50/50 questions

[Martin Onza]

My wife and I will be splitting, my kids are 6 & 8 and she wants somewhat full custody, where I get every second weekend and see them as many nights during the week as I want, without a sleepover of course
.
I would like 50/50, one week with me, one week with mom.

My questions are as follows;

1- Can we work it out in the seperation agreement, to gradually work them into a 50/50 schedule, to make the transition easier for them?

2- What is the difference in child support from every second weekend to a 50/50?

3- Once we agree to a 50/50, what would cause this agreement to ever terminate?

Thanks in advance for all your help.

M

[red6419]

don't settle for less then 50/50. ever. status quo will settle in and you won't be able to get a change to the schedule no matter what the agreement says now. do not move out without having this set out in an agreement from the get go. do not allow her to move out and take the kids. she can move out but the kids stay in the family home.



if she's offering you something different then 50/50 offer it back to her - if she want every second weekend and "liberal access" during the week (which really means you won't see your kids during the week at all) then offer her that - if its good enough for you it should be good enough for her - she'll tell you why it can't/won't work that way and there's your argument for why it doesn't work for you either.

[Teenwolf]

I agree with red6419. Push for 50/50 now in order to avoid the status quo of the children being primarily with the mother. It might be difficult for you to go from EOW to 50/50.

In regard to CS, EOW means you will pay her CS and she doesn't pay you anything. The CS amount you pay will be based on your income and the number of kids. If you have a 50/50 arrangement, then the CS is offset. Your CS amount that would be due in a EOW arrangement would be the same for 50/50; however, she would also have to pay you CS based on her income and the number of kids you have. Whoever has the higher amount of CS owing pays the other the difference between the CS amounts. For example, your CS is $700 per month and hers is $500 per month. The end result: you would pay her $200 per month in a 50/50 arrangement.

To my knowledge, a custody agreement or order doesn't terminate, unless the child reaches the age of majority. Any change would have to be agreed upon or ordered by the court.

[dinkyface]

For a full, concise, understandable description of CS obligations (and other separation/divorce issues), go here:

About Child Support in Canada

[standing on the sidelines]

maybe sweeten it a bit instead of a full week then a switch maybe go 2-2-3 type of thing. That way she cannot say she cannot be without the kids for a week at a time (just like you cant) and shows that you are being reasonable.

[Rioe]

My wife and I will be splitting, my kids are 6 & 8 and she wants somewhat full custody, where I get every second weekend and see them as many nights during the week as I want, without a sleepover of course.

I would like 50/50, one week with me, one week with mom.

My questions are as follows;

1- Can we work it out in the seperation agreement, to gradually work them into a 50/50 schedule, to make the transition easier for them?

I wouldn't recommend a transition phase. Just go right to 50-50. It has worked just fine for younger children, so it will be just fine for yours. Children are adaptable. They are used to 50-50 access with you right already, when you think about it. What you want to avoid is this chance to set your ex up as the gatekeeper, to be the one to determine when you see your kids. As many nights as you want could rapidly turn into "as many nights as she sees fit," which translates into never. And then you have status quo established at being the every other weekend dad, and may never get to the 50-50 part.

2- What is the difference in child support from every second weekend to a 50/50?

Less than 60-40 is full child support from the <40 parent to the >60 parent.

Anywhere within 60-40 means offset as described in other posts. But don't bring this up, or it looks like you want 50-50 just to save money, not because it's the right thing for your children.

Talk first about access, then once 50-50 is the deal, it's simple to confirm that offset is the appropriate method for CS.

3- Once we agree to a 50/50, what would cause this agreement to ever terminate?

When the kids are teenagers, they might rebel and only want to stay with one parent, and it's difficult to force them to do otherwise. Or one parent may choose to move out of town for whatever reason and lose the ability to maintain 50-50. There are a few things such as these that could affect it, but to make any change official, a new court order would be required after the new status quo has been established.

[Martin Onza]

Thanks for all your advice. She'a adament about every second weekend becasue she wants, as do I, the transition for the kids to be as smooth as possible. I've asked her for the 50/50, even though sometimes I realize that it might be better the way she asks, because of my work schedule.
We ar amical, and she is sincere in how often I see my kids during the week, that does not worry me.

I'm just tore up with what would be right, for the kids sakes!

M

[WorkingDAD]

I'm just tore up with what would be right, for the kids sakes!

M

What would be right for kids is to have two equal parents in their life. For the kids sake!

[HammerDad]

Thanks for all your advice. She'a adament about every second weekend becasue she wants, as do I, the transition for the kids to be as smooth as possible. I've asked her for the 50/50, even though sometimes I realize that it might be better the way she asks, because of my work schedule.
We ar amical, and she is sincere in how often I see my kids during the week, that does not worry me.

I'm just tore up with what would be right, for the kids sakes!

M

If she is so sure this is what is best for the kids, than I am sure she would accept her EOW proposal if you offered it to her. I mean, it is all about a smooth transition for the kids....

