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Tips for dealing with OCL and Private Assessors

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  • #91
    InvolvedDad, I have read again, and your comment:

    "I knew that a lawyer would be appointed, you can explain to your children that a judge will order equal time with both parents, but I wouldn't say much more.
    You can google advocacy for children, and give them materials, on that. But don't coach children and don't involve them in adult conflict."


    caught my eye.... the lawyer was already observing the boys ate my place and hers as well, I guess the next step for him will be having me bring to boys to his office, then she as well. (at least what he has told me)

    I have no question that the boys want to be with me more, but how can I possibly say to them "the judge will order 50/50 if you only say so" (or whatever) I feel so bad for them to be in this mess, I dont want them to get involved but also feel that they need to know that it may be a very important meeting. I have no clue what she is telling the kids!

    What CAN I say to them, what can I NOT say!?

    Thank you!

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    • #92
      Originally posted by tmsrtl View Post
      InvolvedDad, I have read again, and your comment:

      "I knew that a lawyer would be appointed, you can explain to your children that a judge will order equal time with both parents, but I wouldn't say much more.
      You can google advocacy for children, and give them materials, on that. But don't coach children and don't involve them in adult conflict."

      caught my eye.... the lawyer was already observing the boys ate my place and hers as well, I guess the next step for him will be having me bring to boys to his office, then she as well. (at least what he has told me)

      I have no question that the boys want to be with me more, but how can I possibly say to them "the judge will order 50/50 if you only say so" (or whatever) I feel so bad for them to be in this mess, I dont want them to get involved but also feel that they need to know that it may be a very important meeting. I have no clue what she is telling the kids!

      What CAN I say to them, what can I NOT say!?

      Thank you!
      What you should say is: "You are going to meet with the lawyer who is going to ask you some questions about living arrangements. That lawyer doesn't work for mommy or daddy, he works for you. Be very honest in how you answer questions, don't be afraid to share what you think."

      If you attempt to coach, as your ex may, it will probably come across that way and could backfire.

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      • #93
        I appreciate very very much your feedback on that! I certainly don't want to put pressure on the kids.... I just hope to be able to say something (your hint), making them know that this is important!

        It is a fine line to walk on, but then again, are the kids old enough with their 10 and 12 years to make this call?

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        • #94
          **********************
          Last edited by involveddad75; 02-24-2014, 04:25 PM. Reason: Found post.

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          • #95
            When a lawyer is appointed by the OCL, they are only to provide preferences of the children, thats it.

            Remember custody and access are decided by section 24 merits of custody and access.
            So if the preferences come back that the children want equal time, then your argument is that the children's preferences should be given a lot of weight.

            If the lawyer comes back and reports that the children prefer less or for things to remain the same then your argument is that the view and preferences of the children are one aspect of the merits of custody and access as such should be given little weight, and that the other areas of section 24 are more important.

            This is what ligation is all about, providing your side of the argument in as clear and concise way.

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            • #96
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              • #97
                thank you so much "involveddad75"..... let me tell you, I have a lot of respect that you do all this work here for other people in the same position and did not forget! Thank you, I dont know you, but I believe you are a fine man!

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                • #98
                  Hello "involveddad75"

                  me newest feeling about her strategy is now, that she will use my son's (10) ADHD for as a tool to limit their nights with me. Doctor told me that too much back and forth over night maybe not good for him, but then they should see dad every day (which of course she did NOT mention). I am also truly positive the boys want to be with me more than now. What my little one really struggles with, I do not know, it may just be the fact of his parents splitting, but of course great tool for her.

                  What is your opinion on that? Give me some good hints please! Is not a week on and off not the best thing for the boys in this case? I would think so!

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                  • #99
                    There are many schedules that would work for your children and children with ADHD. I can tell you the need to have both parent is very important.

                    What doctor told you this? Was it medical family doctor, or another kind of doctor?

                    PM me

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                    • The doctor saying that was his pediatrician. Ex also claims now anxiety on top of his adhd, but couldn't that all be caused not having his dad and mom anymore equally?

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                      • Just saw
                        Your pm note, sorry

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