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Divorce due to pre-existing Disease

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  • Divorce due to pre-existing Disease

    Hello There

    I am an Indian citizen and Canadian Permanent resident. I got married to my husband in 2008 in USA. Even though it was an arranged marriage, circumstances led it happened in USA. At that time, my husband was on H1b visa and I was a Master student (F1). After 7 months of marriage, my husband had grand mal seizure. I came to know that he has epilepsy which is mostly under control with the medication. He had 6-7 seizures in his life though he had this problem from six months of age and had been on medication for most of his young and adult life. Though he had some accidents almost one year before our marriage and our marriage might be an attempt of keeping someone with him all the time.

    In the meantime my husband has to move to Canada. I joined him here in 2010 and I got pregnant in the same year. To save his time, my husband relied mostly on my and his parents, who visited us from India, during my pregnancy. So many things happened during my second and third trimester – including him having another seizure in the presence of my mother, his super superstitious mother, bad OBGYN, overdue pregnancy, induction, intense labor of 2 days and ultimately c-section (which bled for one month too). I went into postpartum depression. So during maternal leave, I had some counselling sessions from a private psychotherapist. Finally I recovered.

    Only a few days went normal, my husband’s epilepsy started getting bad. Almost in last one year, he had 8 seizures. The situation is really bad- one he had while walking on the road (paramedics brought him in) and four in the bathroom (In the most recent one, he was walking naked inside the apartment since he had no conscious). His situation affects my health and I have to take care of two years old son as well. We are having ‘Divorce/ Separation’ talk almost after every episode. He does not think if divorce is needed, probably because I and my son complete the picture of him as a successful man.

    The physical side of marriage has been weird too, which includes visit to doctor. He has to sleep early and work almost 12 hours a day to be an outlier. Things have gone really bad after son’s birth and we sleep in separate rooms so that I can control my son’s noise and my husband can sleep well. He also has mild sleep apnea.

    I want to know my legal rights and make decision accordingly. People of Indian origin have options to take divorce on any of the jurisdictions (India and the country of residence; we currently live in ON) with mutual consent. India has strict law for this situation, not sure how Canadian system sees this deception or disease. I am looking for a mutually consented resolution, so that there will be the least negative effect on my son. But if my husband does not consider separation as an option, what should I do and how should I approach? Our finances are tied together very closely. Besides on emotional and physical level, it is a big step since we don’t have any family or close friends here. With my current salary, I doubt if I will qualify for any Government program but I will be vulnerable especially on emotional level- I have tendency for depression. I personally want to take step by step approach (prob. in 1-2 years) instead of haste decision.

    Thanks
    Last edited by deepu; 02-27-2013, 09:42 PM. Reason: improvement

  • #2
    1) You do not need any reason to file for divorce. Deception or disease is not relevant to your ability to divorce.

    2) Your son will be happiest if he knows that both parents love him and will always be with him, and that the divorce is not his fault.

    3) You bigggest challenge is to get thru the emotional aspect of the divorce, and come to an agreement on how to split your assets and debts, and how to co-parent your son. If you do it badly, all your money ends up in lawyers' pockets, it will take 2 years to sort out, and likely your son will be torn apart not knowing which parent he has to ally himself with.

    If he is unable to support himself fully, you may be paying him spousal support after you divorce.
    Last edited by dinkyface; 02-27-2013, 09:57 PM.

    Comment


    • #3
      Agreed, in Canada all divorce is "no fault" and any party to the marriage can dissolved it at any time for no reason whatsoever. Different than some other countries.

      However before the separation can proceed to divorce, a number of issues to disentangle the parties must be resolved. These typically include:

      -Finances, especially splitting assets such as the matrimonial home and pensions. You usually have an automatic 50% share in the home in Canada.

      -Custody and access to the children. How much time will the children spend with each party and on what schedule? Generally the principal is to encourage the "maximum access" possible in the best interests of the child to have a close relationship with both parents.

      -Support for the children. This is fairly straightforward in Canada, based on tables of your income that show how much is to be paid. If one person has the children the majority of the time, they receive the full amount of support. If the children spend an equal amount of time with both parents then the support is less, basically the difference between what they would owe each other for support.

      -Support for the spouses. A more complicated issue. Generally if there is a substantial difference in income and/or one person's career was affected by the marriage or its breakdown support can be sought. There is a compensation element here, but also a "need" element. If your husband's condition prevents him from being self supporting you will be expected to support him to some degree.

      Welcome to the forum. I would suggest you look in the phone book or online for a free half hour consultation with a family law lawyer to get more information.

      Comment


      • #4
        Actually my husband earns more than me and his parents are well off too. He has good education and doing well in his career, so far. But I am not sure if there is any mental degradation happening to me. In his 30 years of life, he had only 7 seizures (in India he was getting a strong prescription) but now in the last year he had eight. So if things get out of control in future and he needs support, will I be still accountable to support him?

        Comment


        • #5
          It depends on how long you were married, how much more income he makes and how good his lawyer would be in building a case for it if he chooses to go that path. His parents have nothing to do with it however.

          If you can both have a good standard of living separate and apart then there may not be a case for any spousal support.

          Comment


          • #6
            I meant to say- he is entitled to good parental/ ancestral wealth.

            And thanks for your advice, I will try to book an appointment with family law lawyer.

            Comment


            • #7
              Inheritances or potential inheritances don't usually figure into divorce in Canada.

              If he earns more than you, you would not have to pay spousal support to him at divorce, and the smart thing to do would be to have a clause in the separation agreement that he forever waives his right to it, no matter what happens to him.

              The fact that he concealed his illness from you is irrelevant to the divorce process.

              Comment

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