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Custody, Work, Travel, Court and Extortion

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  • Custody, Work, Travel, Court and Extortion

    Back again. I had thought I'd sorted out my divorce, but I guess not, at least not to the satisfaction of my ex. Currently we have been separated for 2 years and we have two children (3 & 5). We went through mediation, came up with an agreement and have shared custody. I live 30 minutes from my ex and the school my son goes to, I have the kids Sun/Mon/Tue and Wed, though Wed is currently up for debate with my ex, even though our agreement says "Wednesday" (she think Wed means she gets custody the moment I drop my daughter off at daycare, I disagree). My 3 yr old stays home with me Mon/Tue while my son goes to school.The kids go to daycare on Wed/Thu/Fri. I drive my son to school without issue (i.e. never late).

    With our mediated agreement my ex kind of screwed me. She said she could not afford to pay what she owed me on the matrimonial home, so we worked out a long term payment plan, starting in 2014. She then went and sold the house and spent all the money (new house, new car, new furniture, etc.) now she can't afford much, including paying me back on the house. She also owes me child-support, which she's never paid a single cent (she was a lab manager and made more than me so I worked part-time and watched the kids during the day), though I've never attempted to collect, in a misguided attempt to keep the peace.

    Now for some interesting stuff. My ex and I worked together at a university research lab. In Jan 2012 she wasn't happy with our agreement and started complaining to everyone at work. She then filed an application in court (early Feb 2012) and 3 days after the filing I started receiving emails telling me to give up the kids and pay child support, otherwise "they" were going to hack my Facebook and Twitter accounts, as well as my website (I'm also an author) and post info about me (i.e calling me a deadbeat, etc.). They also contacted the Canadian Revenue Agency and reported me, though nothing came of that, and also threated to publish my income, which I assume they got that info from my ex. Plus a whole bunch of other extortive stuff (i.e. contacting my manager at work).

    Anyway, the police got involved but could not solve it, however I lost my job at the University. I had worked there for 6+ years, with no problems, and then my job became redundant shortly after some of the extortive emails were sent to my manager. They paid me a severance but I fully suspect that all of the above played a role, plus my lab supervisor was a close friend with my ex. The supervisor also left her email account logged in at work and I took the opportunity to check things out. There was some incriminating evidence, but nothing I could take to the police.

    My ex and I settled (March 2012) before I had to file in court, through another round of mediation. In September 2012 I went on a business trip to San Francisco, missing a couple days with the kids. My ex had previously been accommodating of my travel and we did make-up time with the kids if I'm gone for a while. I emailed her the week before and said I'd probably spend the Wednesday with our daughter instead of sending her to daycare. I did, and my ex flipped out and said I breached the agreement (she insists that the our daughter has to go to daycare on Wed). She reopened the court case and is seeking full custody.

    So now my questions.

    1. We have been in the current arrangement for 2 years, will the pretrial conference judge see that as status quo?

    2. Since out mediated agreement in not enforceable, can I seek to get full repayment of what my ex owes me on the house? She did sell it and should have paid me. (I'm hoping that if she realizes she owes me $30K and has to pay it this will put a stop on any further court proceedings). I really, really don't want, or have the time, to go to court.

    3. She hasn't paid any child support, should I file a motion to have her start paying before we do the pre-trial conference?

    4. I am going to ask her lawyer for permission to late file, I fully expect my ex to say no, though our mediator is the one who advised me not to file because we had reached an agreement that would be filed with the court. If she says no, how will the judge see that? I will need to file a motion obviously.

    5. How do I work travel into my career? It is an import source of income, but I don't want to give up my children. I have offered that for short trips I simply get a day or two of make up time. For longer stuff (i.e. 2 weeks in a month) I'll pay full child support for that month, but we must revert back to shared custody when I return. Is that fair and something a judge would consider?

    6. My ex took my tax information, that we agreed to exchange for CS reasons, and then took that private info and gave it to her friends (the extortive emails make specific references to my taxes). How will a judge see this? I have huge problems with this, and how do I protect my privacy?

    And for anyone who doesn't believe all this crap, my ex has PTSD, anxiety and depression. She is kind of scary, though very high functioning and intelligent. She actually feels she is a victim because I don't pay her child-support, though she actually owes me about $300 per month.

    And divorce sucks.

  • #2
    If you have a written agreement you can file it with the courts, it is then essentially a court order with all the same remedies.

    You can then file motions in accordance with the order.

    File a motion for child support. Be prepared to provide full financial disclosure and work information.

    Regarding her disclosing your private information to others, if you can prove it, there may be some remedy for you, but it is likely a civil court matter, not family court.

    For the house etc, she doesn't have to have the money until 2014. So if you file the agreement and file a motion for c/s, you could likely register with FRO for them to garnish her wages for repayment of the house monies and c/s.


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