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Screw them

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  • #1
    Don't pick up the phone when you see she's calling. If it's important, she'll leave a message. And if it's not important, she'll likely leave a message too, which may be useful to document.


    • #2
      And just to clarify... If she did actually threaten you with harm or such, you report that to police. But I suspect she's threatening you about court...You have to ignore that.


      • #3

        The only one LOSING this battle is your daughter. And no one ever wins. That win/lose mentality is going to sink you.


        • #4
          you say bad things about her family also.

          You have been told time and time again DO NOT TALK TO HER. You need to get that thru your thick skull. She is not making you ride the crazy train, you seem to get on all by yourself.


          • #5
            Stop communicating with her this way.

            I haven't had a face to face or phone discussion with my ex since the separation date. Not a single conversation in the 11 months of divorce negotiations. Now divorced for almost 2 years, still no discussion.

            We still exchange the occasional outburst through e-mail but those are months apart and pretty easy to handle.


            • #6
              Dude, just don't pick up the phone. Let her leave a freaking message and if it is important AND child related, you can send an email reply.

              If it is simply her ranting and raving, move it to the stupid box and move along.

              Why do you engage with her anyway? You know it isn't going to end well. All you are doing is allowing her to get your anxiety up, which I bet is her plan. Knowing your issues, she is likely pushing you in the hopes you do something stupid or otherwise crack. And if she isn't doing that on purpose, she is sure as hell doing it subconciously.

              Don't pick up the phone when she freaking calls. Instruct your family to do the same. If they see her number or an "unknown number" come up, everyone needs to let it go to voicemail.

              But some engaging with her. It is unlikely that you are a complete saint during these "discussions" as well, so I can't see any good that can come of it.

              What is likely to happen if you keep allowing yourself to get dragged in is you will crack and do something stupid. And that isn't in your kids best interests. Ignore the ex and allow her to do something stupid.


              • #7
                This is a battle that you cannot win. All the energy and emotion that this stirs up should be directed to your daughter in a positive manner. Instead, you are getting caught up in the pettiness of an ex. If you fight back, it will only escalate. The only way to "win" is to not engage and show her that what she says has no meaning for you or impact on you. Your reaction is exactly what she wants, so don't give it to her.


                • #8
                  It's dissapointing, that your mediator would say that, about the texts vs email. I guess if he brings that up again, you can simply put forth the points of why email is preferred, to help avoid conflict, and you think that would be in everyone's interests, and communication can easily be misunderstood in short, text messages.

                  Your ex, is high conflict, and is using every "trick" to try and harass you. You can easily let her know about your child's status, via email. But she wants an immediate response (via text), to know, that she is getting to you, or is in "control". They will usually do this... "I will throw in some random question about the child in my hostile communication, so I can claim, I was contacting parent about the child." I get a lot of those.

                  Refuse to participate.

                  If your ex can do "Facebook" on her cell phone, then she can easily make use of email. There is free access to email, at libraries, community centres, etc, if she wants to claim she has no "access" to it.

                  If your ex sends you "stupid" messages about family members "spitting on your child", ignore them. They are "stupid". You don't even have to acknowledge them. You will look like the mature, parent in that manner.

                  Frankly, if your ex sends you messages saying things like that, she sounds like she has mental problems. (but I'm no expert).

                  You really need to ignore the BS.

                  I get messages like this all the time...

                  "I will take you to court, and you will never see your daughter again... You're f'ed, and you're a horrible parent.
                  You are jealous of my bf, and you're pathetic.
                  I haven't heard yet when you are picking up child! Why won't you answer your messages?!? Keep playing games!"

                  Stupid stuff, like that.

                  In that case, my response is simply:
                  "As I stated in my email to you previously, I will be there at x:xxpm."

                  Ignore the crazy.


                  • #9
                    Originally posted by iceberg View Post
                    The mediator said to me "what is difference between email and text, sms is faster and more convinient".
                    You don't need a mediator or a court order. What you need to do is decide not to answer the text or the phone call. She will get bored and give up if you don't respond.

                    If you feel you absolutely have to bring it up in mediation, then tell the mediator what you have read here a thousand times: email is a clear record of where the source was, and what time, and it is admissible in court. You are not willing to receive any more irrational or abusive messages, and if she insists on sending them, she may do so in a format that you can show a judge. You tell the mediator that this why, in your opinion, she prefers not to use email, so that she can be abusive and then later deny it. You explain to the mediator that you are no longer willing to play this game. You explain that this isn't a request, it isn't an option, it is an explanation for why she will no longer receive any response from a text or phone message, and she should not feel that any phone or text message has been received, heard, or read. If she complains in the future, you will deny having received any such message. They are deleted before they are heard or read.

                    Buddy, if you aren't willing to assert yourself like that, then take responsibility for being on the receiving end.


                    • #10
                      What about setting up a once a day email to her to give an update on your daughter, specifically her health. That way you are putting your best foot forward, and being very child orientated while being proactive as to your daughters mother needing day to day updates because of the stuff that your daughter is/has gone through.
                      Then its not her asking you a question and throwing in a bunch of commentary. Its you sending a quick detailed message and then you do not have to respond to her response unless she asks a specific question related to your daughters well being, and just ignore the rest. Do not worry if she does not do the same, you are making yourself look better and not worrying about how she makes herself look.


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