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  • Threats

    Hi, monday I had a case conference with my ex regarding child support. I was changing to pay $0 amount per month as I am only making 10000 a year and according to the support guidelines I should be paying $0. This is the problem, my ex never filled out his paper work for 1, the judge was basically telling him that I really don't have to pay according to my wage. But we should come to an agreement. Left us in the room together to discuss and that is when i told him, I can't afford it and that 129.00 that I have been paying could go for groceries for when they do come every other weekend. So I said I will give you 50, to which he replied your kidding...so I said what do you want, he says 75...I said No, then he threatened me and said F U now I want it all and we can go to court. I then said fine 75, get the judge back in here. When the judge came back in he asked if anyone felt pressured on what we agreed upon....I know I should have spoke up, but in a way I think I was scared....I'm not scared of him, but he turns my words around and won't let me talk...it has always been like that. The judge had no idea of what he made because he never gave him his papers and his wife also collect disability from INCO so I am sure it isn't a small amount either. Now I'm, pissed because I should have said something to stick up for myself and I didn't.....what do I do?

  • #2
    Nothing... you 'cooked your goose.'

    You reduced the amount you have to pay.

    75.00 a month is a pitiful amount to pay for child support. The amount of money that your ex's wife makes is of no relevance. Your children aren't her responsibility.

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    • #3
      I realize they are not hers....but he makes over 52000.00 a year...it was the threatening part I was actually worried about

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      • #4
        You had your opportunity to tell the judge and you decided not to. I don't think there is anything you can do about it now. Best to put it behind you and move on.

        If you ever have an opportunity again I would suggest that you go in better prepared. Make a list. One thing you could have raised is the fact that you have to drive and pick up the children which is costly in terms of gas. You could have negotiated that he drop off and pick up the kids. From your earlier posts it seems that driving and picking up the kids was financially difficult for you.

        With that said it is all hindsight now. Learn from it and move on. Perhaps you should focus your energy on how to get a job and contribute to the financial welfare of your children. Try to think ahead. Hopefully your kids will have the opportunity to go to college. Why not put the 50.00/month you saved into a savings fund for the children? Christmas fund?

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        • #5
          I can not work...I am on ODSP, but thanks for your reply

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          • #6
            Sorry to hear that. If your disability is not permanent in nature perhaps you can get some sort of re-training in the future.

            Hope you can find some peace and improved quality of life in the future.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by sharong593 View Post
              So I said I will give you 50, to which he replied your kidding...so I said what do you want, he says 75...I said No, then he threatened me and said F U now I want it all and we can go to court. I then said fine 75, get the judge back in here.


              The judge had no idea of what he made because he never gave him his papers and his wife also collect disability from INCO so I am sure it isn't a small amount either. Now I'm, pissed because I should have said something to stick up for myself and I didn't.....what do I do?
              A threat is a statement to inflict pain, damage etc., not to take one to court. His position was that if you didn't agree to the $ 75.00 he would take you to court. If you cannot afford to pay, then you should not have agreed.

              As for the second part? His income and her income are irrelevant and do not factor into your responsibility to pay support for your child.

              What do you do? You learn from this experience. You decide when/if you bring forth a motion to change again. Then you don't play the victim and stick up for yourself; if he is intimidating, then you need to bring that up with the judge so this doesn't happen again.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by sharong593 View Post
                I know I should have spoke up, but in a way I think I was scared....I'm not scared of him, but he turns my words around and won't let me talk...it has always been like that.
                You don't let yourself be alone with him, ever. He know your vulnerabilities and will always take advantage of you. My STBX is like that. I cannot reason with him at all. He is irrational and unpredictable. I wouldn't even want a four way meeting. It would be a waste of money and time.

                Threatening, trivializing, invalidating and twisting your words and thoughts are hallmarks of abusive and controlling people. You always have to be on guard with this. Even with other people. Don't ever let yourself be taken advantage of. You need to have the confidence to stand up and speak for yourself. A good counsellor can be of help.

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                • #9
                  "I know I should have spoke up, but in a way I think I was scared....I'm not scared of him, but he turns my words around and won't let me talk"

                  How many kids do you have?

                  If you're not "scared of him," - who or what are you scared of? Your children are entitled to child support.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by sharong593 View Post
                    I can not work...I am on ODSP, but thanks for your reply
                    Why are you on ODSP?

                    What is your disability that prevents you from supporting yourself and your children?

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                    • #11
                      mom2three said "A threat is a statement to inflict pain, damage etc., not to take one to court. His position was that if you didn't agree to the $ 75.00 he would take you to court. ..."

                      Agreed.

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                      • #12
                        @billm: I don't think asking why she is on ODSP is a fair question, nor is it one that anyone should answer. If she was approved for it, then she qualified for it - end of story.

                        By mom2three "A threat is a statement to inflict pain, damage etc., not to take one to court. His position was that if you didn't agree to the $ 75.00 he would take you to court. ..." * I AGREE *
                        Last edited by hadenough; 03-27-2013, 05:47 PM.

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