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Background for those that don't know my situation:
3 kids (10, 14, 16), separated 5 years, equal custody and access (2-2-5-5 access).
Paying support according to income, SS according to agreement, net family property equalized 4 years ago. Ex thinks I don't pay enough. Signed separation agreement that states equal shared access. No mobility clause. I have a comprehensive agreement ready to go, but ex is refusing to sign it. Her court application clearly states that custody and access is agreed to and 50/50 - she is going to court for more money only (though she just cancelled our settlement conference last week and I don't know why)
My ex is thinking of moving 3 hours away, she is now talking to kids about it and says they want to move too (though they have told me the opposite - she is putting them in the middle of what should be just our conversation). She states it is for economic reasons - cheaper housing. She has a good job here - no prospect to make more money elsewhere (we are in Toronto, she wants to move to our small home town).
My ex has moved 4 times since separation 5 years ago. I am in the same house for 12 years.
I don't want to move. It may reduce my income (self employed) and may significantly limit my ability to continue to find work and increase my income. I love my neighbourhood, my friends whose kids have grown up with mine. Also, I honestly believe it is not in my kids interest, or even close, to move.
I have a small place in our home town, the kids get there multiple times a year to see extended family etc - they have the best of both worlds.
My son is in the school his sisters went to for 10 years.
My daughters are in one of the best public high schools in the city - ranked about 70th out of 700 in Ontario, the home town's high school ranks about 500.
My oldest is in Grade 11, almost done high school.
The girls participate in a great all girl hockey league that is not available in the small town.
My kids utilize Toronto, and go to concerts and other events, starting to take public transit to explore.
My son plays lacrosse that is not available in the small town.
They all play soccer and hockey in leagues with kids they have come to know.
They have friendships here they have had since kindergarten.
My neighbourhood is safe, my ex lives only 1km away in a nice house.
We pay offset support and this year it is about $0 because I had a bad year last year - making my ex say she cannot afford her house (and how dare I put her in this situation). Since separation we have shared NDI 52/48, and I can afford my house, despite carrying a much larger mortgage and a second home, and getting through last year of low income and paying her high support.
Next year I will pay her significant CS again as my income has gone back to normal (self employed).
So what am I asking?
I would like advice on strong wording to send a letter to her stating that she cannot change my access without my agreement or without a court order (or other wording as advised). I would agree to increased access where the kids live with me for the most part, but I know she would not move if that were the case, and also, my kids need her as much as they need me.
I don't think it is a good idea that she moves, but really I want to focus on the kids and my access. I don't want to be forced to sell my house and move to keep access the same.
I want to know legally that her options are either to get my permission to change access, or to get a court order, and to state that clearly to her.
Also, what action should I take otherwise to minimize conflict yet retain my access and have the kids stay where they belong?
As a side note, I received a call from the Police today stating that she asked them to call me to tell me that her moving is none of my business, and that I should reduce my emails, and that I am not allowed on her property when I pick up the kids. She also lied and said I threatened her (over her dead body kind of threat) in a text to her over a year ago - I have never in any way threatened her (or anyone for that matter). I told the officer that we have been messaging each other for 5 years and I challenge my ex to show even one example of any threatening words or actions as I am simply not that type of person. It was the only time she has contacted the police.
I had a good conversation with the officer, but was surprised given that we have been freely walking in the entrance of each other's home for 5 years, we never argue face to face, our emails are argumentative, but within reason, and I stated to her clearly that she can move, I am only concerned with my access - all of my emails were in response to emails she sent me regarding the matter.
I was almost completely happy and felt that my ex no longer had a hold over me regarding divorce and money - and now I'm all stressed out again - I want predictability in mine and my kids lives!
Why does she want to move? My best guess is that yes she is tight on money, but has enough. She wants full CS from me, and she wants to move because she no longer has friends in our community as she dumped them all, and is looking to move to finally be happy - that 5th move always makes one happy doesn't it?
