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  • The right thing to do?

    4 years ago I went through a CL relationship (6 years long) that ended in a
    disaster with the mother visiting family in Ontario with our new born child
    only never to return to B.C where our home and jobs are.The move was made unilaterially and without my consent in the eyes of the court.

    The matter took a few years and 7 trips to court in Ont to and she was allowed to remain there with our child and i was and am a travelling father.

    I was ordered to pay CS and SS reduced because of the circumstances and very high access costs of 8 to 10k a year. The reduction at the time was 30%, now with some raises over time the reduction is 40%. The SS terminates next year.

    The situation is gradually improving with both parents working together and no return to court which is better for all.

    My question, she is asking for financial help with 1-bedding 2-small daycare costs 3-activities (sports) 4-school expenses(lunch) 5-money for presciptions that exceed my plan the child is on. 6-for me to pay the full table amount on CS.7-for me to continue to pay 50% of her intermet even though she now works(webcam access accross canada)

    any opinions on what would be fair and appropriate?, thx the Raven

  • #2
    Bedding and school lunches should be provided soley by her. After all, you do still pay cs. Sports activities are only shared if you want them to be. Above and beyond prescriptions usually are only split if they are significant (over $100/yr maybe?). As for the internet, if you still want webcam access it may be a good idea to continue to help, just to help avoid 'interruption'. I would not pay full table cs considering your travel expenses, UNLESS you work out some sort of deal that you'll pay table amount if she covers ALL traveling expenses .

    Comment


    • #3
      You pay offset c/s due to her unilateral decision to move. She can ask, but until a court orders me otherwise, I wouldn't. And if for some reason I did decide to agree, I wouldn't be continuing to pay for 1/2 her internet, and would say that she uses the extra as your contribution to activities and lunches (daycare is likely not going to be covered by it).

      The prescriptions, if they are over $100 after your coverage, should be split proportional to income.

      Bedding - your c/s covers your portion for this. Yes, you pay less than guideline amount, but why?....because they moved across the country effectively eliminating your ability to be an effective parent.

      Daycare costs - If it is for her to work, it is a s7 expense, and you should pay it proportional to income.

      Sports - if you agree to the child being involved, depending on the cost of the activity and each of your incomes, this could be a s7 expense and you would each pay proportionally to your incomes.

      Lunches - your c/s covers this.

      Internet - what does the court order state regarding internet? did it require you to contribute, or is that she just needs to have a webcam for the kid to be able to speak to you. If you've been doing this out of the goodness of your heart for the past years, you've set a good/bad precedent. Good in that you want to ensure you get to communicate with your child, but bad in that you've allowed your ex to grow accustomed to you paying 1/2. Personally, I would go by what the court order states. If you aren't required to pay, they've had long enough to get settled and get control of their expenses.

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      • #4
        First, disgusting for her to kidnap the child away from you - it's in the past, but I thought I'd mention that.

        Follow the court order regarding support.

        Your access costs are real and they affect the money available for CS - paying less than table CS is reasonable, as determined by the courts, and is a reality of the situation (that she created).

        So whatever CS you pay now or in the future, consider it to be appropriate and don't feel you need to 'kick in' more to compensate for paying less due to high access costs.

        I think of 'CS' as what you pay plus what her table amount is - this is the money that can be used monthly to raise the child.

        If you give her money for things that are covered by CS, then you are paying twice.

        So specific to her requests.
        1-bedding - No, this is covered by CS, you already paid for it.
        2-small daycare costs - Perhaps, daycare for work purposes is not covered by CS
        3-activities (sports) - Depends on the cost. Not all sports etc are section 7. If it is reasonable that for your combined incomes this cost is not extraordinary, then CS covers it.
        4-school expenses(lunch) - No, this is covered by CS, you already paid for it.
        5-money for presciptions that exceed my plan the child is on. - Only if over $100. Also she should be paying a portion of the plan.
        6-for me to pay the full table amount on CS. - No, follow court order which is reasonable - you are spending more that table CS if you consider your access costs.
        7-for me to continue to pay 50% of her intermet even though she now works(webcam access accross canada) - No, that is covered by CS, not to mention that everyone has internet regardless of having children or not - this one is a joke.

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        • #5
          webcam costs

          thanks for your responses so far, appreciated.

          I took her to court for webcam access and won, however the justice ordered me to pay half, so its ordered.

          since this time she has become much more flexible with the webcam

          thx Raven

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by raven70 View Post
            thanks for your responses so far, appreciated.

            I took her to court for webcam access and won, however the justice ordered me to pay half, so its ordered.

            since this time she has become much more flexible with the webcam

            thx Raven
            Then follow the order. If she has any specific expenses that may be s7 expenses, request that she forward you a copy of the invoice for the expense and you will pay your proporational share.

            Comment


            • #7
              In that case you should certainly keep paying half the internet. I would say not just because it is a court order (although that is more than enough reason) but also because if she ever stops co-operating with web cam communication, you have the order on your side and you have the ethical position on your side. You have been paying for internet communication with your child, you should be getting the communication.

              Daycare is a section 7 expense according to legislation, so it should be split proportionate to income. You should be paying a share of the AFTER TAX amount, your ex will get a significant deduction for it. Ballpark, you should pay a share of probably 70% of the up front cost.

              I agree with everyone else, bedding is part of regular child support.

              If you are willing to bend on something to co-operate, I would suggest bending on the sports activities, since this is a grey area and may or may not be a shared expense anyway.

              Comment


              • #8
                First, I think it is beyond horrible that a mother would do what she did and just pick up leave and not return--but it's history and it is your reality.

                I know there are table amounts, 30% here and 40% there, and raise increases and bedding and s7 and on and on,, BUT, if she is reasonable and you can keep this out of court, I strongly suggest you sit down with a pen in hand and work the numbers as to something that is fair considering the amount of travel you have to do and the costs involved.
                I would be as generous as you can without of course going overboard and just behave like an adult. As far as internet etc, I personally believe if the big picture is fair then there wont be nickle and diming where the money is spent as long as the child is well provided for and you have access.
                A child's well being should be the objective here and hopefully (even tho her departure was NOT reasonable) she will also behave as an adult and be respectful and fair.

                Comment

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