Settlement Conference in three weeks and lawyer doesn't return e-mails

[AlienatedDad]

I have a settlement conference scheduled in three weeks. Last I heard from my lawyer was about 3.5 weeks ago. I am very much in the dark about what is going on.

Aside from not hearing from her (despite a couple of requests), I have a very complex case and I am not sure my lawyer is up to it. I have had a custody evaluation completed (my lawyer has never dealt with a case like this, although she has dealt with the OCL).

My ex is a high-conflict personality who seems to enjoy the negative advocacy role that her lawyer provides (I wanted mediation, she went right to court). My lawyers says her court documents are the nastiest she has seen. Again, I don't think she understands high-conflict personalities.

My ex has violated the interim court order numerous times. My lawyer says not to worry about it, and that it will all be addressed at the settlement conference.

I am supposed to have joint custody over all of my children, but my ex doesn't tell me a thing about what is going on in their lives and makes unilateral decisions without any input from me. She has called the police on me for dropping the kids off in front of her house when I have visited (there is no restraining order), etc. I could on and on.

Anyway, I am get worried as the date approaches that I do not have appropriate representation. Wondering if I should change lawyers at this late date. If so, what are the costs of doing so? Can I be charged for my file? What will it cost to get a new lawyer up to speed on my case? I like my current lawyer, but me thinks she's not the pit bull I need to counter my ex and her lawyer.

Thanks for listening.

[Tayken]

I have a settlement conference scheduled in three weeks. Last I heard from my lawyer was about 3.5 weeks ago. I am very much in the dark about what is going on.

Aside from not hearing from her (despite a couple of requests), I have a very complex case and I am not sure my lawyer is up to it. I have had a custody evaluation completed (my lawyer has never dealt with a case like this, although she has dealt with the OCL).

My ex is a high-conflict personality who seems to enjoy the negative advocacy role that her lawyer provides (I wanted mediation, she went right to court). My lawyers says her court documents are the nastiest she has seen. Again, I don't think she understands high-conflict personalities.

My ex has violated the interim court order numerous times. My lawyer says not to worry about it, and that it will all be addressed at the settlement conference.

I am supposed to have joint custody over all of my children, but my ex doesn't tell me a thing about what is going on in their lives and makes unilateral decisions without any input from me. She has called the police on me for dropping the kids off in front of her house when I have visited (there is no restraining order), etc. I could on and on.

Anyway, I am get worried as the date approaches that I do not have appropriate representation. Wondering if I should change lawyers at this late date. If so, what are the costs of doing so? Can I be charged for my file? What will it cost to get a new lawyer up to speed on my case? I like my current lawyer, but me thinks she's not the pit bull I need to counter my ex and her lawyer.

Thanks for listening.

1. It is a Settlement Conference, no substantive issue can be dealt with at a Conference. Read the Family Law Rules and countless other postings on this message board regarding this fact.

2. The judge is powerless at a Settlement conference to make any order on a substantive issue without consent from BOTH parties. If you have an issue that cannot be resolved you instruct your lawyer to request a TECHNICAL request for the matter to be be heard on a *preemptive motion* or *schedule trial* for the next trial sitting. January would be your best bet but, you have to have SUBSTANTIAL conflict to get into that sitting in my honest opinion.

3. Don't consent to anything you don't agree with. Read up on the Rules, CLRA and other important aspects. Get educated NOW. You don't have to rely on your lawyer to seek out answers.

4. If you consent to anything FINAL and you don't like it. Tough luck you should have gone to trial or a preemptive motion. Fear is your worst enemy at a time like this. If you go in with fear they will play on your anxieties at the Settlement Conference and you will walk out unhappy and with the short end of the stick.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[AlienatedDad]

Thanks. I have been trying to educate myself, but life gets in the way. I will read more of the posts on this forum.

Finally heard from my lawyer today. She said that she has been too busy to respond for the last three weeks. Only a few weeks until settlement conference and there is no way that I will feel comfortable by that time. These are huge decisions, as we all know, and ones that will last a lifetime. I am going to ask her to postpone the settlement conference and she can take responsibility for not getting me ready in time. Having other deadlines is not a good excuse to leave a client hanging.

[Tayken]

Thanks. I have been trying to educate myself, but life gets in the way. I will read more of the posts on this forum.

Finally heard from my lawyer today. She said that she has been too busy to respond for the last three weeks. Only a few weeks until settlement conference and there is no way that I will feel comfortable by that time. These are huge decisions, as we all know, and ones that will last a lifetime. I am going to ask her to postpone the settlement conference and she can take responsibility for not getting me ready in time. Having other deadlines is not a good excuse to leave a client hanging.

Again, nothing substantive can be "ordered" at a Conference and anything you are uncomfortable should not be agreed to on CONSENT without a full understanding of what you are agreeing to. Otherwise, if the facts are in dispute it should go on pre-emptive motion on both parties.

