50/50 Custody and Mobility Rights.

[lemontree]

My husband has a little boy aged 6. He is living shared custdy 50/50 between us and his mother and mothers husband. We both live in the east end approx 25 mion away from eacho other. The boy attends school in his mothers area and we drive him back and forth on our week. We have a drafted agreement that states he is to attend school in the mothers area, so long as its within the area that she is currently residing. This agreement is not signed as there were some financial issues with the lawy, but it is what they have been following for the past 3 1/2 years.

The mother just sent a msg stating that she was looking at new houses and wants to move to the west end of the city. Approx 60 min away from our current residence. She suggested that the boy go to school half way between both parents. My husband and I are concerned because half way between us is downtown Ottawa, and we don't think this is best for the child. The only school options he would have are based on a friends address and are not in the best of areas (surrounded by social housing) In areas with high crime rate, etc. He would be taken away from all his friends, farmiliarities and all his family lives in the East end. We also don't think that we should have to drive even further and spend even more money on gas based on her decision to move, afterall we have been conveniencing her the past 3 years driving 20 min each way so that he could attend school in her area when we have him equal amount, if not more by the amount of times she has asked us to take him on her weeks..

My husband suggested that there son attend school in our area with all his neighbour hood friends, in a place where he is farmiliar and feels safe (close to one of his parents instead of far away from both) . He could stay with us during the week and the mother could take him three weekends out of the month and have a weekly visit at any time. The only catch with this is that it would reduce her custody to %40 and increase ours to %60 therefore meaning she would no longer recieve child support and I am assuming she will cause a huge fuss about this.

I was wondering if anyone has ever dealt with a situation like this, and what they tink a judge would call.

[Mess]

Generally speaking you have a strong case if you took it to court, but there is not an unequivical section of legislation that gives you what you want. You would have to detail your arguments, make them child centred, and cover every possibility.

Regarding the shared custody, if the mother had the child three weekends, including Friday night and Sunday night, this would still add up to 40%. It would require the mother picking up and dropping off in the east end, which would be some hassle, but considering she would drive halfway under her scenario, this isn't outrageous.

She is the one who is moving, she is the one who needs to accomodate.

You could try mediation here, but you would have to be prepared to make a similarly detailed case and to stick to your guns. You aren't really willing to compromise, and you have your reasons. The purpose of mediation would really be to allow both sides to tell their side in a neutral environment.

Where does each party work? My ex and I have a similar arrangement (our child attends an alternative school downtown) and since we both work in the downtown area, it's actually more convenient. If he gets sick during the day, either of us can be there in minutes.

[lemontree]

Thank you for your reply! The mother does not work and the father only works two days of the week we have him. Which means he would drive all the way, turn around and come back and do the same in the afternoon. It' it is half an hour each way it amounts to 2 hours of driving a day and a killer on gas., not that this is the main concern.. It's more so that the area he could attend school is not a good one.. and he wouldnt know ANYONE.. At lease if he attend school in our area, he would be going with all his friends from the neighbourhood. I guess i am hoping the court would not see this move in the child best interest?

[SingingDad]

There are a couple of things to consider. Does the child have other activities? where are they? How established is he in your neighbourhood (is your house the former marital home)? What is the reason for your husbands ex for moving?

From what I understand Judges will try to keep some consistency in the child's life. Assuming there are no other outstanding issues I think they would favour the child either, staying in his current school, or moving to your home area.

For CS as long as the shared custody arrangement is in between 60-40% offset CS will be paid (3 days a week is 42,8%). If you look at what you are proposing:

Mother:
-3 weekends/month (F-Sa-Su) = 9 overnights
-1 Weekday visits each week (I would suggest overnight visits be offered if feasible) = 4 overnights.

total = 13 overnights = 43.3% (assuming 30 days) still shared custody and CS would have to be paid.

Any agreement should have mobility taken into consideration (what if she decided to move out of town?), and stipulations on how and when the child's school could and would be changed.

Just my 2 cents.

SD

[matwiyj]

I totally agree with you about not having them in school in a strange part of town, although it may work for some people. It was very important to me that my kids live close to the school they attend. We go walking and pass their friends' houses and my son will ask to play at Ryan's house until bedtime and he can.

