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  • #1
    The fact is that your are both involved in the child life and should remain involve.

    Divorce turns often in a competion on who is the better parent. Truth is that both may bring a different aspect to the life of the child but are equally important. When you are in couple, you often split the responsibility as you rely on your partner to represent you. When you have more than one child, you face school meeting conflict so you split who see which teacher ...

    I found so sad that people have to document what they do in the child life. The fact that she is working so hard to put you down will work against herself.

    You really just have to say that you havebeen there for the child, can still be there and dedicate the time to the child. The reality is that KG is optionnal and the child can start directly in grade 1. Therefore that should not have much weight but stress on everyone.


    • #2
      Stop looking over the fence. Mind your own garden.


      • #3
        Originally posted by wretchedotis View Post
        Stop looking over the fence. Mind your own garden.
        ^^^^^^ That's the only advice you need to follow.So what if your ex says this that or the other.Focus on your relationship with the child.Kindergarten counts for little in terms of education.Your daughters health excused all absences.Do yourself a favour and stop listening to your ex, and her opinion on how the court is going to view anything.


        • #4
          This can't be your biggest problem at the moment. What your ex does or does not say in a text message no less is of no consequence. My ex used to text me all kinds of garbage. Because it's WRITTEN, so it shall be?? I don't think so.

          Your daughter missed most of KG and for a damn good reason. Surely, between the doctors, hospital staff, teachers etc you have enough people who witnessed your presence in your daughter's life during this major health crisis. Who cares what your ex says? She really does know how to push your buttons. The question is, how long are you going to play along with the nonsense?

          Rise above the BS. You have *no* control over what she says or writes in a text message. ZERO... The upside is, that you DO have control over yourself, and your reactions. Unless of course you're going to keep allowing her to control your reactions :/


          • #5
            I tried to send you a message Iceberg but your box is full! Can you let me know when it is not please?


            • #6
              I'd take your ex's recent emails as an indication that she is feeling pretty insecure about her position.

              I'd ignore emails and don't respond to them. They are ridiculous - we're talking about a kid in kindergarten not high school.

              She's trying to suck you into another email war. Ignore her.


              • #7
                "She is now dedicated her time to teach the child how to read and so on. She is trying to steal from me what I already thought the child, counting, alphabet etc, but at the worst it will come he said she said."

                Again, who cares what she's doing? This is not your concern. Worry only about what YOU are doing. The "he said/she said" does not matter in Court. It comes down to facts and credibility. It really sounds as though both of you are in a competition or what some refer to as a pissing match. The child will learn from both of you, this is not a CONTEST.

                Short of her having something really bad to blackmail you with, there is NO reason for you to tolerate or entertain any of this. Toleration is validation. Once you engage in responses to stupid texts and other allegations, you are part of the problem. I'm not just preaching here. I am someone that at one time, did get sucked in to the BS and text msg wars. I see now, that it was wrong of me to participate in such foolishness and it only further stressed me out.

                My ex and I don't talk. Maybe it's not the ideal that ex's should strive for, but it sure works for me and I love the silence. Stick to email only and don't respond to the stupidity. You can be a part of ending the "drama."


                • #8
                  Iceberg, I hope you are reading the other threads on this site and not just the ones you post.

                  If not, here is a link you should really read:


                  It is hard to say if any of the allegations you make regarding the parent are "truthful". But, if the other parent is making such unfounded and dangerous allegations it would be worth your time and effort to retain a lawyer to help align the evolving jurisprudence on "parental allegations of miss conduct" such as the ones you commonly post on this forum.

                  It is difficult for me to provide any feedback as you have admitted that you have an anxiety disorder so, it is hard to tell if what you are stating is "over anxiety" about the situation or actual truthful quotes taken directly from communications (in writing) sent to you.

                  It is hard to tell what is an "interpretation" of what was said to you are a direct quote of what was said to you. As much as possible I highly encourage you to reduce communications to salient and relevant matters and not allow the other party to leverage your anxiety issues against you in a negative way.

                  You need to become very self aware of how what is said to you impacts your emotional state. So, they will state things in an extreme manner to get an emotional reaction from you.

                  You truly should consider seeking legal counsel.

                  Good Luck!


                  • #9
                    Originally posted by iceberg View Post
                    She asked me once if I would let her use phone-video in the morning so she can wake up the child to school because she would like to wake her up for school. I said OK.
                    OMG. You have some serious problems with judgement if you permitted that.

                    Is your judgement clouded by your enxiety? From what you have published on this forum to date, I'd say definitely yes.


                    • #10
                      Originally posted by iceberg View Post
                      She asked me once if I would let her use phone-video in the morning so she can wake up the child to school
                      Originally posted by dinkyface View Post
                      OMG. You have some serious problems with judgement if you permitted that.
                      I agree that may be the case.

                      As for the following, how is she relaying these questions to you. Can't you just not answer/hang up the phone or just ignore if it's by text or e-mail?

