Lawyer of my ex keeps on insisting on mediation

[leroadrunner]

Title says it all, they even came back and said the following:

- They gave me several names of facilitators to do mediation (that is true)
- If I am not happy with the names, to give them 5 of my choice with proper credentials

Anyways, I have no interest in wasting money with mediators, how do I answer this so that I dont look like that bad guy avoiding mediation.

One solution, is to offer that she pays for all of it...Any other ideas? I want to make sure that when I go to court I dont look like I didnt try mediation...I have tried in the past and it was very costly.

Thanks!

[Mess]

If you don't want to look like the bad guy you have to be able to show reasons why you do not want mediation. Without knowing you or anything about your situation I would look at the following:

1. What has the other party sent as an offer to settle?
2. What have you sent as an offer to settle?
3. How far apart are you?
4. What are the outstanding issues?
5. What reasons do you have to reject their offer for the outstanding issues?
6. What reasons have they given for rejecting your offer?

A mediator isn't a magic wand that will solve all of your issues. Neither should a mediator be used for a bitch session so that your ex can work out their frustrations. A mediator is there to facilitate communication and make sure each side gets their voice heard. They may suggest a reasonable compromise but they should not take sides. If they suggest a compromise, the emphasis should be on "reasonable". There should be reasons and a compromise means each party comes part way.

So what is it about the above scenario that doesn't work with your situation. Articulate that point-by-point and you will not look unreasonable by refusing.

[arabian]

Interesting. I always thought that lawyers were supposed to highlight differences to their clients and opposing counsel and go from there.

I agree with Mess in that you should itemize the differences, and approach it and possibly make a counter-offer, but I kind of agree with you in that you have to wonder what use a mediator would be after you make your counter offer?

Dunno but kudos to you because it always "sounds" good if someone goes to a mediator. Ultimately if you don't agree to something you end up before a justice and it probably looks good to have at least agreed to a mediator. Positioning - expensive though eh?

[Tayken]

It is always a good idea to make an Offer to Settle in accordance with Rule 18 of the Family Law Rules that is rational, logical and solves problems and not creates them. Leveraging this mechanism in the FLR can reduce significant and unnecessary conflict potentially and if the other party to the matter (litigation) is highly conflicted the consistent and proper service of Offers to Settle can be used to regain costs for unnecessary and frivolous conduct before the court by the other party.

[leroadrunner]

Great point about the Offer To Settle, I will do this.

One more question, I have documented really well why I am not wanting to go through mediation again. But thinking further, maybe I could at least attend a short mediation session, it will prove quite quickly that there is no middle ground.

I may be dreaming here, but is there a service for a free mediation session? Say, a one hour or two max? I am based in Toronto btw. I will call my Employee Assistance Program to see what they say...but I thought I would ask anyways here, this place is quite helpful!

Thanks!