desperate

[standing on the sidelines]

i cant see them saying anything about the stains in the carpets, pretty well every rental I have lived in has had stains. Just make sure the garbage isnt over flowing, dishes are done and bathroom is clean. I think they are looking more for pet feces and stuff like rotten food etc.

[Berner_Faith]

Stains on carpets do not automatically mean the carpet is dirty/unfit. If you wash a shirt and the stain does not come out,, that doesn't mean the shirt is dirty, it just means its stained.

As was point out, as long as the house isn't filthy (garbage, junk, ect) you should have nothing to worry about!

[sjandme]

Some people throw a rug on top of a wall to wall carpet - depending on the location of the stains that can be a solution.

You know something cheap and neutral from a place like Ikea.

[caranna]

Just make sure the bathroom is clean and do the other good tips that SOS mentioned. I'll add to remove clutter, even if it's temporarily, into boxes or baskets that you can stash into closets or any other hide away places.

Anything that is shiny or reflects will make a great impression if you give them a little polishing up, like door knobs, windows, mirrors, etc. Door knobs have a reputation for being one of the dirtiest places in the house, so the inspector will probably look at them.

Make sure your home smells good or better, like nothing. So don't cook something like cabbage if you know the inspector will be over. Lysol spray is good for freshening up.

[Nadia]

The CAS will just check to see if you are keeping the place clean. So, unless your home looks like one of those shown on the "Hoarders" you have nothing to worry about.

[hadenough]

The other thing you want stored away and out of reach are Cleaning products and ALL medications, whether prescription or not. Put ALL of that up in the cupboard up above the fridge. ***This is very important***

You want to demonstrate the child has age-appropriate toys and preferably his/her own room. The stains on the carpet do not matter. They won't be going there to qualify you for Better Homes & Gardens.

Clean/Tidy with meds and cleaning agents well out of reach.

I knew someone that was a foster parent/guardian and also worked in childcare - that person told me about the storing (out of reach) meds and household cleaners.

[hadenough]

Windex works on just about everything. A nice wipe-down, vaccuum, sweep - and you're good to go. CAS is not there to judge your decor and they won't be bringing in air quality inspectors. Give the place a once over and don't give the stains a second thought. You are worrying yourself over nothing.

[mom2three]

Consider her antics a nail in her own coffin. And then keep doing what your doing. This can be good for you, not a negative thing to get yourself anxious about.

She isn't the first and she won't be the last ex to try this stunt. I was already involved with CAS (by agreement - long story) and when I mentioned the ex's accusations in his affidavit the case worker openly acknowledged that he saw that crap played all the time, whether it is direct calls to CAS or through affidavit claims.

IMHO, a waste of tax payers dollars and valuable time that could be spent by workers dealing with more pressing cases.


Like another stated, unless your home is comparable to those depicted in "Hoarders", you have nothing to worry about.

[arabian]

What sort of friend is this who gets into a conversation with your ex regarding the suitability of your home with your ex?

I certainly don't have any friends who still associate with my ex.

Perhaps its time for you to set some clear boundaries with your friends.

[hadenough]

Iceberg, arabian is right: THIN THE HERD.

Some "friends" thrive on other people's troubles.

[Nadia]

Iceberg,

Listen to the sage advice posted above. I would only add that you should make sure your fridge is clean and stocked. Make sure you have lots of vegetables, fruits, cheese and any other child friendly snacks as well as the essentials like milk etc.

In respect to any friends you still have in common with your ex, I would stop communicating with them. You do not know where their loyalties lie at any given time. Also it will just drive you nuts trying to figure out what your ex is doing. Hearing bits and pieces via a friend that is also communicating with her, is not likely to be very reliable. If the CAS do visit, let them contact and visit you. They have to call you to ensure you are at home to receive them.

[caranna]

Arabian is right on. I don't have any friends that associate with my STBX. My son and his wife have been communicating with him, and I have informed them not to tell him anything about me...nothing, nada. And I don 't want or need to know anything about him. Anything that is relevant that we need to know about each other will be communicated through our lawyers.

I did make one concession though...if they knew he was about to harm me in any way, of course I would want to know.

Last week my daughter-in-law informed me he had gone to Cuba for vacation. I had to remind her...I don 't need to know this! lol.

[hadenough]

I don't speak to or associate with anyone that knows my ex. Rather simple really - I think he only has 2 friends. I didn't care for either of them 'then' and I sure as hell don't 'now.'

[DowntroddenDad]

I joined a choir last year to find that one of the other singers is a musician who works at me ex's church and knows my ex and my kid well. It was a little tense, she didn't know we were separated at the time. Thankfully she has become a good friend, and we don't discuss my ex ever(I don't think they are friends per se, just aquaintences).

I also see my ex's best friend every so often, as my kids go there to visit, and sometimes I pick them up from there. I've also picked up and dropped off their kids when they are at somethign with our kids. It feels a little strange, but we are all civil.

My family on the other hand won't communicate with her. She did call my father at one point, and he didn't hang up but he didn't chat long. The rest of the family has nothing to say to her.

[dad2bandm]

My ex pulled this, way back...tried to claim I kept an "unfit" house, and complained to CAS about it.

I obviously did not have an "unfit" house, so when the CAS worked talked to me about this (on the phone), she wanted to stop by for a chat, and I told her to come over anytime. Which she did - we agreed to a date for her to come over.

Most of the time, she was over, we sat and discussed how the kids are doing, and it was only at the end of that, that she basically wanted to do a quick "run through" the house. She basically just poked her head into each room, and this visit ended with a "obviously, there are no concerns here".

I think I would have been in my right too, to just refuse this "visit", but I had nothing to hide, and obviously wanted to show I'm the cooperative parent.

The end-result... I had to follow-up with CAS again, to find out anything, but I was advised there were no issues at my house, but apparently, they had talked to Mom, and it was advised to her, that she take a "parenting course", and apparently Mom agreed to that. But I don't know anything more than that, as I was no longer in the "file" I guess. So this could backfire on her.

You have nothing to worry about, unless you do keep an unclean house...then you should clean it. lol.

If you have clutter, or the kids have left their toys about...they won't care. They are used to seeing that. What they will look for is "dirt", mold, unsanitary conditions. Unsafe conditions.

My ex tried to claim I had a vicious pet, around our then baby...it was quite apparent that was not true, when the worker visited. If you have a pet, and it is not kid friendly, you should re-evaluate whether having that pet is wise.

I've heard, they look for food as well. I've heard, they want to see milk and bread available. lol. But maybe they look for those, because it's easy to spot spoiled food with them?

Agree with the other posters here... you need to thin your "friends", or associate with them less, if they hang out with your ex. There is "oh...I know your ex", and there is "yeah, your ex and I routinely talk". The saying is true... "some people do thrive on others drama". Those kind of people are not friends.