Sexual letters & Factual Errors

[NDuclos]

Dear all

I just got the paper work from my x for her first case conference. The documentation was 80 plus pages, written by her in point form and letter format. In the documentation there were a number of factual errors, contradictions, misleading information. I had a question as to what I can do when we get into our 1st case conference.

1) She included letters of erotica that were of a "fantasy" in nature. The terminology and scene was hard core. She has now claimed that these were unwanted. However i have documentation that she wanted these letters through bbm in a direct obvious matter. I also have videos, pictures and txt of her performing acts from some of the letters she included. When i get in front of the judge, what do I say to this. I don't want to expose our sexual acts in front of individuals, but I feel that it will taint my case if I don't respond. Can I ask for it to be removed with her responce for more letter of a similar type. Also she is bring other peopls lives that have nothing to do with the case. Can I ask the same or is this just par for the course?

2) She contradicts herself all the way through and I have documentation as to 3 obvious lies about events, character and actions and another 3 statement where she is is misleading the court by leaving out important and obvious information such as dates, recomendations from proffesionals and including an obscure psychiatric disorder that most obviously doesn't apply that she found off the internet. When and where would I bring this up to a judge.

3) I put in a case conference paper. However after this was done I found out other information. Can I resubmit another Case conference for a 2nd case conference? it doesn't change the core of the case conference in major ways, but it does have other request based on comments from our son.

4) is there examples of professional case conferences or other written documents that I can see, so I know what it should look like and contain.


Thx always,

nduclos

[arabian]

Hopefully your lawyer will respond, point by point, "irrelevant" as I don't think your sex life is of interest to anyone. Get used to lies and false allegations. Hopefully you have legal representation that won't waste your money on this. Do not stoop to the same level. Once you go into that mire you won't be able to crawl back out.

[billm]

I believe that the case conference briefs are not read in detail. Especially when they are large and contain the type of information you said she included.

It seems as though you are representing yourself (which I did as well - I only had one case conference so far).

Think about the judge - make things easy and clear. Have data etc to back things up, but your summary has to be simple and clear.

Don't engage in mud slinging, but defend all false accusations clearly. I think what she has included will show her to be unreasonable and will help you if you present your side in a calm rational way.

My ex has a lawyer, she is the applicant. This helps me because I could see how they filled in the initial application and case conference brief. I responded in summary. I also responded with a numbered paragraph with the same number of all of her claims paragraphs so the judge (and myself) could easily compare what they stated with (my) truth.

My ex both intentionally and unintentionally put in lots of misleading and false information, however I am crazy good at keeping all data and had everything i needed to dispute with facts, documents, email, etc all her false accusations.

I did submit a large response and a large case conference brief, but the summary was there at the start. What I like is that I have done all the hard work now, and I have all of my facts laid out in well written paragraphs that I can use if we ever go back to court again.

[Tayken]

Dear all

I just got the paper work from my x for her first case conference. The documentation was 80 plus pages, written by her in point form and letter format. In the documentation there were a number of factual errors, contradictions, misleading information. I had a question as to what I can do when we get into our 1st case conference.

Is the litigant self represented? If they have a lawyer expect a long speech from the judge about what defines a Case Conference "Brief". Specific courts have maximum lenths for filing and 80 pages is well over any limit I have seen outlined in the various superior court guidance.

The Law Society published excellent guidance to lawyers in 2010 on being "brief" in their briefs. So many people waste court time.

1) She included letters of erotica that were of a "fantasy" in nature. The terminology and scene was hard core. She has now claimed that these were unwanted. However i have documentation that she wanted these letters through bbm in a direct obvious matter. I also have videos, pictures and txt of her performing acts from some of the letters she included. When i get in front of the judge, what do I say to this. I don't want to expose our sexual acts in front of individuals, but I feel that it will taint my case if I don't respond. Can I ask for it to be removed with her responce for more letter of a similar type. Also she is bring other peopls lives that have nothing to do with the case. Can I ask the same or is this just par for the course?

This is irrelevant materials and just a personal attack on you to defame you. Take it as such and basically blanked respond grouping all the paragraphs and identify it as an attempt to create a "distortion campaign" against you and defame your character before the court. Furthermore, the content is irrelevant. Canada is a "no fault" divorce country.

This is just done to get an emotional reaction from you. Identify it for what it is... A complete assault on your character and irrelevant.

2) She contradicts herself all the way through and I have documentation as to 3 obvious lies about events, character and actions and another 3 statement where she is is misleading the court by leaving out important and obvious information such as dates, recomendations from proffesionals and including an obscure psychiatric disorder that most obviously doesn't apply that she found off the internet. When and where would I bring this up to a judge.