It's hard for children to break into established social circles and they will constantly be doing that both at mom's place and at dad's place.

[lemontree]

Thank you for your reply. They were never married and have both moved out of the mutual home. As for activities ALL of them are in the east end around the mothers area and some around ours. I agree it would be best for him to stay where he is, but we would no longer have an address in that area as she would be moving away. Our neighbouhood is a new community packed with children and young families. She would be moving to a more secluded area on a large property. I totally agree on that there needs to be a mobility clause, however there have been some finacial issues that have pushed back the signing of even this basic agreement.. As for the CS.. We would have suggested she take him Friday and Saturday night returning him after dinner Sunday, so only two nights over the weekend.

[lemontree]

Yes for sure, poor guy would have three areas east, west and downtown.. This would never be in his best for him.. He has already gone through all the change of a seperation, 2 new homes and now this..Thanks for your support

[lemontree]

And as for reasoning for her move, there is none. Her boyfirnd is wealthy and bought a large property.. she does not work

[Mess]

I think you have strong and fair reasons for wanting to stay in the east end. As well, since the mother does not work, the travel from the west end to the east is not a powerful argument she can make. She is moving because she wants to, there is no child centred reason for it.

You also might want to approach the issue of extended family, if it applies. Grandparents, cousins, where do they live in relation? If there is family closer to the west end, you can be sure the mother will bring this up.

You are framing things correctly, just make sure to detail them. List them and don't hesitate to name names, like a list of neighbourhood friends your child plays with that he would go to school with. Find comparable activities in your area (swimming lessons, marial arts, piano, soccer, whatever) that he would attend. If he is already registered and comfortable with something in the mother's current east end neighbourhood, it is really not a stretch that you would keep taking him to lessons there.

Make offers to the mother that are flexible and work for her. For example, if she picks up and drops off at the school on Fridays and Mondays, it is a trip, yes, but she will get to meet the teachers, stay in the loop. Alternatively, if she balks at the distance, offer to meet her halfway downtown. Show that you are willing to make the east end work for her.

[lemontree]

Great points. All his family is in the East end. Grandparents (Half sister living with us and attending a daycare at the school he would attend) Her family is 5 hours away. Thank you for your help.

[Simplicity]

Can you please identify the downtown Ottawa schools that you consider to be problematic? My son - now in high school - has had, and is having, fantastic school experiences (elementary, middle school, high school) in downtown Ottawa (including in some of the 'poorest' areas of the city). As a school council participant all the way along, and as a volunteer with a youth/musical organization that deals with children in many downtown Ottawa schools I have been able to witness the excellent school experiences that downtown Ottawa children experience.

I understand that there are mobility, financial, and other issues that need to be addressed with respect to the what is best for the child. However I do not think that the quality of downtown schools in Ottawa is something to be concerned about.

If there are specific schools being mentioned and you would like to get my input please feel free to send a personal e-mail and I can contribute my observations on the schools concerned.

[lemontree]

Thanks for your reply, I guess my statement is generally speaking.. I in fact grew up in the downtown area and attending all downtown public schools from early grades up to finishing high school. I had a good experience in school, but can understand my husbands concerns because I first hand grew up in that environment, and also saw a lot of the negatives. I attended Glebe High School in 2000, and at that time there were many gangs, violence, drugs etc.. and this was almost 13 years ago, and since crime rates in schools have increased... I guess I would argue that we feel there is more prominence and likelihood for these things in the downtown areas of Ottawa. I have actually looked into the crime statistic of the neighborhoods and they are significantly higher that the outside areas of Ottawa. Please don't get me wrong.. I have no complaints of the staff, schools and programs and I know there are many good people and good children attending theses schools.. For us, its more the general environment.. My husband is actually a long time police officer working out of the downtown area, so he gets to see some of the things that the general public may not, and has developed his opinion based on these facts. My step son would be attending a French Catholic School and the only one in are allowed district would be St Anne on York Street. I attended school in the Ottawa South/Glebe area which wouldn’t be so bad, unfortunately that’s not an option for him.. Another reason for being a bit reluctant is that we wouldn’t be living in that neighborhood, and feel that once you live in an area you feel a little more settled, we wouldn't have this.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comfficeffice" /><o></o>