                      Originally posted by iceberg View Post
                      She also asks at least once per day did the child eat, poop, tells me not to let her play video games (while she got her an ipad), tells me watch the child......just like if we were talking about an infant and I was new at it.


                      • #11
                        Originally posted by iceberg View Post
                        Thanks for the link but it would make you more respected if your replies were more respectful.
                        I challenge you to identify how my statement of "hope" for you is "not respectful".

                        Originally posted by iceberg View Post
                        WTF is this supposed to mean? First of all, what every member writes about her/his self, no one can guarantee it is truth. But in that case you either choose to believe and respond, or ignore. You,however, said that I am possibly lying.
                        If you haven't figured it out. I am more on the "choose not to believe you" side of the fence. As many of the situations you describe are very "mountain out of mole hill" situations from my perspective.

                        Sadly, your story over time is getting rather complex to track and there are some crossing allegations and time frames posted to this site that are not adding up in your threads. Also, you use very anxious statements in your response and take constructive criticism of your concerns and directions to elements of case law that may be helpful to you in a very aggressive and negative way quite often.

                        Originally posted by iceberg View Post
                        Will look into that, but keep in mind she is only throwing little stones comparing to her "guns" when it comes to court.
                        As you used the "rocks" anology I provide this link in response to your "concerns"

                        The important things in life | Moral Stories

                        A philosophy professor stood before his class with some items on the table in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 2 inches in diameter.

                        He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

                        So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.

                        He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

                        The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
                        He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “Yes.”

                        “Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

                        The pebbles are the other things that matter – like your job, your house, your car.

                        The sand is everything else. The small stuff.”

                        “If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued “there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life.

                        If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal.

                        Take care of the rocks first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”
                        Originally posted by iceberg View Post
                        Are you saying that my anxiety impairs my sanity? It does raise my fears, triples them maybe, but who would make up stuff such as that other parent puts me down? She said worse things that I don't want to mention here and you question my "truthfulness" because I have anxiety?
                        I can't say anything as I don't know you. I question if your anxiety causes you to interpret minor incidents with extremely unbalanced emotional reactions. I question if that impairs your cognitive functioning and if there are ways you can better manage your anxiety. That is all. Your sanity is for you and your registered clinician to determine. One would question what this clinician would say to your participation on this site and if your participation has come up in your therapy though and if it is to your benefit.

                        Good Luck!


                        • #12
                          Tayken is a smart girl.

                          For some reason, I think she is a girl. I am probably wrong.

                          But anyways.... that person (on this stage) exhibits traits of someone whom is very intelligent.

                          You may, as most people do, mistake that for a lack of social skills. Therefore, that person often seems 'rude' .

                          I implore you to ignore your emotional response to his/her responses- and look itno the logic behind it.


                          • #13
                            I don't think you should call CAS because you can't get along with your ex. The two of you got into an argument at a dental appointment.

                            You can't seem to keep yourself from fighting with your ex. I don't even think a lawyer would be able to help you because you probably would go against any advice given to you.

                            With that in mind I would recommend you simply document everything and bring the issue up the next time you are in court.

                            I hope this recent verbal outburst didn't take place in the presence of your daughter or the dentist.

                            I expect you will continue to have this same problem for the years to come because you won't disengage from arguing. What a lousy way to live.


                            • #14
                              You do realize that this comment "During the chekup she asked me"when are you going to sign those school papers"? I said never, lets make an agreement." WAS/IS confrontational and intended by you, to provoke her.

                              A more suitable response would have been "now is not the time to discuss this, but I will send you an email."

                              It may be that she is the far more combative/unreasonable parent but I think what has emerged here of late, is that you both play games to anger one another.

                              Disengage. Why are you not listening to what everyone is telling you? Let *her* act like a fool, and lie through *her* teeth. You do not have to participate in any of it, but you participate willingly. Great: you got her on recorder, but who will listen to it??

                              My ex lied right through our entire process and Trial. Judges aren't stupid. They can spot who has credibility and who does not from a mile away. My ex and all his lies, didn't fool anyone, least of all the Judge.

                              You instigated what happened today at the dentist appointment. That is not to say her reaction was right, or reasonable but it WAS the reaction YOU were looking for. Can you not stop yourself? You will both look like fools in Court if you keep that up.

                              Just b/c she SAYS something does not make it the Gospel Truth. She shakes your apparent lack of confidence quite easily. This is something that you need to address with yourself. Sep and Divorce really does suck, but when former partners are antagonizong one another, that makes it 10x worse.

                              I don't know much about motions but I doubt yours will be deemed an emergency. Contempt? Good Luck with that. I think you should re-think your entire game plan and completely disengage from frivolous and juvenile interactions with her. If you keep this up, you will be shooting yourself in the foot.
                              Last edited by hadenough; 01-15-2013, 01:32 AM.


                              • #15
                                Iceberg, take the time to re-read the posts without replying. Ex's have a way of getting under our skin, that is why we're separated/divorced. Focus on keeping the crap away from your child, stop arguing with your ex and live your life.

                                Get that Bill Eddy stuff under your belt fast! (Look it up in the forum)


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