Warning: A judge will NOT accept your excuse that you didn't have time to understand what was going on. If the impact will "last a lifetime" a judge will not be friendly with you and any excuses you try to use.

[firhill]

I just had my settlement conference last week and there's really not a lot to "get ready" for. Honestly, it took me less than a day to complete, file and serve all the necessary documents.
The only thing the judge ordered was a pre-trial conference. Everything else the Judge said was either a suggestion or comment on how to get closer to a compromise.

Are you the Applicant or Respondent?

You know exactly what you want in your Offer to Settle, so make sure you are comfortable with how your Lawyer draws that up.

As Tayken said, asking for a postponement probably isn't wise as you will likely be liable for costs.

[AlienatedDad]

Thanks to you both. I am trying to educate myself. I was really on the ball about things up until this point.

I guess I am just not impressed with my lawyer at this point. I e-mailed her three weeks ago asking to tallk to her. Nothing until this week, and even then I had to prompt her. I really like her, but just don't think she is up to the task of handling a high conflict case (on the other side, not my side), nor is she famililar with custody evaluations (this is the first time she has seen one . . . although seh has used OCL before). She keeps telling me that everything will be worked out, but I am getting very fatiqued with the whole process (2.5 years now).

I am the respodent. I pulled the plug first and retained a lawyer, saying I wanted to go to mediation. She (true to form for a high-conflict person) went to court and filed.

There are a lot of issues to be worked out . . . most important for me is keeping joint custody of my kids (I am out-of-province and she has made even visiting them a very stressful situation). My lawyer right now is concerned with pension valuation.

Arrggh!!!

[caranna]

Anyway, I am get worried as the date approaches that I do not have appropriate representation. Wondering if I should change lawyers at this late date. If so, what are the costs of doing so? Can I be charged for my file? What will it cost to get a new lawyer up to speed on my case? I like my current lawyer, but me thinks she's not the pit bull I need to counter my ex and her lawyer.

Thanks for listening.

Since you like your present lawyer, it may be wise to set up an appointment to have a candid talk with her. Make a list of questions you want to ask, including a detailed list of questions regarding what her plans are regarding your case. Make sure the questions are to the point. Look very concerned and waste no time in issues that do not pertain to the matters at hand.

[AlienatedDad]

Since you like your present lawyer, it may be wise to set up an appointment to have a candid talk with her. Make a list of questions you want to ask, including a detailed list of questions regarding what her plans are regarding your case. Make sure the questions are to the point. Look very concerned and waste no time in issues that do not pertain to the matters at hand.

Thanks. I do like her, but feel like we are losing every battle. I have basically told her that I think she is out of her league. If facts and reasoned arguments prevail, I think we'll be okay. If it depends on pit bull lawyers, I think I'm sunk.

[arabian]

Case law is probably the most powerful tool in and out of the courtroom. My ex has had 3 aggressive, argumentative lawyers. My lawyer is calm, polite and knows and cites case law. We are successful.

A good lawyer also know how to manage clients. If you are needlessly racking up your own bill by constantly trying to contact your lawyer they will know how to deal with you. My lawyer has had to "manage" me from time to time. At first I get anxious and pissed off but in the end I am usually quite thankful. [we have joked about this from time to time].

[AlienatedDad]

Case law is probably the most powerful tool in and out of the courtroom. My ex has had 3 aggressive, argumentative lawyers. My lawyer is calm, polite and knows and cites case law. We are successful.

A good lawyer also know how to manage clients. If you are needlessly racking up your own bill by constantly trying to contact your lawyer they will know how to deal with you. My lawyer has had to "manage" me from time to time. At first I get anxious and pissed off but in the end I am usually quite thankful. [we have joked about this from time to time].

I hope you're right. I am constantly surprised that we are supposed to have laws in this country and yet so much seems to depend on the quality of lawyers that one is able to retain.

I am anxious right now. My lawyer did contact me and said that there is not much that has to be prepared for a settlement conference, and there would be no evidence presented. I try to minimize my contacts with my lawyer (avoiding the 6-minute billing increments). Usually I save up questions for her and try to get everything settled in a block of time instead.

I have plenty of evidence against my ex . . . it's just frustrating knowing that this may not come out or that it won't be presented properly. For 2.5 years she has threated me that everything she has against me with come out in court. So far, nothing. I don't think she has anything and is bluffing. I really can't think about what she could have against me. Any of my shortcomings as a father and a husband have been addressed, but she's high conflict and has lied or exaggerated facts to the custody evaluator, in her affidavits, etc. This I want to come out, but don't want to go through the emotional and financial expense of a trial.

Thanks for your advice.

[arabian]

I recall being where you were at the start of my separation/divorce. I was extremely anxious as I had no idea of the process and the maneuvering that would ensue. The lawyer I hired was only in his 30s and rather green at the time. I could have afforded someone who billed higher but I had heard horror stories about huge legal bills and didn't think that was necessary as I had all the documentation I required to deal with any issues that could arise. My lawyer has told me often that he appreciated how well-organized I was.

