School released info my STBX didn't want me to have...

[SingingDad]

Hi everyone,

So here's the scenario:

1) In her brief for our settlement conference my STBX inferred that I was not getting the kids to school on time.

2) I contacted the school and had them email me the days that my kids had been late (and they hadn't been since the first week of October).

3) The problem is that it included the telephone number my STBX has kept secret from me (she has kept a separate PAYG phone for communicating with me).

4) I would like to send this report to her lawyer, as proof that they haven't been late, but don't want my STBX to think I asked for it to get this phone number (for the record I will continue to contact at the other number until she tells me otherwise).

Should I provide the report or not? I didn't ask for that information, but it was included with the information I had asked for. Would it be wrong to redact the phone number from the report and then send it?

[Mess]

If this were me, I wouldn't bother getting into back and forth with her lawyer. It won't get you anywhere.

If she wants to make an issue about getting the kids to school late, let her. She will take you to court, file an application with all kinds of accusations, and she won't know that you already have the documentation to refute her accusations. Then she looks like an ass.

So keep this to yourself for now.

If you want to settle, make a reasonable offer and don't bother with a lot of evidence going back and forth. That is a waste of time and money.

The process is not about proving your ex wrong at this point. That will wait for trial. Right now, ignore her accusations and just make a reasonable offer.

Don't hand over all of your evidence to her now. What will happen, she will find new things to complain about, and you will have to find new evidence. Let her sit and be smug and she'll think she has it all sewn up. But you have all need to shut her down. Don't show your hand until all the bets are in.

[involveddad75]

I would say you submit it in its original form.
Your entitled to all the information the school has on your child including all contacts for emergency purposes. Unless a court order states you can't communicate with the school. I assume that there is no order for that.

You always want to submit the form in its original condition, any redlining or blacking out draws attention to the area in question.
If she makes such a claim you can simply get the school to issue you a letter stating they gave you the information you requested which was attendance records. They made the allegation that you were late, you provided proof that you haven't.
End of story.

I wouldn't worry about what the other parent says about you; generally the courts don't really take it into account. Unless there is absolute proof.
For instance in my case I was accused of sending one of "our" children home without shoes on. Mom gave a date and time of the exchange. Her mother again stated the something in another affidavit. I had video of the exchange and I checked, oh there are her cute little pink high tops in the corner of the video. The courts do care about this sort of thing.
Focus on what is important and focus on your story not defending yourself from her allegations.
I once got 5 affidavits from different people and was short served. I think in total there were something like 86 pages of allegations.
I responded to all allegations in my affidavit which was 4 pages longs.
Page 1 -2 was how I was a good parent, what I did for the children, and how I see my future involved with the children. All framed around the children. NOT WHAT I WANTED BUT WHAT THE CHILDREN DESERVE."
Ie. The children have benefited from my involvement, we go on walks together, and I show them things like if you add soap to water and blow into a straw it makes bubbles. Etc. etc.
I then had one page answering the allegations.
This is in responce to the affidavit by _____ dated _______
a. I deny all except the following
b. I admit the following: 1,2,30, 50,67
c. I have no knowledge of the following: (any paragraph that contains a reference that you were present for goes here. Such as a conversation between mom and teacher, or mom and her mother.) You weren't there you can't comment.
d. I alleged the following:
a. If there are grave errors that you feel have to be answered to do it here.

You do this for all the allegations.
Very quick and just paragraph numbers
Then I had 1 page of how my ex and I have worked together and how I hope that once litigation is over we can build on our trust and communication.
You want to come across in everything you do both inside of documents, in the court house, and outside at the McDonalds that you are the most reasonable parent, and the most flexible parent. But that you are staying involved in our children's lives.

[wretchedotis]

When you play poker, do you tell everyone that you have a royal flush? Or do you let them go 'all in'?

That is your decision.

[involveddad75]

When you play poker, do you tell everyone that you have a royal flush? Or do you let them go 'all in'?

That is your decision.

I agree, I didn't tell my ex that I knew who the 5 call to CAS was or what happened. I didn't tell my ex's lawyer that I knew CAS would remain neural on parenting and not side with mom. I let her lawyer call the CAS as her witnesses.

[Rioe]

I'm pretty sure the issue he's asking about is what he should do about learning her super-sekrit phone number.

I would do what you intended to do with the report had it not contained the number. Probably best to hold onto it until needed. If the ex complains about the phone number, just shrug and say the report is as the school provided it. Then it's up to her to go to the trouble of changing numbers if she is bothered by you having it.

Although, she might get on the school's case and make them more paranoid about sharing information with you.

[SingingDad]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I think I'm going to hold onto it right now until I need it (hey maybe I won't). This is our third sitting of this settlement conference (others were in July and Oct last year) with the purpose primarily being for me to regain joint custody (as per OCL recommendations) and my STBX is trying to go back on the previous agreement, so I probably will need it.

[wretchedotis]

I'm pretty sure the issue he's asking about is what he should do about learning her super-sekrit phone number.

I would do what you intended to do with the report had it not contained the number. Probably best to hold onto it until needed. If the ex complains about the phone number, just shrug and say the report is as the school provided it. Then it's up to her to go to the trouble of changing numbers if she is bothered by you having it.

Although, she might get on the school's case and make them more paranoid about sharing information with you.

Why on earth would you REPORT you have some information...

Just do not call it, and respect their wishes in that respect.

[SingingDad]

involveddad75 I haven't been served with any true affidavit's yet, but that is how I plan to deal with them when they do come. I have a bunch of stuff in her initial application that I have already refuted with evidence, but she continues to include all those paragraphs in every brief she submits.

[mcdreamy]

You can't unring the bell. I would use the report for your original purposes, if you want to.

[wretchedotis]

Why on earth would you REPORT you have some information...

Just do not call it, and respect their wishes in that respect.

Oops. My bad. I mis-read the post above mine.