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  • #1
    Most mediation is “without prejudice”, meaning it is a settlement discussion that cannot be used by either party as evidence in any legal proceeding, and the mediator cannot be a witness in a legal process. All mediation under the Ontario Mandatory Mediation Program is “without prejudice”. Most privately-conducted family mediations “closed”, meaning without prejudice negotiations. The only time mediation is not “without prejudice” is if the parties agree that it will be “open mediation”.

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    • #2
      who gives a shit what she claims. prove it.

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      • #3
        My ex had his parents appear as witnesses. It did not work out so well for him. They were terrified of being in the court room and did not undertstand the questions too well, even with an interpretator present.

        Professional witnesses may perform better, family members, neighbors and friends rarely do. Testimony from family will also be treated with caution by the judge who will accept that it is likely to be biased.

        Witnesses can only testify to their personal experience and will also be cross examined by the opposing counsel. So, when you invite family members to testify, you are taking a HUGE risk, it can open a whole new line of questioning that could bolster the opposing party's position.
        Last edited by Nadia; 04-06-2013, 04:27 AM.

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        • #4
          I'd guess that "witnesses" who are friends and family often end up giving opinions.

          What is expected (in the legal system) are relevant facts supported by evidence.

          If this is more about wishful thinking on the part of your stbx... and/or about trying to initmidate you..... it will help you a lot to see it for what it is.

          Anticipating the worse has wasted a lot of my time and resources and increased my stress at times. So keep working on that - getting perspective, other's advice, etc.

          On the other hand, the idea about being able to "counter" with your own demonstrable facts - that is something to think about already. Just don't think it's all about defense.

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          • #5
            It is one thing to make allegations, it is another one to actual get friends, neighboors... to be witness in court and swear under oath.

            More, unless they have some facts to demonstrate that you are unfit, they have nothing. Each parent has something to contribute and it is normal that each one would have different strenght as you are two different individuals.

            If she tries too hard to discredit you, it will turn out against her. Be smarter than her and stict to facts. While you recognize that both parents ability to contribute to the child life, you can demonstrated her actions that are preventing that to happen.

            Put together facts to demonstrate your ability to parent and that will void her rants that are base on just opinions.

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            • #6
              Armed with your detailed notes and recordings, wouldn't you LOVE to have a change to cross-examine your ex's witnesses? Your ex is handing you opportunities here.

              Your ex is indicating she is not going to cooperate with mediation? Another opportunity.

              But you react always with fear.

              Start thinking about how you can use these opportunities.

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              • #7
                Originally posted by dinkyface View Post
                Armed with your detailed notes and recordings, wouldn't you LOVE to have a change to cross-examine your ex's witnesses? Your ex is handing you opportunities here.

                Your ex is indicating she is not going to cooperate with mediation? Another opportunity.

                But you react always with fear.

                Start thinking about how you can use these opportunities.
                Yes! Opportunities. These are not things to be feared; they are beneficial to you.

                Your response has to be: "Look at what that nincompoop did this time", not "oh, oh, she has witnesses that are going to lie about me".

                You can do it Iceberg. It is about turning your thoughts around to YOUR benefit. Every time she does something, you have to put that into perspective and think about how it will help you and your child.

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                • #8
                  Why do you continue to communicate with your ex? Unless you are discussing pick-up/drop-off arrangements you should not be having conversations with her, particularly as you are heading to court soon.

                  How many times a day do you text/talk with her? Quit listening to her drivel. She's trying to get under your skin - and succeeding.

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                  • #9
                    i agree why are you still listening to her stupid shit?

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                    • #10
                      seems that he must like it. There is no reason to answer some of the texts she sends but he does anyways. Even after being told time and time again to ignore. Its almost like he likes the conflict as much as she does or why continue to talk to her??

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                      • #11
                        Friends/Family who offer to be witnesses are largely considered biased and most (if not all) of what they say is considered to be hearsay.