I think a big problem that people have is that they lie to their lawyers or, rather, lie by omission. Then the lawyer has to deal with the fallout. My ex continues to do this and it back fires on him each and every time. The facts he tries to present are either irrelevant or simply unsubstantiated. A colossal waste of money is all it comes down to.

If you have a lawyer who sticks to the rules and is confident that helps. If your lawyer doesn't stoop to dirty tactics then that is good as well. I can recall wishing my lawyer was a bit less rigid with the rules but in the end I can see it was well worth it. The old-style aggressive, histrionic old courtroom lawyer simply doesn't wash today. The new young lawyers of today are savy and sometimes more hands-on with their cases as they don't rely so much on secretaries and tend to do documents up themselves on their own computers. I like being able to sit across from my lawyer as he drafts up a document with my direct input. We don't meet very often (usually only once before a court case for my signature) but he is quite adept at emailing things to me which I really appreciate.

You are smart to keep an eye on the clock when you meet with your lawyer as I am quite sure the lawyer knows to the minute how long they spend with you. Don't short-change yourself in getting information specific to your plan of action (short and long term) as the way you approach things today can likely pave the way for you in the future.

Good luck and go now and do something nice for yourself.

[firhill]

.... and has lied or exaggerated facts to the custody evaluator, in her affidavits, etc. This I want to come out, but don't want to go through the emotional and financial expense of a trial.

I would think that may be to your advantage, if introduced as evidence at trial. If they are all lies and exaggerations she will have no proof to offer, being it never happened.
Judge will then dismiss them and duly note that she's a liar.

[AlienatedDad]

I recall being where you were at the start of my separation/divorce. I was extremely anxious as I had no idea of the process and the maneuvering that would ensue. The lawyer I hired was only in his 30s and rather green at the time. I could have afforded someone who billed higher but I had heard horror stories about huge legal bills and didn't think that was necessary as I had all the documentation I required to deal with any issues that could arise. My lawyer has told me often that he appreciated how well-organized I was.

I think a big problem that people have is that they lie to their lawyers or, rather, lie by omission. Then the lawyer has to deal with the fallout. My ex continues to do this and it back fires on him each and every time. The facts he tries to present are either irrelevant or simply unsubstantiated. A colossal waste of money is all it comes down to.

If you have a lawyer who sticks to the rules and is confident that helps. If your lawyer doesn't stoop to dirty tactics then that is good as well. I can recall wishing my lawyer was a bit less rigid with the rules but in the end I can see it was well worth it. The old-style aggressive, histrionic old courtroom lawyer simply doesn't wash today. The new young lawyers of today are savy and sometimes more hands-on with their cases as they don't rely so much on secretaries and tend to do documents up themselves on their own computers. I like being able to sit across from my lawyer as he drafts up a document with my direct input. We don't meet very often (usually only once before a court case for my signature) but he is quite adept at emailing things to me which I really appreciate.

You are smart to keep an eye on the clock when you meet with your lawyer as I am quite sure the lawyer knows to the minute how long they spend with you. Don't short-change yourself in getting information specific to your plan of action (short and long term) as the way you approach things today can likely pave the way for you in the future.

Good luck and go now and do something nice for yourself.

Thanks arabian. Good advice. I am going to talk to my lawyer ASAP. She basically said that the settlement conference doesn't require any evidence, so there is nothing we really have to get together. Basically we need a (realistic) wish list to present to the judge.

I have said that I would follow the high road throughout all of this process, and this is exactly what I have tried to do. If what I would like to do doesn't past the "in the best interests of the children" test, I won't do it. As much as I would like to stick it to her sometimes (mainly for causing so many problems hardships for the rest of my family, especially the kids, but also my parents, siblings and their spouses, etc), I simply won't.

I have been completely honest with my lawyer (and the custody evaluator, and the therapists, and everyone) so she shouldn't have any surprises. Of course, with my ex's penchant for hyperbole, I hope her lawyer is a little shocked by what he hears. Of course, he's the same lawyer who told her she didn't have to pay anything in the joint bank account when we were forced to live together for a year (I suspect he wanted to be paid first). Anyway, I digress. Thanks again.

[arabian]

You can digress anytime on here - it's not costing you a cent! Good luck!

[AlienatedDad]

I would think that may be to your advantage, if introduced as evidence at trial. If they are all lies and exaggerations she will have no proof to offer, being it never happened.
Judge will then dismiss them and duly note that she's a liar.

She lied to the custody evaluator and I provided proof that she had done so. She hacked into my e-mail account, gained access to a men's mental health forum that I was part of, etc. None of this was in his report. Curious omission I think!

All she would do when we had to live together was threaten me with evidence that would come to light when we went to trial (did I mention that she's high conflict). Some of my parting words to her where to bring it on, since she didn't have anything on me (aside from the lies and exaggerations as far as I can tell). Anyway, I think the facts are on my side and many others have also told me that facts and reason, not emotional reasoning, should prevail.

Thanks for taking the time to comment.