? RE Motion to change exchange day

[Teddie]

Good Morning,

I am in the process of preparing a motion to change the day that my ex wife and I exchange the children. We have a week on/week off schedule with a Sunday 4pm exchange. This time was not decided by us rather it was handed down to us by the judge from a motion my ex filed against me for sole custody and supervised access. My ex lost the motion and for whatever reason the judge ordered a Sunday exchange.

My ex will not agree to a change as she thinks it is my current partners idea. My reasons for the switch will be as follows:

- my ex wife regularly berates me in front of the children and often makes inappropriate comments at the exchange. I have had to take the approach of remaining silent at the exchanges but that has not stopped her conduct. I feel really bad for my kids having to see it.
- my ex has not been allowed to pick up the children from my home for over a year. On several occassions she caused a scene in front of my home. She has made scenes when neighbours were closeby so that they could hear. On several occassions my ex would photograph the outside of my home before she left with the children. Due to this behaviour and a long history of false accusations, she picks up the kids in a grocery store parking lot.
- A Friday exchange better facilitates most long weekends, as well as giving the kids a full weekend with each parent.
- The children do not like having to leave either home in the middle of the day on Sunday. "Ok kids, stop what you're doing, time to leave".
- Weekend travel currently needs the approval of the other parent or the kids need to be returned at 4pm on Sunday. On several occassions our weekend trips have had to be cancelled or cut short as my ex, even with sufficient notice, would not agree to take the kids later than Sunday at 4.
- A Friday exchange will limit the face to face contact between the parents as it is currently not possible to have an exchange without my ex acting inappropriately.

Obviously I would word it better for a motion but these are some of the main points. My ex has not provided one single reason as to why this is a bad idea. I behave well at the exchanges and keep my mouth shut but its still hard on the kids to hear their Mom giving shit to their father. There is a noticeable tension in the kids prior to these exchanges.

Any thoughts on some additional points that may help my cause. I really hope a judge will side with me on this. It's bad enough that I have to carry a damn recorder everytime I am near her, but it has saved me from a charge in the past. Having to sit there and take shit from her and not say a word is bs and undermines my standing as an authority figure with the kids. Luckily my kids get it and have started to figure out who the problem lies with.

Thanks for any help or suggestions.

[mom2three]

Are you entertaining having the Friday exchange at school at the end of class? That would make many of the points you mentioned relevant. Othewise they mean didly.

The first one for example. Friday would be conducive to eliminating hostile exchanges.

So, you need to frame your argument in such a way to show that having Friday would eliminate the conflict between parties, facilitate meaningful weekend time and make exchanges easier on the kids (not pulling them away from 'fun' activites being engaged in prior to exchange).

[Teddie]

They go to a caregiver after school for about 2 hours and then get picked up. So the parent receiving them on Friday would pick them up there.

Good points, thanks.

[Rioe]

I would even take it further and suggest a Wednesday exchange via the school. That would eliminate any problems from Friday PA days and long weekend Mondays, except where they are otherwise mentioned in your agreement.

[hadenough]

*double post*

[hadenough]

Some great suggestions.

And to this quote "Having to sit there and take shit from her and not say a word is bs and undermines my standing as an authority figure with the kids. Luckily my kids get it and have started to figure out who the problem lies with."

I disagree that it undermines you. Rather it shows you are calm, mature and trustworthy. A "safe" place/haven. It would be a helluvalot worse if you were both having a "go" at eachother.

The kids need at least one parent to demonstrate "calm" and responsibility. They see it. They hear it, and they WILL remember and appreciate it. A "leader" does not make scenes.

A leader behaves calmly and rationally, no matter what. Smile and wave. Say "have a great day!"

[Canadaguy]

Throw in that on Sunday evenings you have family dinners, gatherings, etc and that an exchange time of 4pm prevents those afternoon/evening visits.

[Teddie]

Thanks for all the input everyone!

[Teddie]

Revisiting this thread because things have gotten worse. My ex has become increasingly hostile at the exchanges and I will be filing a motion to change the exchange day.

My court order has a clause stating that before I can file a motion to change anything we must first attend mediation. I will be arranging that shortly and providing that common ground isn't reached I will be filing a motion.

My lawyer said that when a motion to change is filed it can open a can of worms as my ex can again challenge anything that she doesn't like in the court order. I doubt it would happen but I don't want to lose any parenting time. My ex has stated that she will only change our exchange day if I give up more of my parenting time to her.....something I am not prepared to do.

Our first go round in court was awful and expensive but I need to do this because the kids don't need this.

To those of you who have filed a court order; what kind of experience did you have? Anything I should know?

Thanks in advance.

[FB_]

Revisiting this thread because things have gotten worse. My ex has become increasingly hostile at the exchanges and I will be filing a motion to change the exchange day.

My court order has a clause stating that before I can file a motion to change anything we must first attend mediation. I will be arranging that shortly and providing that common ground isn't reached I will be filing a motion.

My lawyer said that when a motion to change is filed it can open a can of worms as my ex can again challenge anything that she doesn't like in the court order. I doubt it would happen but I don't want to lose any parenting time. My ex has stated that she will only change our exchange day if I give up more of my parenting time to her.....something I am not prepared to do.

Our first go round in court was awful and expensive but I need to do this because the kids don't need this.

To those of you who have filed a court order; what kind of experience did you have? Anything I should know?

Thanks in advance.

I would also attempt to do the Wednesday exchange.

It is true that if you open up the order she can request any change she wants and you could be in for a long expensive process again.

You definitely could try mediation. Another thing to consider is binding arbitration.

First things first. I would send her via registered mail and order on consent to change the exchange day to Wednesday via school/childcare. Ask her to sign it and return it to you by XXXX date and if she refuses you will take further action to get this issue resolved.

You need to prove to the court you did everything you could to try and settle this first before going to court and you are being the reasonable one.

Best of luck.

[Serene]

While your bigger concern is her behavior at exchange, it is difficult to prove. It should be an element to warrant your request. But focus on things that are better and easier proved:

The children are prevented from participating in family celebrations and traditions given the mid sunday exchange....

[Teddie]

Thanks again everyone.

I have been thinking about the Wednesday exchange as well. Currently we have a Sunday exchange with a midweek overnight on Wednesday night.
I doubt she will agree to getting rid of the midweek so I will probably have to push for a Friday.

I am doubtful that she will bend on anything in mediation and this will ultimately be left up to a judge. My only concern is the judge giving her more parenting time. I fought against allegations of abuse, poor parenting, alcoholism, sexual abuse the first time through court. Obviously the courts never believed a word of what she said BUT I'm opening up a huge can of worms and allowing her to do it all over again.

My ex's thinking is all wrong here. She is not concerned about doing what is best for the kids, she is more concerned about what is fair to her. By her bending and agreeing to change the exchange, she feels that I owe her something, whether it be more money or parenting time.

[MS Mom]

Just a thought - but have you considered having someone else take the children for the exchange? She may be far less likely to go off in a parking lot on your 65 year old neighbor or elderly mother?

[blinkandimgone]

Or use a supervised access centre for exchanges. Everything gets documented.

[LovingFather32]

My ex's thinking is all wrong here. She is not concerned about doing what is best for the kids, she is more concerned about what is fair to her. By her bending and agreeing to change the exchange, she feels that I owe her something, whether it be more money or parenting time.

I can see Im definitely not alone in this "hostile ex" crusade. Just curious. Did you have to do supervised access in the beginning? If so, how long? Week about is nice .. did it take long to get there? You're making my night better over here.