Focus on settlement which is the purpose of a Case Conference. No real decisions can be made and the other party has demonstrated their desire for conflict. Don't fall into the trap. In your brief just address cogent and relevant issues that could be dealt with in a Case Conference. For matters of a substantiated nature that you know you won't get agreement on... Ask for a motion prejudice on both parties with clear filing deadlines an responding deadlines to be ordered. (Technical and can be done at a CC.)

3) I put in a case conference paper. However after this was done I found out other information. Can I resubmit another Case conference for a 2nd case conference? it doesn't change the core of the case conference in major ways, but it does have other request based on comments from our son.

Focus on the only things the court cares about:

1) Custody and access of children.
2) Child support.
3) Spousal support.
4) Equalization

You are not going before the "moral court" you are going to a place based on "ethics" and makes decisions on cogent and relevant evidence. A lot of miss guided litigants seek vengeance before the court and hurl as much crap as they can to cloud the real issues. (See how much poop you can throw and see what sticks.)

4) is there examples of professional case conferences or other written documents that I can see, so I know what it should look like and contain.

The CC Brief should outline how the above 4 points can be settled and resolved. That is all that needs to be addressed before the court. All the mud slinging gets you nowhere.

[billiechic]

Hopefully she numbered the paragraphs or accusations, and then you can just list off the numbers and state that they are untrue, or irrelevant, or claims aimed at defaming etc.

If they aren't numbered, go ahead and reference pages and BRIEF descriptions of the issue (she claimed you were lazy etc), with something like "The respondent refutes all claims made by the applicant in that he is lazy and contributed nothing to the household. The respondent has worked full time throughout the marriage, and shares equally in all household chores".

keep it as brief as you can. You WANT the judge to read yours, and there is NO WAY a judge will read through her 80 pages.

The summary at the front is very important. Try to get all the most important things into the first page, the facts about the length of marriage, parenting arrangement, how you spend time with the kids etc. You want your first impression to address the posittive aspects of your character, and leave the denials for a little later.

Good luck. the CC brief is very hard to prepare, but so worth the effort as it sets you up with all your arguements in the best order possible.

[Pursuinghappiness]

NDuclos:

First of all...take a very deep breath and relax.

The only thing you need to do is blanket deny everything in her brief in your reply and stick to the relevant topics, kids & money. All the rest is a load of crap...no Judge or Master (depending on who presides over your CC) is going to care.

If you stoop to her level, you're wasting your time and money and you're going to frustrate the Judge. Unless any of the stuff she's talking about impacts relevant divorce topics, its totally irrelevant.

From Tayken's post:

Focus on the only things the court cares about:
1) Custody and access of children.
2) Child support.
3) Spousal support.
4) Equalization

I remember my first CC when my ex tried to talk about my various boyfriends. I didn't say a word, get mad, respond, try to defend myself....I just listened to him rant and with a neutral expression on my face. The Judge literally rolled her eyes, sighed and said "I don't ever want to hear another word about any of that nonsense" and went back to talking about money.

[madm82]

Maybe I got lucky? During my CC, the judge stated that he read my CC brief in its entirety. AND it was SUPER LONG!

[Pursuinghappiness]

Maybe I got lucky? During my CC, the judge stated that he read my CC brief in its entirety. AND it was SUPER LONG

Was your brief composed of erotica letters?

[madm82]

Was your brief composed of erotica letters?

In all fairness no.

[mumster1964]

maybe the letters are erotic enough that he/she will take the time to read them?

[Pursuinghappiness]

lol..good point.

[Tiredofthefight]

You could publish the letters and use proceeds to off set your legal expenses. If she was prepared to use them in public documents........

[Tayken]

maybe the letters are erotic enough that he/she will take the time to read them?

Hopefully the brief has a section title:

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY

69. On July 9, 2008 my husband began to send me erotic messages. Please find attached to my brief in tab 4 copies of these unwanted and erotic and sexually suggestive messages from my husband.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[representingself]

Hopefully the brief has a section title:

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY

69. On July 9, 2008 my husband began to send me erotic messages. Please find attached to my brief in tab 4 copies of these unwanted and erotic and sexually suggestive messages from my husband.

Good Luck!
Tayken

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Yes... you could be in big trouble for wanting to have kinky sex with your wife!!!

LOL

How dare you!!!

[representingself]

NDuclos:


The only thing you need to do is blanket deny everything in her brief in your reply and stick to the relevant topics, kids & money.

I wouldn't deny anything that she has proof of... I'd argue its relevance as it pertains to the divorce, custody, access etc...

You will soon find that your intimate preferences are irrelevant to the proceedings...