Can We Just Divorce Without Involving The Courts?

[Lava]

Hi,

I have been married for about 20 years and have a child under 18. All property is in both our names as well as a couple of bank accounts. My wife has decided that she wants to leave the marriage and sign everything over to me, she said she will just take her personal possessions.


My question. Can we just go to a lawyer and have him write up an agreement transferring all property and assets to my name and giving me primary custody of the child? Can this be done or is it more involved? She is not seeking spousal support or any other money from me.


Thanks.

[HammerDad]

It can be done BUT GET INDEPENDENT LEGAL ADVICE (ILA). Especially given how one sided this agreement appears to be. You don't want her to come back years from now and ask for the agreement to be set aside because she didn't have proper representation/the agreement was made under duress/she was mentally incapable.

Personally, with such a one sided agreement, I make her see 2 different lawyers for ILA and eat the cost. It will likely save you money down the road.

[caranna]

It's none of my business, but I can't help wondering why your wife doesn't want an equitable/equal share of the assets.

[Moolight]

You both need ILA in order to make the agreement valid, therefore if I was you I would make it fair and equitable and you will have a better chance that her ILA will support it.

Otherwise, she will get legal advise against it and your legal battle will start. Better make it right from the beginning and keep it simple.

[Age Smies]

Maybe you could consider using a mediator and use the mediation report as your proof of a settlement as agreed upon by the two parties. There are also a few services offered on the internet who would do all this for you but remember the advice given in an earlier response. You could be inviting trouble later on.

[arabian]

Agree with HammerDad - pay for her to get independent legal advice.

Sounds absolutely bizarre. Is she on drugs????

[hadenough]

Maybe she won the Lotto Max and doesn't want to fork over half of it...

[Lava]

You both need ILA in order to make the agreement valid, therefore if I was you I would make it fair and equitable and you will have a better chance that her ILA will support it.

Otherwise, she will get legal advise against it and your legal battle will start. Better make it right from the beginning and keep it simple.

If she decides she doesn't want anything her lawyer shouldn't have the right to push it on her. I know for a lawyer the longer they can drag these things out the more money they can make.

[standing on the sidelines]

If she decides she doesn't want anything her lawyer shouldn't have the right to push it on her. I know for a lawyer the longer they can drag these things out the more money they can make.

You gotta admit though her walking away from her child, assets etc with basically just the clothes on her back is very extreme. She may be saying that now but we dont know the backstory here. Maybe she is suffering from depression or something. Of course this works out well for you but if she gets her head togther she will realize that this whole thing isnt fair and come after you. Her lawyer will inform her of her rights in a divorce and make sure she knows what she is doing. You should be asking her to talk to a lawyer for ILA or this may come and bite you in the ass later no matter what is signed.

If you were an moral person then you would be making sure that she gets her fair share.

[Lava]

She says she is doing God's work now and that He will provide for everything she needs so doesn't want anything from me.

She is not giving up on the child but she intends on travelling from place to place and my child is still in school and he cannot accompany her.

She also does have property in her own name which I have no interest in and is probably worth close to the value of our assets. She will have that and I will get what we currently share.

[caranna]

She says she is doing God's work now and that He will provide for everything she needs so doesn't want anything from me.

She should realize that with her fair share of assets, she would be able to do a lot more, financially speaking, in furthering God's work.

Is she afraid of you? Have you been abusive, controlling? Has she been harassed and intimidated...threatened?

Does she feel controlled by you? Has she given up?

[Moolight]

This still doesn't sound right to me, she is going through depression, guilt or maybe even denial. There is psychological stage to go through when a marriage falls apart.


You should still do the right thing and gave her share that belongs to her.

The fact that she is giving everything to you does not mean she understand properly what she is doing. I am telling you this will come back to haunt you.


The reality is that if you do it right and gave her share now, you increase your chance for everything to go smoothly.

Face she is willing to give you everything and you are more than willing to take it. Why are you not willing to instead say let do it fair and equitable so we can maintain respect to each other. You have a child together; think about it, your relationship with her is not over.


You have a chance to do it properly and that what you should do. It is in the best interest of the child that both parents keep a collaborative and respectful relationship.


Her lawyer will not force her but will show her what is equitable and fair. Maybe she has other properties that balance everything out at the end.

But if you are taking advantage of the situation, her lawyer has the duty to make her realize that before she sign anything.

Does she even realize that she will have to pay for child support as giving you everything does not eliminate that?


Again, I am telling you, do it right as you have a chance for a simple uncontested divorce. Why are you so greedy?

[Lava]

Caranna, there is no abuse or anything in the marriage, she just went on a different path which I did not and she feels that she needs someone who feels the way she does. There is no hate or anger between us, her leaving is not my choice.

Moolight. I don't feel I am taking advantage of the situation or being greedy. We could also include the property she owns which might work out in my favour if it is valued at more than our shared assets. Her signing our assets over to me was her idea. I also wouldn't want child support from her.

[OrleansLawyer]

You both need ILA in order to make the agreement valid

Contrary to this common assertion, an agreement is perfectly valid without ILA. The chances of the court tossing it out, however, are increased without ILA (or a waiver thereof).

You don't want her to come back years from now and ask for the agreement to be set aside because she didn't have proper representation/the agreement was made under duress/she was mentally incapable.

This is sound advice - although limitations period applies.

Personally, with such a one sided agreement, I make her see 2 different lawyers for ILA and eat the cost. It will likely save you money down the road.

Sound advice.

Otherwise, she will get legal advise against it and your legal battle will start. Better make it right from the beginning and keep it simple.

ILA can result in an affidavit from the solicitor saying that she was advised not to sign the agreement. It is ultimately her choice to do so (or not).

You should still do the right thing and gave her share that belongs to her.

It sounds like she will be retaining her own assets which approximately balance out the parties NFP. In any event, if she exercises her right to ILA and pursues a financially disadvantageous agreement, should the OP have a fiduciary duty to work against his own interests?

[caranna]

My question. Can we just go to a lawyer and have him write up an agreement transferring all property and assets to my name and giving me primary custody of the child? Can this be done or is it more involved? She is not seeking spousal support or any other money from me.

Caranna, there is no abuse or anything in the marriage, she just went on a different path which I did not and she feels that she needs someone who feels the way she does. There is no hate or anger between us, her leaving is not my choice



If both of you are in agreement for the property and assets to be transferred to your name, having your wife keep her assets, and having primary custody of the child, I don't see any reason why you and your wife couldn't "just go to a lawyer" and have an agreement written. It would be advisable though for your wife to hire her own lawyer, with your wife having him/her known what she wants and you mutual desire to have the divorce as amicable and uncomplicated as possible.

To try and "make" her sign an agreement as was advised doesn't seem like a good idea. It would just start/escalate animosity and harm your child in the process. It sounds like you both know and want what is mutually agreeable, wish to part on good terms, and just want to get the divorce and move on with your lives.