Advice regarding "questioning"

[ringettteplayer]

That's right it's official I am going to be questioned in special chambers by my stbx's lawyer wtf?!!! I presume my lawyer will know the questions of course she will prepare me before hand but really? Is this done in front of a judge and what purpose does this serve?!!! Anyone have any experience with this in family law and why this questioning is necessary???
Yes my lawyer will in turn question him but what does his lawyer want??

[ringettteplayer]

my apologies I'm not sure where the questioning will take place judges chambers her office my lawyers office no clue!?! Thanks

[Pursuinghappiness]

My questioning was done in a conference room setting in a legal office near the courthouse. It was basically a conference room.

Both attorney's present, you and a stenographer who will have a tape recorder running and be taking short-hand notes for the transcripts.

You will be sworn it and it will start. Your lawyer will not know the questions beforehand...however, may have some idea of what you might be asked.

Prior to the questioning, your lawyer should meet with you and go over how you should answer questions.

The questioning process is similar to what would happen at a trial. The other lawyer will try to get you emotional, try to trip you up, and try to get you to say conflicting things under oath.

Your lawyer will go over what you should do...ie:

...Take a long time to answer questions. Make sure you understand the question before you answer it. The general rule is to repeat the question in your head..take a deep breath and make sure you know how you're going to answer. Then answer in as few words as possible unless your lawyer instructs you to be wordy on a particular issue...

There's a whole list of things. Your lawyer may also do a little practice run with you. Basically the main rule is to just tell the truth.

There's a number of purposes questioning can be used for:

1) To make you nervous and edgy
2) Its expensive, so he might be trying to up your bill (mine did) or his laywer is trying to pad his bill
3) He's trying to get you to lie under oath
4) HC litigants often like their lawyer's to question you about irrelevancies under oath...ie, I got asked a lot of irrelevant questions about my new bf. I answered them all...none of it was ever an issue in any of our ongoing litigation or custody evaluation.

Whatever you do...don't panic. Its good practice in case you go to trial.

Funny enough, my ex demanding questioning backfired against him since he lied about his financials under oath. Use it as an opportunity to get him on record about any of his inconsistencies.

[mememe]

I am meeting with my lawyer regarding my upcoming questioning with a court reporter. One day for me one day for you know who. The bill will be beyond belief, and I too am wondering the purpose of it. For me---my ex removed his current financials, hasn't submitted stuff etc and has delayed this process for years---at greater cost to me (too long a story unless you have read my rants). In my head, I hope this will make him want to settle and then we can move forward. He and his lawyers have been playing lots of games at a cost to me (strangely--little to him). I am thinking that if they do not move onto settlement (we invited them to talk prior to all this---to no avail) I would like to go straight to court and let someone settle some of this stuff ( tried to ask him to do mediation and collborationi--surprise--not for him). My question: what advice do people have who have done this questioning--any positive outcome or did everyone go to court? If you had to do it again--would you go directly to court?

[Pursuinghappiness]

My question: what advice do people have who have done this questioning--any positive outcome or did everyone go to court? If you had to do it again--would you go directly to court?

I'm not sure that going straight to court is an option...either party can request questioning...but I'm not a lawyer.

Your case is similar to mine in that my ex didn't tell the truth on his financials or provide them...during questioning, he continued to fabricate under oath about them also...and to-date, 14-months after questioning, I'm just now getting resolution on a disclosure motion which all documents were due by the middle of this month. (The disclosure motion took 4 months to get through the court).

Is questioning worth it? Maybe.

Its certainly over-priced but having him fabricate under oath may help in the event we go to trial. Its hard to say. I can honestly say nothing has come of his fabrications to-date.

I believe that my ex's lawyer used questioning as a tactic to run me out of money and lengthen the process. It didn't work out for him and its hard for me to say it was worth it for me either.

[mememe]

I feel for the last 3.5 years his lawyer has been draining me emotionally,monetarily and physically (he wouldn't come to the house to clean out all his stuff--some from a previous marriage and his mom's house). I have tried so hard to move things forward and get this over---at whatever cost. But my lawyer's bills are eating into my savings and his cost is greater than my salary can really afford. So---I don't want to waste time any more---I just want the courts to decide. I see my lawyer and I am going to ask him about this. When we tried to meet with them last time , they cancelled last minute (he was with his "sick" lawyer while they were cancelling the meeting) (I had to pay my lawyer for preparing for a meeting that never ever took place) I can't play these games any more. I will see how far I get---and then someone suggested self-representing. Maybe that's a tactic he won't like---I don't know.

[ringettteplayer]

Interestingly my stbx has yet to comply with his financials either or his assets. I take it most of these men that request this type if ligatation are financially quite successful and are trying to protect it? The first thing I thought was he was trying to starve me out and see if he could low ball me. Is this familiar to anyone?

[caranna]

Interestingly my stbx has yet to comply with his financials either or his assets. I take it most of these men that request this type if ligatation are financially quite successful and are trying to protect it? The first thing I thought was he was trying to starve me out and see if he could low ball me. Is this familiar to anyone?

Yes, this is exactly my situation. It happens a lot with men who are morally bankrupt but financially stable. Just try to relax, and be as calm as possible during the meeting. If there is a question you don't understand, don't be afraid to ask for an explanation.

[ringettteplayer]

My next question is there has been zero mention on his part with regards to custody.
His lawyer has only mentioned in her last letter that she hopes to set up an access schedule soon.
I have applied for sole custody. Does anyone know if the questioning will be used for custody or would it just be for financials?
I can see this is going to get ridiculously expensive. Thank u

[arabian]

I find sessions with a judge present to be refreshing simple and straightforward. My lawyer is prepared as am it. We had our divorce done this way (JDR). Really quite civilized and no-nonsense.