Aside from my obvious sarcasm, why the hell does your ex think that having one parent go from being there everyday with the kids to EOW and an evening or two with the kids is any less tramatic on the kids? If the ex believes that this is in the best interests of the kids, and that she should be the custodial parent, she is obviously drinking someones koolaid as she is bought into the idea of her being the more important parent.

It would likely be more tramatic to kids to lose the ability to have frequent and meaningful contact with both parents.

[wretchedotis]

Thanks for all your advice. She'a adament about every second weekend becasue she wants, as do I, the transition for the kids to be as smooth as possible. I've asked her for the 50/50, even though sometimes I realize that it might be better the way she asks, because of my work schedule.
We ar amical, and she is sincere in how often I see my kids during the week, that does not worry me.

I'm just tore up with what would be right, for the kids sakes!

M

Ok, I kind of get it.
But, why on earth would the child need 'transition' to spending time with DAD??

To me, it's kind of an insult to say 'my child needs "transition" to spend half his/her time with me'.

What could possibly be so hard about spending time with DAD???
And really, how would changing from 75-25 to 50-50 really be that much more of a burden than the initial change from 100% of time with both parents to 75-25 with Mom?

Shouldn't there have been a 'transition' period for that instance as well? Was there?

I doubt it.

And as for your 'work schedule' - well if you truly want 50/50 - your 'work schedule' will most likely need to be modified. So either do it, or don't. Whats your priority?

[wretchedotis]

If she is so sure this is what is best for the kids, than I am sure she would accept her EOW proposal if you offered it to her. I mean, it is all about a smooth transition for the kids....

Aside from my obvious sarcasm, why the hell does your ex think that having one parent go from being there everyday with the kids to EOW and an evening or two with the kids is any less tramatic on the kids? If the ex believes that this is in the best interests of the kids, and that she should be the custodial parent, she is obviously drinking someones koolaid as she is bought into the idea of her being the more important parent.

It would likely be more tramatic to kids to lose the ability to have frequent and meaningful contact with both parents.

Great minds think alike.

[Martin Onza]

If she is so sure this is what is best for the kids, than I am sure she would accept her EOW proposal if you offered it to her. I mean, it is all about a smooth transition for the kids....

Aside from my obvious sarcasm, why the hell does your ex think that having one parent go from being there everyday with the kids to EOW and an evening or two with the kids is any less tramatic on the kids? If the ex believes that this is in the best interests of the kids, and that she should be the custodial parent, she is obviously drinking someones koolaid as she is bought into the idea of her being the more important parent.

It would likely be more tramatic to kids to lose the ability to have frequent and meaningful contact with both parents.

Sorry, what is EOW?

I guess her thought is to keep the stability for the kids, rather than changing house week after week.

I fully understand where your coming for. My goal is 50/50.

She thinks I want that for the financial reason, but in the end, it would only be a difference of maybe $400-600... and it is far from the reason.

Thanks for your honest thoughts, they are much appreciated.

M

[HammerDad]

EOW = every other weekend.

What she feels is appropriate for you and the kids, is get what any convict would be able to get. The minimum standard parenting time which will guarantee you paying her the maximum amount of money.

She is putting the guilt on you that is likely that all you care about is the money. I read that to be, that my group of hens have likely filled my head with all the thoughts of the bigs amount of child support she will be able to get should you get the EOW daddy-screw job.

Times have changed. You're a capable parent who isn't a danger to their kids. If she doesn't like week on/week off. Suggest 223 or 2552 or a 3443 split. There are ways around week about.

[billm]

I've asked her for the 50/50...

I'm just tore up with what would be right, for the kids sakes!

M

Asked? If you want 50/50, that is the default. There is no need to ask. You can state you will accept 50 or more, but hope she wants equal time as well as that is best for the kids.

I think week on/off is not the best. I have been doing 2-2-3 with three kids for 5 years (youngest was 4 at the start). Totally great.

It's funny that she is mentioning money as I would think that was her reasoning too - to get more.

Do 50/50, don't accept anything less. This isn't the 1950s - dads rock at raising kids!

[Mess]

Sorry, what is EOW?

I guess her thought is to keep the stability for the kids, rather than changing house week after week.

I fully understand where your coming for. My goal is 50/50.

She thinks I want that for the financial reason, but in the end, it would only be a difference of maybe $400-600... and it is far from the reason.

Thanks for your honest thoughts, they are much appreciated.

M

Let her say what she wants about money now, the time to respond is with a mediator or with a judge.

You don't further negotiations by answering petty, self-serving accusations like that you want it for financial reasons. If she believes that you won't talk her out of it.

In mediation or at motion or trial, you do have to respond. When the child is with you, you are supporting the child. You are providing 50% of support when she is with you 50% of the time. You are providing food, housing, clothing, transportation, recreation, entertainment, books, activities. You are supporting your child financially at 50% much more than if it were every other weekend.

If your ex brings such an obscene accusation to court or to mediation, don't ignore it. Prepare a detailed budget, show the extra housing costs of providing another bedroom, detail all the other expenses I mentioned, and show that you are fully prepared to support your child. Follow through by stating that this shows the ex is more concerned with money than she is with the child.

Judges do notice when you prepare detailed budgets that are realistic.