I've been separated for 7 months, living in matrimonial home with toddler. Mediation is booked for feb 15. I have great and likely naive hopes of settling on an equity payout for the house and a shared parenting agreement with my home as primary residence. There was some serious emotional and psychological abuse/manipulation at times in a nutshell nothing was ever his fault and because I have a history of depression I am clearly the one with all the problems. He is never wrong, never says sorry, never takes responsibility for his own mistakes. Tried extensive counselling but could not make headway. Finally separated and cut off most communication.
THE POINT: now after a seven month break I miss him. I don't want to give up entirely. I believe we could only live together again with distinct separate space eg his "apartment" is in the basement and kitchen is shared. To protect myself I want the separation agreement signed before I tell him I want to keep trying eg counselling - even if only to develop a better friendship for parenting. I'm probably having some kind of normal reaction to the approaching mediation and possible finality. WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS WILL THE SEPARATION AGREEMENT STAND EVEN IF WE (eventuAlly) COHABIT AGAIN? we both have our issues and shortcomings. The difference is that I admit to and work on mine. I fantasize about seeing the day he has his own epiphany and realizes its not the end of the world to say you were wrong, you made a mistake, you are sorry. Ironically it counts for nothing to him when I do those things - he only wants a guarantee the problem at issue will NEVER happen again. Who can promise that?! Anyhow, I'm really surprised and confused about my impulses to call him, his mother, friends, and try to make one last ditch effort to basically do an "intervention" type wake up call. Grow up or lose our family forever! Sigh. This should probably go to a different post section sorry. Really lost is the delusional warm and fuzzy memories and blocking out the regular hell that predominated. Why can't I or someone, anyone , show him that he needs to make some changes?! It really is like confronting an addict in denial.
THE POINT: now after a seven month break I miss him. I don't want to give up entirely. I believe we could only live together again with distinct separate space eg his "apartment" is in the basement and kitchen is shared. To protect myself I want the separation agreement signed before I tell him I want to keep trying eg counselling - even if only to develop a better friendship for parenting. I'm probably having some kind of normal reaction to the approaching mediation and possible finality. WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS WILL THE SEPARATION AGREEMENT STAND EVEN IF WE (eventuAlly) COHABIT AGAIN? we both have our issues and shortcomings. The difference is that I admit to and work on mine. I fantasize about seeing the day he has his own epiphany and realizes its not the end of the world to say you were wrong, you made a mistake, you are sorry. Ironically it counts for nothing to him when I do those things - he only wants a guarantee the problem at issue will NEVER happen again. Who can promise that?! Anyhow, I'm really surprised and confused about my impulses to call him, his mother, friends, and try to make one last ditch effort to basically do an "intervention" type wake up call. Grow up or lose our family forever! Sigh. This should probably go to a different post section sorry. Really lost is the delusional warm and fuzzy memories and blocking out the regular hell that predominated. Why can't I or someone, anyone , show him that he needs to make some changes?! It really is like confronting an addict in denial.
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