Talking to lawyers..

[Henry]

Seperated over two years and going through the motions of do- it - yourself divorce. Ex has a lawyer and so do I. Mine knows that he is there to look over sep. agreements etc and that when all is dusted I will obtain court divorce papers myself and off we go.

My question is, can my ex's lawyer refuse to correspond or have any dealings with me (personally) at all, creating a situation of letters between lawyers which rack up the costs.

There are no big issues or fighting between my ex and myself, just jostling for position mostly.

Thank you for any advice.

[FightingForFamily]

If you are represented you are not supposed to engage the other parties counsel at all. It is bad conduct. If your lawyer is not retained as a representative and only providing ILA that might be different.

[Henry]

Thanks, in my case would it be preferable to have my lawyer retained as a representative, or as source for ILA. Mine is not a divorce lawyer as such and seems to be happy in whatever way I direct him. I have not paid him a retainer for his services and as far as I know he has only sent two emails to the ex's lawyer.

[Mess]

When I first separated I knew nothing and went to a neighbourhood lawyer who did wills, real estate, and such. He knew next to nothing about divorce, but said he'd had a couple of divorcing clients before.

I asked him a few questions about custody and support, questions that any family lawyer would have answered in seconds, and in fact that I now answer in seconds for people here. He said he'd research it and it took him two weeks to get an answer for me.

He gave me some very negative advice, saying as a man I would never get custody and should just keep it simple and walk away from it all. Of course I now have joint custody/shared parenting, and the for the judge it was a slam dunk to give it to me.

My experience was probably a worst case, but I'd be very careful with lawyers who are not trained in family law. In terms of asking questions like how to word an offer, how to file something in the court, etc. they can be fine. If you are using them as anything more than a law clerk/notary (and hopefully not paying $400/hr for the priviledge) then get a proper divorce lawyer.

There is such a thing as "Limited Retainer." These are not heavily advertised and a lot of lawyers won't want to operate under them. It means that the lawyer will accept being served documents for you (nice because you don't want to be served at work etc.) and will send letters on their letterhead. They will answer questions when you ask but you will be doing all or most of the work on your own file. You will be writing the responses, etc. and they will sent/filed by your lawyer.

[billm]

Interview and pick a family lawyer that you like.

If you need them now, pay a retainer (or whatever you agree on) and tell your lawyer that they DO NOT represent you, that you are representing yourself at this time. You only want them for advice. Eventually you will need them to provide ILA for your separation agreement.

Then tell your ex and their lawyer that you are SELF REPRESENTED. If they find out that you do have a lawyer picked out, make it clear that they do not represent you.

This is what I did. It took a few emails with ex's lawyer to tell them clearly that yes, I have a lawyer if I need one, but at this time I was self represented and any and all correspondence is to be sent to me and me alone - my ex's lawyer didn't like it, but that was not their call.

In the end (I seem to be close to divorce finally), I represented myself, and confident that all things were done fair, and my lawyer sent me well over half my retainer a year ago because I have not contacted him for years.

I'll have to contact him for ILA on my final separation agreement (which I will pay him minimally to review). Otherwise I saved a lot of money. I did spend a lot of time learning (here etc) and representing myself (no court, just a case conference) - but more than worth it. My ex spent thousands on lawyer and got no where - she should have figured it out herself and realized that we were doing things fairly.

[Henry]

Very good advice so far, thank you. My (male) lawyer is an older and very experienced family lawyer, who seems supportive of the route that I would like to take. My ex's lawyer is female and somewhat fiesty (no doubt smelling blood) who sent me a somewhat pointed letter containing some rather dubious and legally non relevant facts, which I would love to reply to, but have not.

There are no small children custody issues here, only some hidden RRSP's of my ex's which we are currently trying to tease out.

Like I wrote here, I would like to stay on top of things and follow procedure, but do not want to spend any more money on this then I have to. Great to read of others experiences.

[kidsRworthit]

Very good advice so far, thank you. My (male) lawyer is an older and very experienced family lawyer, who seems supportive of the route that I would like to take. My ex's lawyer is female and somewhat fiesty (no doubt smelling blood) who sent me a somewhat pointed letter containing some rather dubious and legally non relevant facts, which I would love to reply to, but have not.

There are no small children custody issues here, only some hidden RRSP's of my ex's which we are currently trying to tease out.

Like I wrote here, I would like to stay on top of things and follow procedure, but do not want to spend any more money on this then I have to. Great to read of others experiences.

Billm and Henry,

I very much wish to self represent and like yourselves, have learned immensely thus far from this site and being inquisitive. Our first pass at mediation seemed fine, however my ex would not sign the FINAL, FINAL Separation Agreement.

I have used my existing family law lawyer, a senior lawyer who is very competent, however; I completed the first case conference, and sense the relative deep pockets of my ex (subsidized in turn by her bf) will validate bringing forward motions, again, and again. I do not have this deep pocket luxury and cannot continue visiting court paying for counsel.

So, I realize my only long term strategy is to pursue self rep, and seemingly consult this site; and ILA (only when really necessary) to ensure my counter motion for status quo 50/50 shared parenting is acknowledged.