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Hi my soon to be ex left ontario feb 2012 for alberta, he bought house and emailed me that he wanted to seperate. He has not returned to Ontario where we reside and he does pay support occasionally, we do not have a seperation agreement, and all 3 children ages 12,8,5 live full time with me. He has made zero attempt to see the children either by him coming here or by them traveling to alberta. As I am in the process of consulting with my lawyer regarding custody, I would like to request sole custody and offer him flexible and reasonable access? if such a term is used. I would like him to see the children, however he makes no parenting decisions, suggestions, advice with me regarding our children. Our son is in speech therapy that he does not care to discuss, and our son has now recently been admitted to occupational health and therapy program that STB does not have any interest in or concerns regarding. The children have all done very well in school. My question/concern is if I move even closer (to alberta) before a seperation agreement is made up, will or could my move interfere with my application for sole custody? Not that it would necessarily be a bad thing, its just that I have a very difficult time with him having input with regards to parenting when he has been absent seems to lack a care/interest in parenting for most of the children's lives.( he has always worked out of town for a month and home for a week for the past 8 years. Thanks for your advice.
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You have a position of next to zero input from your ex.You want to move closer to him ,which in turn is going to make it somewhat harder for him to avoid paying child support.Since so far all he has been interested in is securing as much money as possible and not paying regular CS you moving to his province is going to rock his boat.If he is as interested in money as you say he is ,then he most likely will want a greater share of custody so he wont be forced to pay as much child support.What exactly is out there for the children, besides their father?Do you have family out there ?A job lined up?Are you thinking of reconciling???Is this move really for the kids?You cant force someone to spend time with their kids if they don't want to.It would be pretty terrible for the kids if you yanked them away from everything they know, for a hope that their dad just might step up to the plate. -
Oh WoW thank you for that I did not realize that if I moved out there it would be harder for him to avoid paying support no wonder he is so adimate about us moving out there, I just figured it was because he didn't want me closer to his new life!! He is very interested in money, that is why he left ontario to chase the money. My concern was exactly that if I moved out there what are the chances of him getting joint custody? When he has never really been involved?? I have always wanted to move out to Alberta and now I have a job offer and I thought the children would have a better chance at having a relationship with their dad. My lawyer says the same thing to me, as you have said I guess I just don't want to belive he doesn't want to spend time with his kids, however sadly I seem to be hearing it i need to listen to it. The move would benefit the children and they are excited to move, we do have some friends there, as well we are the talk of the town where to the point my children do not want to attend sleepovers as the parents drill my kids about what is going on with their parents it is a small town and yes even when I adress the parents it just seems to make it worse. I don't have all the answers I am just trying to give my children a great live rich with love and experiences. I know our future will be better out there, I just am afraid that he bully and win as he has much more money and better lawyers than I. thanks I really do appreciate your input, you have really made me think and open my eyes.Comment
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that makes sense now as to why he keeps crying that he has no money, he makes 3500-5000 a week!! he kept saying it was slow hes not making that much money can't afford the kids to come and see him he can't afford to fly needs to work etc., meanwhile he was just trying to pocket money?? wow what a real ass, what is his gain by doing so? Does it matter if he is hiding money will it all be revealed or what is he gaining by saving and squirreling all his money away and by not filing?? I don't get it? Not only that he make weekly accusations that I don't allow contact between him and the children. not true he has our home number plus the our 12 and 8 year olds email address that he sends emails to occasionaly. Why does he make such claims? He also threatens me that if I text or email or phone him he will charge me with harrassment! Therefore I cannot update or consult with him about the children!! Does anyone have any of the same experience? Or any clue as to what the motive behind this behavior is? thank youComment
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Your ex probably works in oilfield related industry. If he's making that sort of cash he's probably working in or around the rigs. Highly regulated out here in Alberta and he will find it very, very difficult to avoid MEP collections.
I will be jumped on for this but... is there possibly another person in his life now? Might explain why he doesn't want you to contact him.Comment
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Hi arabian ding ding ding!! Bang on there IS someone "purdy" big lady in his life now!! haha she has *5* kids too
I just don't get what he achieves by "flexing his muscles" at me/us and by witholding money from us??Comment
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oh we can only have his work cell not his iphone or landline numberComment
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First thing that came to my mind is what would another woman want with a loser like this? Well I guess she's benefiting from his paycheck as you are not.
Wouldn't give this any more thought. Do what you have to do to get maintenance enforcement after the idiot. Better you and your kids get the money than the skank right?
Happy trails.Comment
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Quit calling the guy. You'd be best to keep in some sort of contact with him (amicably) for future collection purposes so don't drive him away. Also, you look pathetic when you're chasing after someone who clearly doesn't want anything to do you with. Sad but that's the reality.Comment
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you got that right!! haha thanks for the laugh at least!Comment
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yes i agree trust me the only reason i phone or text him is with regards to the children just my nature and habit. I have realized that i look pathetic and it strokes his ego not to mention he just hangs up on me or threatens me! so do I tell him that I even moved out there? or when do I tell him? I know I do want him to have access to his children but ONLY if HE is going to be involved. I really do not want to call email or text him. We (my kids and I ) are making an exciting new life life. Ideas? suggestions?Comment
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Yep ,its pretty obvious he doesn't want a court enforced order in the same province as him !That would be slightly inconvenient.His refusal to provide his home and cell number are a dead give away.Keep to email,keep the tone to courteous and balanced and factual.Ask him for his cell in case of emergencies ,if he emails you back refusing to..all the better for you.Keep factual,keep inclusive ,continue asking him to participate in the children's lives .Use family wizard if you can too.If you are moving to Alberta start the process there for custody so you don't get called back to Ontario.Good luckComment
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Oh really murphslaw!! thanks I did not know or realize this yes he will not give me his address or anything! So i take it he has been advised or warned by his peers/lawyers! Will I get back pay though? WoW what an ass. thanks he refuses to give me any numbers any numbers or addresses!! thanks for the heads up
so when we move should I tell him we have moved?Comment
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One thought - what you really want is sole custody AND guardianship. They are two distinct issues. The guardianship is what gives the rights to make major decisions that are in the best interest of the child (ie school, medical, religion, etc). It sounds like his sole interests are to do with $$ anyway. Good luck!
I keep seeing STB and STBX - what does this stand for (obviously something regarding the ex)Comment
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thank you tired of the drama! haha yes i have learned what those are too stb (soon to be) x haha
do you think that it will show that his interests are only money driven?? I get so paranoid that no one will see the hell and I mean financial hell he has left us in. with zero regards to the children he says the only reason i have the children is for money, it makes me sick that he is so cold and callous to meComment
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