                        Iceberg: while nobody 'here' knows you personally, it has been observed by a few posters (and with increasing frequency) that your participation in the oft useless back and forth debates with your ex, is an activity that you are somehow enjoying or thriving off (of). It is not necessary for you to continue this way. You say you're trying to demonstrate that you can co_parent w/her. It also demonstrates (repeatedly) that the two of you are like oil and water.

                        Antagonistic, critical, condascending . . . I don't see how these exchanges are demonstrating anything but the fact that you two do not get along, and enjoy keeping the other party engaged.

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                        • #12
                          hes got 1k posts he should know the ropes by now.

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                          • #13
                            Originally posted by iceberg View Post
                            I will give you 2 examples what a "witness" can lie that I cannot refute.

                            1. Witness says that the child didn't want to come to my place, was crying, father called and said to the kid "you have to come", the child fainted, got a nose bleed etc...
                            2. I (witness) visit this family on almost daily basis and every time the child comes from the father, there is odor, dirt etc, etc....
                            Iceberg:

                            I want to start typing in capitals so you can hear me loud and clear, but I won't because this is NOT meant to yell at you.

                            Who gives a rat's behind that the child didn't want to come, that you said she had to, that she fell?? The judge will. Every child pulls this kind of stunt. It is a natural thing for a child to do. It was well within your parenting right AND OBLIGATION to not fall for it.

                            So the child fell. No one pushed her. The fall is IRRELEVANT.

                            Sometimes we need to remain silent on issues. If it EVER comes to having to question these witnesses:
                            Iceberg: You claim the child began to cry when I came to pick her up.
                            Witness: Yes
                            Iceberg: And I stated to the child "You need to come with me"?
                            Witness: Yes
                            Iceberg: And while the conversation was taking place, the child fell?
                            Witness: Yes.

                            Now I have to yell - WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL HERE? YOU HAVE NOTHING TO PROVE AGAINST! Her spewing this crap in an affidavit is going to sink her, not you. Sit back and let her slowing dunk her dumb butt in fire. You don't need to put here there, she is doing it herself.

                            As for the dirt? You HAVE TO LET IT ROLL OFF YOUR BACK (yelling at you again). In my experience, my ex threw a crap load of that invective into his affidavit, along with a bunch of witness affidavits. I was (correctly) instructed by my lawyer not to respond to any of it.

                            Judges didn't fall off the bus yesterday. Poor things have to read this crap every day. But judges don't count a person's PERSPECTIVE as evidence. You don't have to counter another persons perspective, only their evidence.

                            I understand the fear you are feeling. I felt exactly the same way. I wasn't none to pleased that this man I supposedly loved and lived with for over a decade had issues with my housekeeping skills.

                            On a funny note, because we we all deserve a laugh once in a while (at least funny to me). The first and only time my ex ever criticized my 'housekeeping' skills was a time where he was in the tub and I came through with the mop. He proceeded to 'note' that I had missed a section and I asked him if he wanted to do it. Nope, but you could try harder he said. I walked around the corner, grabbed the mop bucket, dumped its contents on his head and proceeded to let him know which rooms had yet to be done. He never complained again, until his application.

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                            • #14
                              Originally posted by iceberg View Post
                              Yes but a Judge can buy their stories.
                              You need to repeat this mantra:

                              "A judge does not believe everthing he/she hears"

                              rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat.

                              You don't see this crap written in decisions do you? I did you a favour and put "filthy home" into the search engine on canlii (for all of Canada) and a total of TEN, YES TEN, came up. Only ONE of those is a family squabble; the rest are criminal cases, child safety (CAS) cases.

                              So, you tell me now.........................how often does a judge buy this kind of story?????????? They DON'T.

                              Now go and repeat that mantra.

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                              • #15
                                Originally posted by mom2three View Post
                                He proceeded to 'note' that I had missed a section and I asked him if he wanted to do it. Nope, but you could try harder he said. I walked around the corner, grabbed the mop bucket, dumped its contents on his head and proceeded to let him know which rooms had yet to be done. He never complained again, until his application.
                                Good for you mom2three. Oh, how I wish I had sucked up my stbx's head when he ordered me to vacuum behind the dresser!

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