3 kids (10, 14, 16), separated 5 years, equal custody and access (2-2-5-5 access).
Paying support according to income, SS according to agreement, net family property equalized 4 years ago. Ex thinks I don't pay enough. Signed separation agreement that states equal shared access. No mobility clause. I have a comprehensive agreement ready to go, but ex is refusing to sign it. Her court application clearly states that custody and access is agreed to and 50/50 - she is going to court for more money only (though she just cancelled our settlement conference last week and I don't know why)
My ex is thinking of moving 3 hours away, she is now talking to kids about it and says they want to move too (though they have told me the opposite - she is putting them in the middle of what should be just our conversation). She states it is for economic reasons - cheaper housing. She has a good job here - no prospect to make more money elsewhere (we are in Toronto, she wants to move to our small home town).
My ex has moved 4 times since separation 5 years ago. I am in the same house for 12 years.
I don't want to move. It may reduce my income (self employed) and may significantly limit my ability to continue to find work and increase my income. I love my neighbourhood, my friends whose kids have grown up with mine. Also, I honestly believe it is not in my kids interest, or even close, to move.
I have a small place in our home town, the kids get there multiple times a year to see extended family etc - they have the best of both worlds.
My son is in the school his sisters went to for 10 years.
My daughters are in one of the best public high schools in the city - ranked about 70th out of 700 in Ontario, the home town's high school ranks about 500.
My oldest is in Grade 11, almost done high school.
The girls participate in a great all girl hockey league that is not available in the small town.
My kids utilize Toronto, and go to concerts and other events, starting to take public transit to explore.
My son plays lacrosse that is not available in the small town.
They all play soccer and hockey in leagues with kids they have come to know.
They have friendships here they have had since kindergarten.
My neighbourhood is safe, my ex lives only 1km away in a nice house.
We pay offset support and this year it is about $0 because I had a bad year last year - making my ex say she cannot afford her house (and how dare I put her in this situation). Since separation we have shared NDI 52/48, and I can afford my house, despite carrying a much larger mortgage and a second home, and getting through last year of low income and paying her high support.
Next year I will pay her significant CS again as my income has gone back to normal (self employed).
So what am I asking?
I would like advice on strong wording to send a letter to her stating that she cannot change my access without my agreement or without a court order (or other wording as advised). I would agree to increased access where the kids live with me for the most part, but I know she would not move if that were the case, and also, my kids need her as much as they need me.
I don't think it is a good idea that she moves, but really I want to focus on the kids and my access. I don't want to be forced to sell my house and move to keep access the same.
I want to know legally that her options are either to get my permission to change access, or to get a court order, and to state that clearly to her.
Also, what action should I take otherwise to minimize conflict yet retain my access and have the kids stay where they belong?
As a side note, I received a call from the Police today stating that she asked them to call me to tell me that her moving is none of my business, and that I should reduce my emails, and that I am not allowed on her property when I pick up the kids. She also lied and said I threatened her (over her dead body kind of threat) in a text to her over a year ago - I have never in any way threatened her (or anyone for that matter). I told the officer that we have been messaging each other for 5 years and I challenge my ex to show even one example of any threatening words or actions as I am simply not that type of person. It was the only time she has contacted the police.
I had a good conversation with the officer, but was surprised given that we have been freely walking in the entrance of each other's home for 5 years, we never argue face to face, our emails are argumentative, but within reason, and I stated to her clearly that she can move, I am only concerned with my access - all of my emails were in response to emails she sent me regarding the matter.
I was almost completely happy and felt that my ex no longer had a hold over me regarding divorce and money - and now I'm all stressed out again - I want predictability in mine and my kids lives!
Why does she want to move? My best guess is that yes she is tight on money, but has enough. She wants full CS from me, and she wants to move because she no longer has friends in our community as she dumped them all, and is looking to move to finally be happy - that 5th move always makes one happy doesn't it?
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