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  • #1
    Iceberg:

    I'm really sorry for what you're going through. I know what it feels like.

    I don't think you can alleviate all your fears when someone is trying to take your parental rights away. Its one of the scariest things you can go through.

    However, the one thing you can do to help calm yourself and give you something to do is...Prepare!

    Spend your time getting your paperwork organized...get your answers ready...have a friend or family member dry-run you through some responses in case you get called to say anything...go through your affidavit to see if there's anything you need to add or amend.

    You can try to take your mind off with exercise or a night out but it will probably be tough.

    Just remember..your lawyer pretty much HAS to say what she said because when you walk into family court, anything can happen. Mine did the exact same with me....its almost a legal disclaimer. Lawyers generally don't make you promises...they prepare you for the worst, then they say "knew it all along" once you do well. Basically those statements are legal C.Y.A. (cover your ass)...so don't take it too seriously.

    As far as the child support goes, I don't know the details but if you're eligible, I would.

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    • #2
      I totally agree with ph. I give you a TONNE of credit for even admitting that you are fearful; that in and of itself speaks volumes about the love for you child, as well as speaks for your ability to overcome the fear!

      I was scared shitless and now when I look back on it that fear stemmed from the reality that I could 'lose' my children and the 'unknown'.

      Losing access to your child is a real threat. But you can do something about that by continuing to be the best Dad you can be AND dealing with that second threat - the 'unknown'.

      Go the the courthouse and become familiar with the surroundings; read up on your provinces court processes = know what the hell is happening; make sure you have your documentation in order (and you know the order) so you are prepared.

      And dealing with that fear in the interim while you get ready? The best thing I did was learn meditation (not mediation lol). Grabbed myself a book at the local library, foudn videos on you tube etc - didn't cost me a penny but did wonders for my mental health. Don't forget to keep coming back here.

      And if all that fails and you can't get a grasp on the fear, please go and get some help. In my situation I did go see a counsellor, but another recommendation that was made to me was to go a speak with an Elder from the native reserve in my vicinity. That may sound CRAZY but here are the benefits for you to consider:
      • Elders do not give advice; they work with you
      • It is free
      • Generally they have immense experience in child custody issues (unfortunately)
      • Nothing wrong with gaining a new perspective
      Good luck Iceberg. When I read your story I relate to the fear and it brings me right back to those awful days. Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I only wish you and your child the best outcome.

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      • #3
        Hey Iceberg. You're going through the fear of the unknown simply because you haven't been through this thing before. I was pretty intimidated my first time in court.

        Depending upon what letter your last name starts with (my is at the end of the alphabet) generally determines when your case will be called. Everyone who is appearing that morning has a document that says 10:00 AM (you and dozens).

        Get there ahead of time. Once you go through the security check point you walk right up to a lit-up board that says "Court of Queens Bench." You will see your ex's name vs. your name and beside it the courtroom. You take the elevator up to the appropriate floor and you will see a large lounge area outside of several courtrooms. You can pop your head into the courtroom and get a look at everything. You sit on the benches (not in the front row which is reserved for lawyers). You wait. You will likely sit through and observe many cases. By the time your case is called you will probably feel much more relaxed as you have seen how the judge proceeds with people who do and don't have representation.

        You are going to morning sessions, not special sessions, so I strongly suspect it is just to set a date. From what you shared with us it is my opinion that your ex certainly doesn't have anything that is of an urgent nature thus I would be surprised if an interim order is made. If I were you would I would be prepared for this and if the lawyer tries this then emphasize you want specific access. Usually these morning cases are only allotted 10 minutes. If your case presents itself as being difficult/complex the judge will defer the case to another time.

        I found that by simply watching other cases it relaxed me. The process was foreign but seeing the judges and lawyers in action dispelled alot of anxiety. You can go down to the courthouse and slip into a morning session and no one will question why you are there.

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