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  • need advice

    So I was served papers by my ex saying they are challenging our separation agreement and she is going for sole custody.

    would it be best for me to counter with a sole custody request also or shared custody but me being the primary care giver.

    she is being very unreasonable latelt including restricting my access to them on her days as was standard practice and in our agreement (rofr) i did pick ups and daycare on days she was working. because i wasnt flexiable enough with her she removed them from school one day, takes them to work w her and has a sitter pick them up from school even though i have been available all so i cant provide daycare. i have her on tape saying its because i wasnt flexiable with her and she will no longer let me see them on those days.

    she threatened to punch my gf in the head in front of the kids and tells kids daddy has more money then mommy.
    i also have her on tape a year ago talking to a friend saying she fantasizes about not having children and would be fine having them one night a week.
    she is also trying to force sale of matrimonial home because tecnically still listed on title, but took the money a year ago when i paid her out. this is the only home children have known in their school district and all their friends live here. can that go against her that she is vindictive and not acting in their best interest?
    thanks

  • #2
    if you bought her out then why is she still on title to the house??? When I bought my ex out it was specified in the SA that he was to be removed from title etc. The mortgage company wouldnt release the funds for the mortgage until there was a signed separation agreement.

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    • #3
      i had co signed on her new condo as she didnt have credit. i wanted my kids to have a nice place. when i did so the bank changed their mind and said now i no longer can remove her from my mortgage. we were waiting for her to qualify for mgt in her name only as she is now full time. so i am on her mgt and title and vice versa.
      i am not that upset because i over paid her on the house 40K. if they force me to sell the house is now worth what i paid her and i would think they would have to split costs or i could make a claim on her condo as i am on title.

      what a mess. i am going to ask court to get us both off each others title as bankrupcy is not in childrens best interest.

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      • #4
        What is she using to support her claim for sole custody?

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        • #5
          that since separation agreement she has been primary parent. not sure how they claim that as i have had them more nights, provide daycare and after school care, enrolled them in all sports and lessons and have taken them to dr's, eye and dental appts and volunteer at kids school.all documented.
          my home is also the old matrimonial home that she left. This is a total shakedown for more money and is using the children as leverage. her lawyer sent me a letter saying i dont do my share of parenting. the next day ex asked if she could switch schedule (it gave her 3 more nights). i said no i want to stick with agreed schedule then she stopped letting me provide daycare because i wasnt being flexiable.
          if she gets sole she gets more cs and knows that i will still take children same amount of time.

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          • #6
            You have paid her share of the mat home, if she tries to force a sale, despite being on the title, you immediately file a motion to stop her. You cite the facts you stated here. She has no right to do this, you should not have let her get this far.

            As I've said before, ignore any crap her lawyer sends you. He is her lawyer, not yours, represent her, and spewing her bullshit. From what you describe, I strongly suspect she has a limited retainer, these letters aren't even written by the lawyer, they are written by her and sent through the lawyer's office. Regardless, the lawyer only knows what she tells him. Document your time with the kids and get factual proof any way you can. Get copies of sign out sheets from the daycare, get a letter from the school acknowledging that you regularly pick the children up. Don't sit on your hands, get these now!

            From your previous posts, you were supposed to have 50/50 over the summer. Has this happened? Did you have it in writing from her? If it isn't happening why not? You go to the daycare and pick up the child on your scheduled days; if the child is not there you document it with copies of the sign out sheet and get some kind of parking receipt from nearby to prove you were there.

            Stop arguing with her, don't engage in conversation, don't debate, don't complain. You don't need to discuss custody arrangements that are already on paper. Just do it. If you go to pick up the child and she's not there, document it and send a simple email to the ex later. "I went to pick up Sally on my scheduled day and the daycare said you already took her. Please adhere to our agreed schedule. Thanks, Dave." That's it, that's all you write, don't argue, don't complain, don't give her options, don't discuss. The email is a record of the event that you can print out later. If she replies, read it and ignore it, don't get into back and forth.

            Let go of the late afternoon extra hours with the child. It sucks, it would be nice, etc. but you need to pick your battles. Your battle is for regular overnights on a set schedule that gives your child 50/50 with both parents because that is in her best interest.

            Regarding sole custody: Here is an important question you have to answer for yourself:

            Are there periods of time you can cite where you and your ex were able to sort things out and make decisions together. You have to have examples. If you can show that she is capable of working with you but is just being obstinate, then you seek joint custody.

            If you cannot think of any supporting examples of joint, then you seek sole. You state that you are seeking sole custody because the ex has been arbitrarily withholding prearranged access time and the child is suffering from an unstable schedule. You argue that the reasons for the ex's decisions are personalized, that she using the child to create conflict with you. You further argue that you believe in a reliable, stable schedule for the child and would always do your best to make sure the child has an excellent relationship with both of you.

            Seek the level of custody that you can present factual reasons for.

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            • #7
              thanks mess,

              just to clarify, we do have a separation agreement with joint custody. she is trying to change it to sole.
              ever since i have started dating again things have gone off the rails with threats, lawyer letters and changing our agreement and an application has been filed with court by them.

              the daycare issue was with me providing the daycare. i was doing the daycare even when kids were on her days as stipulated in our agreement. she has since stopped allowing me to provide such care and now takes them to work or has the next door neighbour watch them, just to spite me.

              i meet with my lawyer tomorrow to formulate our answer. appreciate the feedback.

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