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5 years,,no seperation, no divorce,HELP

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  • 5 years,,no seperation, no divorce,HELP

    I have been separated without any kind of agreement for over 5 years and just want this done..

    spouse lives in matrimonial home with 3 children

    i paid 2500 a month for 18 months because I believed it was going to happen anyway

    since I have been paying 800 a month

    she wanted t do things mutually but will never agree to anything.

    I offered 1600 a month for 50K out of the house (over 170K equity)

    Since the "separation date" my step father has been charged with sexual interference of a miner and I am no longer allowed to see my children unless my ex or her sister is with us, Non of this is court ordered just what my ex demands...

    Do I have to pay her anything without an agreement? will the court backdate support if there is no agreement? I need to force a hand here,, Anyone?

    I am at the point where I want to tell a lawyer he can have my share in the house if he can get this settled so I can see my kids and a divorce


  • #2
    you have to consider that there is a limit time to claim equalization. It is 6 years after separation or 2 years after divorce. If I was you I would file an applicaiton as soon possible.


    • #3
      an application for a separation? or can I file an application for equalization separately??


      • #4
        File a divorce application, you can include share custody, access, child support, spousal support, property equalization etc.
        Family Law Rules Forms — Ontario Court Services


        • #5
          Brett, if you can afford it, seek a lawyer consultation so you can find out all your rights. Get all your asset value base on the separation date. This includes the MH, pension, RSP and debts.

          You will have to identify what you had prior mariage so it can be deducted during the equalization.

          For the children, take all access you can and make sure you stay involves in their life, she cannot withold access and cetainly not make unilatery decision. But if you let go for too long and I don't not know if that lasted the 5 yrs. She created status quo thus making it more difficult for you if you wnat 50/50.


          • #6
            Moolight i now live in Northern BC and only see the children 3 weeks a year, I call them all the time and have never argued custody with their mother, I only asked for every other weekend and 2 weeks in the summer.

            The "supervised visits have only been once and going out with my ex and the kids is not my idea of a good time. She claims to have her lawyers support on this. I guess I have no choice... I have been trying to make ( what i think are VERY) reasonable offers and she refuses to tell me what she wants....frustrated..

            thanks for the advice

            any good lawyers out there, I had one and let him go 3 years ago cost me 4K for a financial statement...


            • #7
              Of course her lawyer will support her, that's what she's paying him to do. You need to find your own lawyer, or do some research.

              But I can't think that any judge would hold that your children are in danger from you because of the actions of your step-father, especially if you can assure her, or maybe sign something, that says there will not be contact between the children and him during their access time with you.

              Without an agreement, just pay her the child support appropriate for the type of access you hope to have, based on your income and the number of children.

              And without an agreement, you have to go by the status quo for child access. What was the access prior to your step-father's charge? Insist your ex stick to that, and keep a paper trail of her denying you any of the previously typical access. Read up on the forum for techniques to be assertive about your parenting time.

              But don't waste more time without an agreement. Ignoring your offers is her way of protecting her status quo, which will rapidly stop involving you at all. Every other weekend and half the summer is a more than reasonable offer for a parent who lives a good distance away. Offer that through a lawyer, and when she ignores it, take her to court.
              Last edited by Rioe; 06-10-2012, 11:50 PM.


              • #8
                Brett, I am not from BC so I do not know lawyers out there. Look for support group in your area where you may be able to get lawyer reference. You can also interview them prior deciding if they are the one that fit your need.

                Take Rio sugestion and insist in getting your access as you had previously. It is not her decision to make. Do not take her lawyer's word. She is definitively taking you for a ride. She has the MH and you are paying for the morgage? For sure, she does not want this to change.

                In mid time consult your province site
                Divorce & separation -- The basics: Family Law in BC

                Going through the system does takes time but do not waist any time as it has been so long already.


                • #9
                  Agreed about the access. Avoid phone calls because they can't be verified as evidence. Email her and state that you will be picking up the child for the usual weekend at such and such time, and returning on such and such. Then show up, have a personal voice recorder and/or a reliable withness. If she refuses to let the child go with you, or if she threatens you, make sure you have a record of it.

                  From your description, she will refuse, you can only keep repeating this so that you can show a pattern in your court submission. Remember, court is about what you can show factually, not what you claim. You want to show factually that you were reasonable, that you communicated thoughtfully and politely, that you were asserting your access schedule and being denied.


                  • #10
                    I would like a lawyer from Ontario as that is where the kids and MH are. If this goes to court I don`t need to pay a lawyer to fly there plus all his expenses!.

                    Thank you both, she has a diploma in HR and a degree in sociology and almost NEVER responds to the written word. Most of the dirty work is done over the phone so it is difficult to document.....

                    I have sent a consult form to lawyer in Hamilton D. Gordon F. Morton Q.C. - Family Law
                    Ill keep everyone posted on how things go


                    • #11
                      Seriously, change your phone number and communicate by email or registered letter only. If she doesn't reply to your email, send another email a couple of days later stating, "I haven't received any response from my previous mail dated (xx/xx/xxxx) so I am left to understand that you have no objections. I will be arriving to pick up (the child) on (the stated date.)


                      • #12
                        thanks Mess, guess i just kept believing this could be handled in a civil way... guess i was wrong


                        • #13
                          Civil requires two parties acting like reasonable adults. There's nothing uncivil about relying on written communication. Keeping it to email which is verifiable is what will gradually return the situation to one that is civil.


                          • #14
                            Agreed, if you want this to have any resolution you need EVIDENCE, and that means things in writing. And there is nothing uncivil about sending letters, it's just the best way to protect all parties against false accusations and establish facts. It goes both ways.


                            • #15
                              You are in BC and the ex and kids are in Ontario? And you want every other weekend? Sounds challenging and expensive. And certainly changes our advice about asserting your previous access by showing up as previously done, and documenting if she denies you or not. I doubt you want to pay the airfare unless you are sure to see them.

                              Who moved away first? And why didn't you have a separation beforehand?
                              Last edited by Rioe; 06-11-2012, 09:49 PM.


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