If you are unsure of the process for your particular case simply call or email your lawyer and ask him to explain things to you. Because lawyers are in the courthouse on a daily basis they sometimes forget that the experience is foreign to many.

[caranna]

Rp, there are many concerns that your ex needs to address before this questioning can take place. If you attend that meeting without knowing his basic financial information and his stance on child custody, for example, I feel that you will be wasting your money and time.

Your lawyer will advise you on the type of questioning involved, although he/she will not know the exact ones. Apparently the stbx will not be at the meeting. I would want to know the reason for this. I guess it's been done before, but I'm curious as to why he wouldn't be there.

[Pursuinghappiness]

My next question is there has been zero mention on his part with regards to custody.
His lawyer has only mentioned in her last letter that she hopes to set up an access schedule soon.
I have applied for sole custody. Does anyone know if the questioning will be used for custody or would it just be for financials?
I can see this is going to get ridiculously expensive. Thank u

Ringette:

The questioning process can be used for pretty much anything he and his laywer wants to ask you under oath.

I got asked a variety of things...financial questions, questions about my current and previous employment, a lot of very personal questions, how many times I cooked dinner, what my daily habits were, things about my children, etc.

I think you're panicking a bit unnecessarily.

Understand that if your ex is financially well-off and has a certain type of lawyer who sees him as a cash-cow...this isn't that unusual. Same thing happened to me and a lot of women who have more financially stable ex's who think they're going to "win" in court. There's no doubt that there's some probable reason that his lawyer wants to do this...ie, run up your ex's bill....run you out of money...shake you up. Don't fall for it. Its not that bad if you remain calm and its great practice for upcoming court actions and trial.

This may be worth the money, if he's lied on his financials...you should take this as a potential opportunity to get him under oath.

First of all, you should be setting up a meeting with your lawyer to do two things.

1) To go over how the process will be done and practice how to respond. Your lawyer should review your strategy with you...ie. what themes you want to stick to. Your lawyer will let you know that questioning isn't a time to "tell your story"....that you don't want to talk too much or get your point across. In fact, just the opposite...unless she tells you to spend more time on a particular topic, you're going to answer very short, succinct answers and do not get emotional. His lawyer will try really hard to get you to blow your top under oath. His lawyer will do things like raise his voice a bit, confront you, ask you the same question 5 times..etc. Just stay calm and tell the truth in as few words as possible.

2) To go over what your lawyer needs to ask your ex. You'll form a strategy of things that you don't believe ..ie. his financials,etc. Then your lawyer will come up with her own list of questions for your ex. Make sure you give her input here on anything you want him questioned on. Your lawyer will also ask for undertakings/evidence during the process.

Remember too, that you're going to (theoretically) ease the disclosure process a bit because during questioning, both lawyers will be requesting "Undertakings"...evidence documents to verify what you've/he's said.

This is important because you won't have to then submit another (Form 20) request for information later....he can refuse an undertaking but only with good reason. So later, you can simply file a motion for him to comply with the undertakings from questioning (and he'll be picking up costs on that one). I just went through that process.

I know its a bit stressful but, as I said, work with your lawyer and go over his financials in detail to use this as an opportunity to get him under oath and to request all the undertakings you require.

[Pursuinghappiness]

By the way, just wanted to add here that a lot of the stuff that his lawyer may ask you in questioning may be totally irrelevant to any of your issues and funny enough, that's the stuff that his lawyer will probably use to shake you up the most.

Just to give you an example, I got something similar to this:

His lawyer: How often did you cook dinner?
Me: It dependended on my work schedule...generally 2-3 times and there would be leftovers or we'd eat out.
His lawyer: Mr. Ex said that he had to cook most dinners because you were lazy and would be on the internet.
Me: I'd generally cook 2-3 times and there would be leftovers or we'd eat out.
His lawyer: Would you consider yourself a good cook?
Me: Yes.
His lawyer: Mr. Ex said you were a terrible cook. You don't agree with that?
Me: No.

...etc. He'd then ask something important that pertained to our divorce issues...and return to my cooking, cleaning, pasttimes, etc.

My ex's lawyer literally used the same tactics to rile me up that my ex used to use when we were arguing. It was literally like listening to my ex accuse me of stuff which I'm sure wasn't an accident. Luckily, my lawyer did an excellent job of preparing me for what was going to happen and coached me on being impassive.

None of those types of questions are/were relevant to ANY of our ongoing litigation. They're designed to piss you off and get you talking too much for the really important questions.

So the goal is to stay calm. Do not let the lawyer shake you. Listen to the question and be careful about answering the really important ones that apply to financials or custody.

[ringettteplayer]

Thanks so much everyone I greatly appreciate all your input and advice truly I am greatful. Yes I do know he is not being honest regarding his financials, however and my lawyer has been very good to prepare me she is just expensive!! I thought his lawyer was definitely trying to scare me or run me out of money which she's close to doing so however I'm more concerned about custody there has been zero mention from his side only mention of access what does that mean if anything?

[Pursuinghappiness]

I thought his lawyer was definitely trying to scare me or run me out of money which she's close to doing

No doubt that might be part of the tactic.

I've been lucky in that my lawyer has delayed payment for me based on the fact that I'm getting a substantial equalization amount. You might want to talk to your lawyer about something like that.

however I'm more concerned about custody there has been zero mention from his side only mention of access what does that mean if anything?

Hard to say? What access did he ask for? Generally sole custody parents have the kid/s more than 60% of the time. I'd definitely prepare for questions along this theme though.