My partner is struggling tremendously with getting his ex wife to understand the benefits of shared parenting/access. He has spent the past year and a half having only every other weekend and a 4hour weekly visit despite his pleas otherwise. She provides the argument that the child (they have a 4.5 year old girl) should have "one home" i.e. only visit with her father during the week and maintains overnights should only be on the weekend.
He has tried to engage her in mediation but she is refusing. He has tried the legal route – but she has flat out refused his Offer to Settle. They were scheduled to go to a Settlement Conference in April, but that was postponed to see if the two could work things out between the two of them without lawyers. He has recently given her another “offer” in efforts to settle access and custody and support issues and move on in life! She is suggesting they are worlds apart and I am guessing she will once again refuse to negotiate. So I am guessing the next step will be to re-contact his lawyer and book a Settlement Conference.
We did have a moment of hope these past two months. His ex “graciously” granted him more time with his daughter, allowing for some week day overnights. The past 2 months the schedule allowed for 7 overnights in the month, including one school night each month. I have never seen both my partner and his daughter more at peace. He is feeling more involved in his child’s life and feels he has more quality time with her. We have seen a very positive shift in his daughter’s well being – she seems more settled (not “out of sorts” as she was with the previous schedule) and expresses often how much she loves staying over.
His ex wife suggests that she is doing him a favour and that he should be grateful, as “most fathers don’t get that much time”. However as of yesterday, she is now saying the new arrangement isn’t working as she is losing time with her daughter and it is jeopardizing her relationship with her daughter. She fails to see that her small loss in time with her daughter is a positive gain for her daughter as she is being enabled to foster a better relationship with her father. She is also failing to see that this is not about her – it is about her daughter’s best interest – which is to maintain a meaningful relationship with both her parents.
So I am guessing the next time the schedule is drafted he will be back to his every other weekend/weekly visit schedule – which we have clearly seen does not allow him to foster a meaningful relationship with his daughter.
She maintains if the issues go before a judge, she will be granted sole custody and he won't get shared access and will be court ordered a visitation schedule i.e. every other weekend and weekly visit. Truth to this? His work schedule allows for ample time to be with his daughter and he has family who are happy to help in regular child care. They live in the same city. He is an excellent father. His daughter has a step brother and half brother at our home.
Also if she refuses to even counter offer a second time and it does have to go back to legal route through settlement conference, can she be held accountable for the costs since she made no efforts to settle outside legal system when efforts were made on the other end?
Any advice on how to settle all this as soon as possible???? This is becoming draining - it will be 2 years in June when she left the marital home, 3 years in Dec when they separated.
He has tried to engage her in mediation but she is refusing. He has tried the legal route – but she has flat out refused his Offer to Settle. They were scheduled to go to a Settlement Conference in April, but that was postponed to see if the two could work things out between the two of them without lawyers. He has recently given her another “offer” in efforts to settle access and custody and support issues and move on in life! She is suggesting they are worlds apart and I am guessing she will once again refuse to negotiate. So I am guessing the next step will be to re-contact his lawyer and book a Settlement Conference.
We did have a moment of hope these past two months. His ex “graciously” granted him more time with his daughter, allowing for some week day overnights. The past 2 months the schedule allowed for 7 overnights in the month, including one school night each month. I have never seen both my partner and his daughter more at peace. He is feeling more involved in his child’s life and feels he has more quality time with her. We have seen a very positive shift in his daughter’s well being – she seems more settled (not “out of sorts” as she was with the previous schedule) and expresses often how much she loves staying over.
His ex wife suggests that she is doing him a favour and that he should be grateful, as “most fathers don’t get that much time”. However as of yesterday, she is now saying the new arrangement isn’t working as she is losing time with her daughter and it is jeopardizing her relationship with her daughter. She fails to see that her small loss in time with her daughter is a positive gain for her daughter as she is being enabled to foster a better relationship with her father. She is also failing to see that this is not about her – it is about her daughter’s best interest – which is to maintain a meaningful relationship with both her parents.
So I am guessing the next time the schedule is drafted he will be back to his every other weekend/weekly visit schedule – which we have clearly seen does not allow him to foster a meaningful relationship with his daughter.
She maintains if the issues go before a judge, she will be granted sole custody and he won't get shared access and will be court ordered a visitation schedule i.e. every other weekend and weekly visit. Truth to this? His work schedule allows for ample time to be with his daughter and he has family who are happy to help in regular child care. They live in the same city. He is an excellent father. His daughter has a step brother and half brother at our home.
Also if she refuses to even counter offer a second time and it does have to go back to legal route through settlement conference, can she be held accountable for the costs since she made no efforts to settle outside legal system when efforts were made on the other end?
Any advice on how to settle all this as soon as possible???? This is becoming draining - it will be 2 years in June when she left the marital home, 3 years in Dec when they separated.
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