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  • Not sure where to go next.....

    Okay, so I am representing myself and have sent emails to my ex's lawyer regarding changes he wants to make to the divorce agreement. My ex keeps responding to ask me only if I will go to mediation....I had asked some questions and they are not responding to them. I gave them 30 days to respond to my last email and they haven't yet......where do I go next? Do I need to send the letter to someone else like at the courthouse?

    Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • #2
    This is what my ex sent me regarding an answer: "If you want further negotiations you can do them directly with me, as I've mentioned to both you and my lawyer, she has been directed to disregard your emails for the time being. She has not been retained by me to sort out our differences and answer your legal questions, solely to help me understand my rights."
    What to do next??


    • #3
      Originally posted by d002 View Post
      This is what my ex sent me regarding an answer: "If you want further negotiations you can do them directly with me, as I've mentioned to both you and my lawyer, she has been directed to disregard your emails for the time being. She has not been retained by me to sort out our differences and answer your legal questions, solely to help me understand my rights."
      What to do next??
      You really should consider retaining a lawyer even on a "limited retainer" to help you understand the Rules (laws) - your legal questions.

      With regard to going to mediation. Why not? This would put an independent professional into the mix that could assist both parties in ***SOLVING*** problems rather than creating more.

      Another alternative is to complete and serve an offer to settle all matters (or specific things like equalization, custody and access, support, etc... You can get a pile of free on-line information on what should be in an offer to settle. Staples sells templates and other materials that can help you too.

      If you retain a lawyer on a "limited retainer" then they can provide you additional support and guidance as needed.

      Good Luck!


      • #4
        If your ex is requesting you deal with her, then why are you sending emails to her lawyer?

        This exact thing happened with my bf's ex... he had a lawyer, however he was not paying a lawyer to receive and read emails from his ex or her lawyer... all communications were to be forwarded to him, not his lawyer... after they never received a response from his lawyer, they eventually got the hint. She doesn't have to pay a lawyer to read your emails. Send the emails to her instead... and like Tayken said...why wouldn't you want mediation?


        • #5
          Hi, I guess I should add more details, as they say it all depends on the situation.

          The gist is:
          My ex lives an hour away, he moved there when he walked out on us and moved in with his then girlfriend, now that she is in her 20's they are getting married and have a child. I have lived in the same area since 2004 with the exception of a year when he forced me to sell the house and thus lost my home job. As soon as I got another job in the area I moved back since my children have lots of ties/grandparents/family here. Now that my ex has a baby he wants me to drive 45 minutes each way to meet him so he is not home so late and stuck in traffic....also he wants to lower the cs, which I have no issue with (I did refuse ss as I can support myself!!) but cannot afford to payback an overpayment as my ex has been telling me not to submit my income tax for the last 3 years (again my stupid mistake for listening)....previously I have ALWAYS driven to meet him out of the best interest of my children even though the Divorce Agreement says he is to pick up and drop off at their school. I always allowed him to choose the time and his weekends for visitation. Recently he has become very demanding regarding what time HE can meet, where and what weekends he wants, I have had no say. He constantly emails me to 'tell' me what is happening on the weekend. After 6 years I finally have had enough and when he told me to 'have my lawyer contact his lawyer regarding pick up/drop off, weekends and cs. I sent a letter saying I was representing myself for financial reasons (I had to declare bankruptcy a year ago and lost our house as I kinda got screwed in the sale (my own fault- did not get an inspection and needed reno's to the whole electrical/heating system). Once I said that I was representing myself he said he is not 'covering' my expenses. My questions were for his lawyer were to clarify information to HIM and not to me (even though it was obvious in the email), for example if she is representing him and he wants the agreement modified then she should respond to my emails? They (his lawyer and my ex) suggested mediation in his town (hour drive each way for me, gas, single mom, full time job), on his schedule and we have to pay 95$ per session after 3 sessions. He wants the changes, other than set weekends with me (I have suggested) so that I can make plans for my kids which is all I want changed.
          I take care of all school, homework, sports, tutoring, trips, appointments and doctor's/emergency room visits. I have been overly giving for the benefit of my children but now I need to take care of myself for their benefit.
          I am frustrated, tired and worn down by their demands. I just want the agreement to be followed so that I can finally have some peace....he is not married to me anymore and owes it to his children to leave me alone. The many times I have driven to meet him (and I have driven up to 2 1/2 hours so that he could continue to drive 1/2 an hour) he is ALWAYS late, sometimes up to an hour that I sit in the car with the children. The ONE time my son was late meeting him he phoned my house at 1 minute and 3 minutes after the time my son was supposed to meet him. I really don't think I am asking too much.
          Soooo....I don't have any savings, assets, etc. I cannot afford a lawyer (all my money goes to my children and the rent), he is bullying me into mediation so that they (new wife/old gf) can push me into accepting THEIR changes since they have the money and the time. I have been through this before and that is what happened. I just want all the headaches with them to end and to take care of my children which are my priority. I feel like this is asking too much, lol! My ex has sent me approx. 10 emails requesting mediation whenever I make my wishes known even though he provided me with his lawyers name and told me to have my lawyer contact his (which he knew I didn't have nor could afford so he thought he was going to push me into getting his way). Once he realized I could represent myself he was so pissed and that is when they began refusing my requests re: I wanted the agreement upheld and set visitation weekends. He sent me another 3 emails today regarding pick up this weekend and I keep telling him to follow the Divorce Agreement, which he says he disagrees with or 'interprets' differently.
          Sooo this leads me to my question.....what do I do now? I am tired of the back and forth with him, this is what I have been trying to end all along!!! I really believe and my ex has proven, if you have money you get your way!!
          Please help!! Thank you!


          • #6
            I think your own words about being bullied by him are reasonable and true. I agree you should follow the divorce judgment.

            I really don't think you have to do anything. Let his lawyer take you to court. If you decide you are willing to attend mediation simply reiterate that you cannot afford it and that he will have to pay for it. You should never give up SS if you are entitled to it as you never know when you need the extra money for times like this - legal expenses.

            If you do want to change something in the divorce agreement I concur with others that you would be best to hire a lawyer at least on a "limited retainer" as it doesn't sound like you and your ex can communicate effectively.


            • #7
              I was (for a time) at the beginning, self-represented. Ex's then lawyer walked straight up to me, gave me her card, and told me to contact her on any issues relating to our matter.

              I recently (on another legal matter) emailed a letter to person *a* re: a matter with my ex, and I cc'd it to "person a's" counsel, the ex's counsel and 2 other involved parties. I rec'd a reply from "person a's" counsel within 15 minutes. I was told prior to sending it (by a reputable lawyer that I do not have retained) that the Lawyers HAD to respond to me. As in: they don't have a choice.

              Worked out well. (For a change!)


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