Got served today (warning: very long)

[involveddad75]

PM me Iceberg.

[Nadia]

You provide a rebuttal to each and every point and then put forward your own proposal.

She is alleging that you are not a very good parent. Just because "she" says that does not mean it is the truth.

She is claiming that it is in the child's best interest for her to have custody and primary residence. Again just because "she" says that does not mean it is correct and in any way in the child's best interest.

Is the April 3 appearance a regular motion? You could request an adjournment. If that is what you are wanting, then you email her and request that you need more time to prepare. If she refuses or fails to respond, you simply state on the confirmation (which needs to be faxed to the court by 2pm two days before) that you are requesting an adjournment and have already requested this from the opposing party.

[hadenough]

99% HEARSAY.

What is attached as exhibits to back up this BS? It is a poorly written affidavit. Mudslinging.

1st affidavit I got from the other party was all LIES (except for his name and Date of Birth).

Her (stbx) stating something (anything) does not make it the gospel truth.

Do not stoop to her level. Remain child-focused - do not insult the mother. She's posturing. Totally full of crap. Take the high road. You can do this! Involveddad and Desperatedad will be very helpful to guide you.

[OhMy]

I've said it on this forum before and I wil say it again

Judges despise finger pointing.

From what has been disclosed that's all it is and most is petty.

Justices do see through that.

[involveddad75]

You provide a rebuttal to each and every point and then put forward your own proposal.

I would not do that, just my opinion, but that would make his affidavit longer than hers. Don't focus on her story. Focus on his.
Start the affidavit with 2 pages of ave he is a good and involved dad.
apply the responding template I just sent him. (you can use this to respond to hundreds of allegations on a single page.
Next spend a page stating how the you to of you have been able to work together, and or how you feel communication will improve once out of court.

Stay focused on your story.

[arabian]

^ agree and would add: keep it relevant and don't forget to say some positive things about the mother ... she is a loving mother, however, it is in the best interests of the child to have both parents play equally active roles in parenting...

You will do fine.

(I wouldn't try to counter her affidavit as it is pretty much BILGE and you want to focus on why shared custody is preferable to sole custody arrangements. Your child has distinct ongoing medical issues which benefit from support from both parents.)

[arabian]

Iceberg I PM'd you and sent my lawyer an email to ask him a few questions on your behalf.

[hadenough]

Your ex's lawyer is a hired gun. The strategy, or the mission - is to make you fearful and throw you off centre.

I too wanted to respond to/refute every ridiculous statement. It put me into overdrive. I did not yet have the benefit of wisdom. Much of which I have found from this forum. Don't let her control the story of who you are.

All of the above feedback you have received above is spot-on. It's not about playing into her "version" of who you are and what role you play in your child's life. She *does not* have the upper hand. Her allegations about you and your family are baseless in terms of who you are, as a person and a father.

Let her continue on the perilous path she is on. By contrast, you will emerge as the fair, reasonable and kind individual that I am sure you are. Don't let fear take over you. It's smoke and mirrors.

You do not need to defend or explain your brother, father etc to the court. You need only demonstrate who you are, and what the happiness and well-being of your child means to you. Please take all this good advice and build up your confidence. It's natural to feel stress and fear - but if you stay on the right path - you will overcome your fear.

I wish I'd known what I do now, a few years ago. I caused myself a world of extra anxiety because I didn't know what to expect. I was shocked, afraid and didn't have a clue.

I'm not saying I never get nervous anymore but I will say, it's pretty hard to "scare" me now - not after the past few years I've had.

Embrace the wisdom of people who have been there. It has been given to you freely and generously. Believe in yourself.

[Pursuinghappiness]

Good lord...

That affidavit is literally laughable. THAT'S what she's going to court with??? Her lawyer must be a complete nitwit.

I wouldn't go anywhere near her level. Present a clear parenting plan, including a solid support system, don't insult her, simply look like the positive person.

I know you're worried whenever you enter the court room over custody/access issues but good lord, she's a trainwreck if she thinks she's going to win custody with that heap of nonsense.

Tell the truth, stay positive, contradict only what you need to and show why you deserve to parent your kid. I would add something about her ongoing alienation sabotaging your child's right to a relationship with you and vice versa.

[involveddad75]

I can prove that we cooperated well but how do I show we will improve communication after the court? She will now deliberately avoid co-parenting.

You can't but you want to express that it is your hope that you both can work together.
Remember you can't control what anyone else does, you can only control what you do as a result.
If you come off as the most reasonable person, the most flexible person (without being a push over) then you will prevail and you will succeed.

[involveddad75]

I would add something about her ongoing alienation sabotaging your child's right to a relationship with you and vice versa.

I would use the term inference and manipulation rather than alienation.
I new one I have heard is parental bullying.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comfficeffice" /><o></o>

[Mess]

I would not do that, just my opinion, but that would make his affidavit longer than hers. Don't focus on her story. Focus on his.
Start the affidavit with 2 pages of ave he is a good and involved dad.
apply the responding template I just sent him. (you can use this to respond to hundreds of allegations on a single page.
Next spend a page stating how the you to of you have been able to work together, and or how you feel communication will improve once out of court.

Stay focused on your story.

I strongly disagree. An affidavit is as long as it needs to be.

When a judge sees her affidavit, they will not be shocked by receiving a thoughtful rebuttle; they will be expecting it.

What he should not do is slag her in the way she slags him

If he does not respond to her assertions, the judge must accept them as true. You don't ignore anything the other side brings up.

What he should do is try to be concise and straightforward. "The applicant has not been inside the respondent's home for 6 months" is a sufficient rebuttle for many of those points.

[hadenough]

By PH: "that affidavit is literally laughable. THAT'S what she's going to court with??? Her lawyer must be a complete nitwit."

I was thinking the same. Iceberg, you're welcome. I meant to say it was ex's "reply affidavit" that I first saw and couldn't believe the bs he had included. For some reason (I suppose we all have an inherent need to defend ourselves) I started to set out with proof, that it was all lies. It's as though I thought the ridiculous points he had made were etched in stone. Honestly I don't even know that the Judge looked at any/much of it. In hindsight, it's obvious ex was being coached by an idiot of a lawyer. I didn't even know what parental alienation was. Pretty amazing really, since I was a victim of it for some time prior to separation and the court process.

I don't know if I could have lessened the amount of time that I spent stressed and worried. I went into it not having any idea that I'd be raked over the coals for a few years to come. I didn't need to gather up all the info that I did - I simply needed to know the proper way to respond. NOT knowing things is what causes fear, in court matters.

I am so glad that part is over. I wish someone had told me to calm down and shared with me some of the advice on here. Ironically, (and unfortunately)I joined this forum after I had gone to trial. I still recall being floored by all the lies. Strange really.. He (ex) always did lie - why would court be any different? One lawyer I had (briefly) looked at me and said "people lie in court all the time." Again, I was shocked. Boy, what a difference a few years make.

The big challenge is to keep your emotions in check. Look at lawyers - they present the facts of a matter without emotion, which is why many of us do better with one, than without one.

[arabian]

I received response back from my lawyer - give me a call or email me and I'll forward it on to you.

[arabian]

I'm fortunate to have a good lawyer. He is paid well and I'm told I'm not a high-maintenance client. Iceberg is a decent man who's just trying to be a good dad.

Interesting thing is that several months after I had retained my lawyer I was looking for his phone number in the local Yellow Pages for a friend and I came across an add where the law firm had advertised themselves as something along the lines of "men's advocates." This has been a good thing for my ex (although he will likely never know) as this lawyer has probably kept me from going for the kill all those times when I was indeed in a position to do so.