm View Post

There is nothing in the separation regarding contact. There is no reason for such a restriction other then my ex is very angry and "wants nothing to do with me". I only communicate thru emails and occasionally text if time sensitive.
This all started when I started dating and now have a GF.

I have no problem emailing her lawyer in fact I prefer it, but her lawyer said she will not respond to me....only to my lawyer requests. My ex has said her goal is for me to have big lawyer bills so perhaps this is her way as her lawyer is her friend = no fees for her.

As others suggested, write an email to her lawyer and copy her that you are currently self respresenting.

You can at any time engage a lawyer to answer questions, and to conduct a final review of your agreement. What that essentially means is that you are self representing, unless you chose to change that at some point.

That is what I did. My lawyer did rewrite one section of our agreement, but otherwise, I did all the negotiating.

**arabian** · 04-18-2013, 10:20 PM

Do you see the words "without prejudice" on the letter you received from her lawyer?

Could be strategically significant for you down the road.

**wretchedotis** · 04-18-2013, 11:47 PM

Originally posted by davidm View Post

This all started when I started dating and now have a GF.

The answer to your question lies within the above sentence.

I suspect you will have to bear with this kind of nonsense for a little bit.

Just take the time to write business letters to her lawyer for all the information you need. Tax stuff and the like are not really time sensitive subjects to discuss if you plan ahead.

Who knows? Maybe your impression of free lawyer isn't quite correct. Fire off ten letters on one specific minutia of a detail each. A writtten response may very well cost her $50 a pop. Indicate you will not accept a 'lump-sum' answer in only one written response - but that each individual topic must be addressed in an individual letter from her lawyer.

Have fun with it. 'Cuz otherwise you`ll just end up hating her and calling her names. Or something.

**arabian** · 04-18-2013, 11:58 PM

Word of caution. My ex was self-represented for a while and had a great time running up my lawyer's bill. We are currently in the process of going after him for ALL legal costs.

Always look at the "worst case scenario" before you proceed. While it might be fun to torment her and her lawyer at this stage, be aware that your ex's "free" lawyer can produce a very large bill in the future and go after you for costs if you are unsuccessful in any legal action.

**wretchedotis** · 04-19-2013, 12:00 AM

He`s been directed that he may only communicate via her lawyer.

I doubt those costs would be awarded.

OK. Maybe get it in writing that such is her desire first. LOL!

It`s not like he`s likely to get even one response. At least from personal experience. Almost every single letter I ever sent was completely ignored, and they were relevant, certainly not gratuitous.

**arabian** · 04-19-2013, 12:15 AM

Be careful what you write. My ex wrote a letter directly to my lawyer last summer, despite the fact he had a lawyer at the time, and it is one of the key exhibits in our upcoming litigation. Unsolicited email correspondence to me is also included as exhibits and strongly supportive of my position.

**wretchedotis** · 04-19-2013, 02:50 AM

So you will not communicate on substantive issues in any way shape or form?

Interesting.

**arabian** · 04-19-2013, 10:35 AM

Before I was divorced we tried 4-way meetings and written communication. I quickly came to realize that my ex would not adhere to anything he agreed to and his lawyers couldn't control him. It was a waste of time and money. As my ex takes me to court a few times a year we simply let judges rule on everything. After reading all the posts on this forum, and considering the costs of having lawyers write letters back and forth, I have come to the conclusion that it is less expensive to simply go before a justice. My lawyer rarely responds to opposing counsel unless it is to set court times/adjournments or to serve documents.

My situation is the extreme and I only comment on this thread to offer a cautionary word to anyone thinking about ramping up someone's legal bill without due caution. My ex's g/f has been having a ball handling my ex's legal issues for the past 3 yrs. That fun is going to soon turn into a pity party.

**littleman** · 04-19-2013, 01:29 PM

her lawyer is on border line of conflict of interest. If the judge was to know or the lawyers boss was to know this was pro bono that could pose an issue. I was self represented and I communicated with exes lawyer. That being said every communication I had with the lawyer was short & sweet. Not too much info and not too little. Always kept them professional and calm. If you ignore the emails however that is also not good. If you have nothing to reply and want to keep it to a minimum then I would just reply that it was received but nothing else.

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